THE INSANE REALITY OF MY LIFE

Thank God for sick days!!

2012-01-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

The sun is trying so hard to break through the clouds and this ice cold chill we got going on. There is a very small patch of light entering through my back door and illuminating the carpet creating this beautiful rainbow of colors. Its absolutely beautiful, but not as breathtaking as the little man laying on my lap.

I gently stoke his face and rub his hair. I reach down and rub his piggies, and his belly. Just yesterday he was born. Just yesterday he turned my whole world upside down, just yesterday he was a baby. How yesterday seems so long ago its beyond me!!!

I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. Its different. A mix of this new toothpaste and shampoo he asked me to buy bc they are for big boys and not the baby stuff his sister uses. What happened to his baby smell??

His face is different, his expressions are different, even the way he breaths when he is sleeping is different. I should know, I spent many hours rocking him to sleep or watching him sleep afraid he would stop breathing.

I live with him, I have spent the past 5 years caring for him, how could I have missed these changes?

I am a firm believer in postponing the laundry, dishes and cleaning, for just one hour of sitting on the floor with them or chasing each other around the house in order to get one more belly laugh before dinner calls.

I have rocked him to sleep, cared for him and nurtured him, yet somehow these changes crept up and transformed my baby into a little man.

I rarely get nostalgic, but today I am. He is always running, playing, jumping, go, go, go. I joke that he lives on fast forward mode. Sometimes he will stop his running to come give me a kiss, but most of the time, I have to run after him.

But not today. Today he doesn't feel good, his head has been bugging him, and even though he told his dad he wanted to go to school, we decided to keep him home. He wasn't happy, tried to convince us that he was perfectly fine, even though you could see it in his eyes. After some more argument, putting up a front saying he was a big boy and that only babies stay home, he agreed.
His sister is fine, so she went.

Not him. You can tell that my active teddy bear doesn't feel good. Even though his words will say one thing, his eyes betray him. So this is a rare moment. Extremely rare in his world. He is always fine, have a stomach of steel, and great genes. But not today. Today something caught him and has iron grips on him.

Today he laid on my lap to watch some tv, and after some protest that he was fine not tired and should be in school, he fell asleep on my lap. The little man that wakes up with the roosters and hasn't napped since 18 months old is napping in the middle of the day.

Looking at him sleeping on my lap, I had a vision of him as a teenager, and that warmed my heart and scared me at the same time.

I want to freeze time. Time is flying way too fast, too fast for me to keep up with it, even though I read all the quotes,self help books and really listened to the regrets of the elder. I was prepared, yet I somehow just missed my baby's transformation.

So yeah, while I will never wish for them to be in pain and would gladly take away all their pain, today I am thankful for this sick day. Today I am thankful that my little man is home and I was given one more opportunity to caress his face and his piggies, and rub his head and daydream of the days he was a baby.

I better hurry though, because just like everything else, this won't last, and pretty soon he will be off running in a new direction with all the stamina and drive in the world.

Love A

Moves the huge piles of papers to the side

2012-01-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

Hello world!!!

I am still alive. I don't feel very much alive but I still got a pulse, my heart is beating and my brain is mush. All is well.

I have been neglecting this blog and I am sorry. You see last year I turned 30 and decided I was going to pick a major and stick to it I don't care what it is, I need to finish. I graduated high school 11 years ago, have attended community college for who knows how long, collected a huge amount of credits, jumped from major to major with no end in sight.

Every time I mention I am going back to school someone has to hold their laughter. If I could be a student forever I would. I hated high school but love love college.

So I did some soul searching, researched some more and picked a path. I was going to give up on community college because moving every couple months is not feasible anymore and considering I have attended 3 community colleges in 3 different states, this path wasn't working for me.

I found a great university that is based out of Cali but has a satellite campus completely online. That means I can move 15 times in the next year and as long as I have internet, I can continue school. Considering moving 15 times in the next year seems feasible at this point in our lives, I signed up.

Then became the hard process of requesting all my transcripts. Then became the even harder part of actually picking a major.

Why oh why can't I major in paperwork or get a phd in typing or maybe a master's in eternal student?? Unfortunately none of those were offered, so I went with the next best thing BBA: Bachelor's in Business Administration.

I have no concentration because none of them interest me and they don't offer one in Health Administration. Graduating with a Bachelors without a concentration doesn't seem very smart. I am not sure if it is or if it isn't. I am just running with it at this point.

I applied for financial aid, and figured out I am 20 classes away from my degree. OMG!! That made this journey seem more doable. 20 classes might seem like a lot, but to me is just right there. If I kick it until high gear when dh deploys, I can possibly get my degree by the end of this year, beginning of next.

I took the leisure route, without wanting to, but somehow I will arrive at my destination. Way later than my peers, but at this point, I am just concentrating on the fact is I will have that dang degree. The rest the therapist will deal at another time ;)

The good thing about this school is they are very involved, they want you to succeed and offer every kind of help necessary. The bad thing is they are 8 week classes and extremely expensive.

You see when I started community college my dad paid for it providing I brought home good grades. After 2 years he had enough. I had jumped around from major to major and he wasn't going to pay for it anymore unless I picked something and stuck to it.

Enter my knight in shinning armor aka dh. School is not for him but he thinks its amazing I love it so much he has no problem paying for it. So for the next year on and off I worked and we both paid for it. After I left the work force, he started to pay for it. Granted we could only afford one or two classes per semester but I did.

A couple years later I took out my first pell grant. I got all my classes paid for my first semester of paralegal school. I was going to become a paralegal and that was it in my heart. I finished the semester with high grades and a realization that I never could become a paralegal. Too some time off and that brought us to the present day and time.

I got the pell grant but also had to take my first student loan because University is way more expensive that community college. (obvious fact here that the whole world knows except myself ;))

Well the pressure is on, my first class is : Statistics. holy fuck!!! I love Algebra and did extremely well in it. It was fun for me, I was thinking this was going to be the same. Yeah okay. I am drowning. Completely drowning. I spend hours and hours reading the text, watching the videos, and presentations, searching youtube, and I am still drowning.

Its making absolutely no sense to me. None!! but I am determined. I survive this I have 19 classes to go. I need this, so I am going to stuck to it. But OMG I doubt I will have any brain cells left by the end of the semester.

Thank God after this it seems smooth sailing with classes like Acct 2, Macro and mostly business related classes. None that will give me any major headaches. So survive this and you will be back on path is my new mantra.

That is the explanation for my absence. I promise once I get this or can fake it better, I will be back.

Have you ever had a class that made you feel like an idiot?? Share with me please. I need to know I am not alone ;)

PS: If you know anyone that rocks in Stats and want to make some extra money, send them my way ;)

Love A

2011 in review

2011-12-31T10:26:00.000-08:00

This year has been full of so much, I don't even know how to describe it.

The year started with me living in Fl with the kids while the hubby was in Afghanistan.

Feb he came home for leave and we took a week long trip to PA to see his family and made a stop in Virginia to visit the bestie. The kids got hugged by great aunts, we saw family that we haven't seen in a long time, had a family reunion, ate too much, drank even more and froze a little. We dodged a nasty snowstorm in W VA, and got to hug the bestie and the god children.

Little one turned 2 and we had a wonderful little party. Then hubby went back to Afghan.

March, April and May was busy with school, play dates, lazy days at the grandparents, just passing the time.

June brought me old age and the new decade. OMG I am 30!!!

July and August was about the same as March and April.

Sept the mess started. Hubby came home, and we went on a luxurious trip of a lifetime to Atlantis Bahamas. 4 days of delicious pina coladas, wonderful rides, sun, fun, and each other.

Then little man turned 5 and we started liking him so much more. He started listening better, helping out and it was finally our gift for not strangling him when he was going through his terrible 2's, horrible 3's and who the heck are you 4'?

Also mil and fil came into town and with my parents we headed over to Sea World. We stayed at this kick ass hotel, and everyone had too much fun.

Oct brought the news we were moving to end of the world El Paso, Texas.

In one week we packed and moved across country. How I survived I have no idea, but I do know it caused 3 strands of white hair :O

Oct and Nov was spent adjusting to the hubby home, both kids in school, living in dry land and trying to get used to the climate and all.

End of Nov was classified of life change decisions. I hoped on a plane, crossed a border and had vertical sleeve in Mexico.

Dec started with recuperation, falling in love with the hubby even more for all the ways he took care of me and decorating for Christmas.

Christmas was amazing with the children and my parents and some awesome friends.

This year has been a mix of calmness and out of this world life changes. 2012 won't be any different and I can't wait.

Love A

I am eating ice cream for lunch..

2011-12-29T10:20:00.000-08:00

and I like it :)

After the weight loss surgery, I need to consume anywhere between 50-70 grams of protein. Since we can't eat that much, protein shakes are the fall back. If I had to drink one more protein shake I was going to shoot myself.

Thank God I am married to a wonderful man who had the bright idea of adding a scoop of protein to my greek yogurt. It became a chocolate pudding and life was better.

Life got even better when I stumbled upon theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. Yeah weird name, but she is the top chef of weight loss recipes. She had the gastric bypass, lost hundreds of pounds and did it eating well. She posted this recipe :

This should be illegal!!

Say what?? I don't have to down another protein shake, can eat ice cream for lunch without guilt?? OH you are my new hero.

Santa delivered an ice cream maker attachment for my kitchen aid and I got down to work. I still need to perfect the method but its absolutely delicious.

So yep, I am eating ice cream for lunch and life couldn't get any better :)

Also, after much pleading from the husband, I took a current picture and I guess he is right, 1 month and 17lbs does make a difference.

Now please ignore the craze look and the chapped lips. No amount of carmax can fix my lips in the winter and ignore the fact I am computer stupid and can't figure out how to make the picture smaller.

Love A

Hindsight is 20/20

2011-12-26T12:28:00.001-08:00

I should have let Santa bring my kids a puppy, or a convertible, or maybe a pony. That would have caused less headache than this..

Grandparents are just awesome aren't they??

Love A

Almost wordless Tuesday..

2011-12-20T17:09:00.003-08:00

Pinterest and crafty husband made this happen.....

Now Pinterest and uncrafty wife needs to make some floor pillows happen ;)

Heartbreak

2011-12-15T09:28:00.000-08:00

"A Thousand Words Can't Bring You Back,
I Know Because I Tried
And Neither Can a Million Tears
I Know Because I Cried."
~Author Unknown

I have a lot of friends going through the horrible heartbreak of infertility/ miscarriage. Its one of the hardest thing a couple will go through.

Wanting a child is a feeling that will take over your whole life. Once you get bitten by the bug, there is no looking forward or backwards until you have that child. Its a desire to nurture, care and love.
You think its going to be easy because infertility is not really talked about. At least it wasn't 5 years ago. Thank God nowadays its in the news, and more talked about. Talking about it helps so others don't feel alone.

I dealt with a lot of feelings of being alone. Everyone I knew was pregnant, unwanted pregnancies, wanted pregnancies, whatever. I remember sitting on the floor sobbing after a friend told me her dog gave birth to 5. Oh yeah that made me sob. How could a dog give birth to 5 and myself not even be able to get pregnant with one?? What is wrong with me?? is it because for years I tried to avoid pregnancy and cried a few times when my period was late?? Was it because until age 23 I said I never wanted kids? Was it because I thought the neighbors daughter was the little devil? Was it because I looked down on moms at the store that their child were misbehaving and in my high horse of being childless was sure I was never going to be that kind of mom?? Was it the cigarets I was smoking or the diet coke and coffee I couldn't give up?? Would my husband leave me if I can never give him a child??

These were some insane thoughts that ran through my head at the time. I honestly thought I had done something to cause this pain.

You see when a woman gets a positive, that child steals your heart. You start to make plans and realize your life will never be the same after. So when you miscarry, its the death of a child and having to bury a child, no matter how old is something no parent should ever do.

I remember reading a quote somewhere that stuck with me it said "ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a good mommy. I always thought the "good" would be hard, never once did I imagine it would be the "mommy" part" anonymous.

Also waiting every month for a positive, going through so many tests, shots, pills that will screw you up mentally and physically just to nudge your body into doing what everyone else can do without a problem is very trying to say the least.

Every month that you don't get a positive, it chips a bit at your soul. It robs you so many emotions like a carefree pregnancy. If God willing you do end up getting pregnant, every pain, every twist and turn you end up worrying yourself sick. At the sight of blood you will honestly freak out. Oh no what is going on what did I do??

Even though I now have 2 kids that brings me joy everyday, the memories are forever in my mind. I remember the worried nights, the tears I shed, the pain, the heartbreak, and everything else that accompanies this trial.

I got very lucky, and as my friends go through this, I want to tell each and every one of them, that they too can get through this and find happiness on the other side.

I want to console them. I want to tell them that all this pain will one day be worth it. That one day they will be rocking their newborn, smelling their sweet smell and finally understand why you put yourself through every thing that you did. That every single tear will be worth it. I want to give them my eggs, and my tubes, and all dust I have left. I want a stork delivering a cute bundle of joy to them right now so they can love it and appreciate it. But I know I can't do none of that.

I can't promise them a baby, I can't guarantee that they will get that most desired positive test and have a healthy joyful pregnancy because I don't know it. Sometimes no matter how much or how long you wish for something, it doesn't happen.

So the only thing I can do is reassure them that they are not alone. That even though I am in a different path right now, I have walked the dark path they are walking now and I remember. I remember it all and unfortunately its a path some of us have to walk in other to get to the other side.

Also I can think about you often, pray for you often and offer a lending ear. I know its not nearly the same, but my hope its that the little bit will build to make it enough. So that you can walk through this path without lots of stumbles, with your head held high, and your heart guarded a bit more, but walk through it, because maybe just maybe there is hope at the end of the tunnel, there is light.

Love A

"How are you???"

2011-12-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

I believe "How are you?" is the most common question in the English language and yet the most complex.

When someone asks "how are you?" are they being polite or do they really want to know ?

Whey they ask that question, do they mean physically or emotionally?

Well, I just have had surgery, nonetheless in a third world country. Shocking to many, so of course all of my friends have asked me "how are you?" or any variations of that. I know they ask because they care and I only answer in the physically part of it.

So, how am I??

Well physically I am wonderful. I got really lucky and knock on wood no plane crashes, no pulmonary embolism, no infections, no leaks. Yeah a big risk I took, I know. But physically I couldn't be better. The first couple of days were hard. To be honest, the first two weeks. Your new stomach is so small, you can't take a gulp, if you do it will hurt, you will feel a pressure going down. You have to sip, sip, sip and if 30 years of habit gets to you, and you take a gulp while driving and not paying attention, you will pay for it. Trust me , I know ;)

Eating was hard also. You are on a clear liquid diet for the first wk or 2 in order to allow your new stomach to heal and to not put unnecessary pressure on your staples. Its not a big deal because you are not hungry really considering half a cup of chicken broth have the power to feel you up, its just boring and tedious.

Friday, I removed my own stitches. I know I rock like that ;) and started feeling much better. I can now take a gulp and while it will go down square, its not as uncomfortable. I have moved to stage 2 of the diet and can now have scrambled eggs, and soft wedges of cheese to my diet and mashed potatoes. How exciting!!!!

So yeah physically I am doing wonderful, but emotionally I am a wreck.

You see, almost everyone looses 20 lbs within the first week of this and then stall for a bit, then start up again. The first month though your average weight loss is 17-20 lbs depending on how heavy you are. If you are heavier, of course you will loose more. Also it takes a while for you to heal and your body to get out of shock and do what is supposed to do. You got to understand they pump you full of gas, cut a piece of your stomach, anesthesia, you name it. Everyone is different.

I have lost a grand total of 10 lbs in 2 wks. Very depressing. Wait what?? well I was expecting more, and therefore I am a bit disappointed. I could have lost that in a crash diet and saved my money. Except, I would have probably gained all of it in the following week and with this, I doubt I will be gaining anything considering the most I could eat in a day would equal to less than 800 calories. Seriously there isn't that many calories in chicken broth, or eggs or protein shakes to add up.

So for a while, I was freaking out. I think old fears of failing started to creep back up, I mean I can't count how many diets/life changes I tried and failed, why will this be any different??

After a kick in the ass from the hubby and some reassuring words from my friends, I have come to realize 10 lbs is good. Its a wonderful start and this is working. Maybe slowly than others but it is working, and besides I am not competing with anyone.

This has also made me realize I have a ton of baggage when it comes to my weight, baggage that I need to deal with it and figure it out.

So when you ask me the next time "how are you??" and I say "fine". I honestly mean it, physically of course, because you don't want to hear about how fucked up in the head this is and how stressed and scared I am, do you really??

Much love A

Hey, it's okay :

2011-12-08T10:57:00.000-08:00

1. To spend all day cuddling on the couch with your children while the dust bunnies multiply

2. To sing off key at the top of your lungs and not care who is watching.

3. To tell your husband you have a headache, let him handle the children bathtime routine while you go cuddle with your kindle.

4. To want, need and miss your mommy. Never too old to get hugs and cuddles from mommy.

5. To hand over the kitchen to your father every holiday, because no matter what, he is an amazing cook.

6. To send your husband silly text messages during the day just to bug him.

7. To build a fort with your kids and then wrestle around while the dishes are still in the sink

8. To make a mean face and shoot your son in the bootie with the nerf gun even though you have said a million times "NO shooting inside the house"

9. To ignore the laundry while you spend all day in the kitchen baking your family's favorite. Who needs clean underwear anyways when they got a full happy tummy??

10. To not put your child back in bed in the middle of the night, because even though they sleep like they are making snow angels, there is nothing more wonderful than cuddling with your babies

11. To put your cold feet underneath your husbands warm leg and smack him when he complains

12. To eat french toast for dinner. Spinach, balanced, nutritious is just too boring 7 days a week.

13. To let your children stay up late just because they called you "the most beautiful princess ever"

14. To feel blessed and not ashamed of it.

15. To ignore phone calls and text messages while you are still trying to get that dang third star in Angry Birds.

16. To love God, Jesus, be thankful you are saved and have no shame of it.

(Joining in with Amber at :http://whisperingwriter.blogspot.com/ )

Ti's the season

2011-12-04T15:15:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. Love it. Its my absolutely favorite time of the year. I love the crowds, the hot chocolate, the decorations, buying presents, tinsel, mistletoe almost everything except the weather. You see growing up in the southern hemisphere, Christmas comes smack dab in the middle of the summer and nothing screams Christmas more than sitting in a beach in 90 weather drinking caipirinha and eating fried fish. Ahh the good old days!!

When we moved to Florida it was considered winter except S Florida winter is a joke. More like fall. Texas wasn't that bad, a couple of chilly days here and there. Our first real Christmas movie experience came when we were in N Carolina. 3-4' of snow on the ground before, during and after Christmas. I sled for the first time 7 months pregnant at the ripe young age of 27. It wasn't bad, just different. I enjoyed boots and sweaters and scarfs.

This year El Paso is constant nippy weather. We don't have inches and inches of snow, but its been low 40's for a while now. My children now own a down jacket, gloves and hats that I just got..lol. We also lit the fireplace and have plans on drinking hot chocolate and just enjoying it.

Right before surgery I decorated the house and bought almost every present I needed to because I knew I wasn't going to be feeling it up to.

Well I came back in town Friday and by Saturday 4 days post op I was itching to do all the fun Christmas stuff I do every year. The cold weather didn't deter me. I dragged everyone downtown for the annual tree lighting and parade, spent a ridiculous amount of money on 2 light up swords that they broke less than 24 hours later, took some sips of my husband's hot chocolate and felt the beginning of frostbite, but the excitement on my childrens face when that fire department came, was it all worth it. Besides the docs told me to walk, walk, walk. They pump you with so much gas, you got to walk it out to release so it was all worth it.

But no that wasn't enough Christmas yet. Today I dressed both children up in their hand picked outfit that I have obsessed over for months just for this special occasion (Christmas outfits are a big deal around here ;)) sat them in front of the tree and took some pictures. Uploaded and now cards are ordered and they will go out this week. That has to be a new record for us.

Still feeling the spirit, I figured they are dressed up why not. We ate a yummy soup to warm out bellies and protect us against the cold that is outside. We fought the crowds paid an insane amount of money that I complain about every year, but still do it every year, and sat them on Santa's lap. Bribed them with many ponies and cookies and got our yearly Christmas photo with Santa.

and now I am exhausted..lol. It was a wonderful couple days and totally worth it. For the rest of the day I will sit in my couch, in my comfy jammies, while the husband deals with dinner, baths and etc, and I will gaze at our Santa Pictures through the years and just enjoy this season.

Santa Picture 2011:

Sneak peak of Christmas cards :

Much Love A

House tour. Make yourself at home!!

2011-11-27T13:47:00.000-08:00

I have moved more than a month ago, but just now the husband stopped home long enough for me to put him to work, and this past couple days have been used putting up pictures, fixing holes in the wall his wife made, some complains but lots of smiles and finally seeing the transformation from a house we are just passing through to a home.

So lets do the tour. It's not done, his todo list and my project list is still humungous, but its good enough for now.

Come on it :

Still searching for the perfect Christmas mat for the front door and still waiting on the husband to hang the lights.

Ignore the pantless baby. Pants is optional lately. Also why the lovely husband decided to pile the stockings on the left side instead of spread them out is beyond me. I love my stockings though. There is still more going on the mantle in terms of crafts and decorations but everything is put on hold for now.

Some more pinterest projects that will be posted later on about.

To the right is my bedroom. See that bedroom set? It use to be brown. 3 tutorials, 10 cans of spray paint, a heavy duty sander, some bubbles here and there, countless trips to Home Depot is now black and I am so happy. There is still a bookcase that I am searching for that will need to go there just to hold yearbooks and the printer. The curtain forget about it. I have no clue what color I want, so until I decide, it will be sans curtain.

My kitchen next. If I were to buy this house, I would totally knock down that wall and make it an open floor plan, but thank God we won't be here long enough to buy.

Behind the kitchen is my dining room that is also open to the living room

Down the hall to the left of the front door, there is dd room. Its not done at all. I have a lot of plans in terms of art in the wall. Her curtain is just on wait for a decent rod. But I did, I sew her curtains. Crooked and beautiful ;)
Unfortunately the walls will have to stay the same color. I drew asshole landlords. Aren't I lucky.

There is a bathroom in between both rooms and then ds's room. He got lucky. Its a huge room and with plenty of space for him to play, and make mess. A ledge shelf bookcase will go on that left corner. Just waiting for me to come back and instruct the hubby.

and of course a picture of the children on Thanksgiving. Lately they been difficult telling me no more pictures and making mean faces. MEMORIES CHILDREN MEMORIES. I need these pictures. Why don't they get that?? lol

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the tour, and if you are around these parts, knock on the door, I would love to have you.

Much love A

Siblings

2011-11-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

When I was pregnant with dd I was extremely afraid. I am an only child, I have absolutely no idea how to deal with sibling issues. None. This thought has kept me up many nights and I was sure they were going to hate each other. I mean am I suppose to get involved? let it slide? let them figure out on their own?? Will they be close? hate each other??

Suffice to say, I worried a lot.

I read a lot, spoke to many seasoned moms and took some important measures to make sure Ty wasn't going to be jealous, scared or anything and that this baby mommy was bringing home was a fun addition to the family, not someone that was going to steal away his spotlight.

I don't know if it was my own doing or divine intervention, but Tyler was in love with his sister from the moment he met her in the hospital. To him she was the coolest thing since sliced bread. When we brought her home, he never had any jealousy, always wanted to help, she made a pip and he ran to her. She was spoiled and mostly by him. He would tell us she was his baby and his only.

Asides from one incident in which I turned around and saw him holding her because he had picked her up from the swing when she was 1 month old, things flowed greatly.

As she got older and started crawling, I was sure my luck was running out. Nope. He always let her play with his trucks, would take the books from her mouth and tell her in a kind voice "No no no baby, we don't bite we read" and he use to sit down and read to her.

I didn't think I could fall more in love with him, but I sure did. My heart was warmed and even more broke over the fact I would never had a sibling to care for. Oh well. At least I was doing something right and my kids were getting along great.

The transition from 1 to 2 kids was a piece of cake for us. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for anything better.

As she grew, more and more they played together. He has always been very protective of her and she only has eyes for him. He says jump she will say "how high". She will clap and run and hug him when we pick him up for school. She will sit there and rub his hair and clean his toys for him. He got her wrapped around his finger, and she got him right there too.

For almost 2 years they shared a room and I could hear them giggling way past it was time for them to be asleep. In a stern voice but with a heart full I would remind them its bedtime and to go night night. More giggles followed.

Life was perfect, then suddenly everything went to shit.

I don't know if its the changes, this move, trying to get more control, but for the past month all they do is fight and bicker and fight and bicker. They will argue over toys, over a spot on the couch, over the blanket, over the fact one has more grapes than the other, over this over that. God forbid she enters his room, he gets mad and vice versa.

Who the hell are these children?? What the heck happened?? Where did I go wrong??

Everyone tells me this is normal that siblings will fight and bicker. Its a normal part of sibling relationship, but its scary.

I know they still love each other, because here and there I will catch a glimpse of them playing together or giving each other a hug after a fall, but you got to be quick, it happens so fast, if you don't see it you will miss it, and then he chaos starts up again.

I can honestly say for the first time in my life, I am thankful I am an only child.

This constant bickering and fighting and acting like they can't stand each other is grating on my nerves and making me worry.

I truly hope its a phase and that things will once go back to what it was before, because at this point, I doubt they will even speak to each other in 3 years time!!!!!!

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

2011-11-21T10:45:00.000-08:00

You are reading the title and going "huhn??

Well that was me before I found out what it was, and now I am calling it a lifesaving solution.

I won't bore you with the details. Later on I will make a tab talking about it, but just know I am another fat girl battling obesity since high school. Not that different from thousands others all over the world. I have had enough and decided I am going to have weight loss surgery.

There is 3 common types of weight loss surgery :

1. Roux en Y also know as the Gastric Bypass.

2. The lap band

3. The Vertical Sleeve.

The gastric bypass is divides the stomach into a small upper pouch and a much larger lower "remnant" pouch and then re-arranges the small intestine to allow both pouches to stay connected to it. There is various issues with it because of dumping (throwing up) and nutrition absorption. I don't know one person that have had it and had no problems with it. I went against that because I want a better quality of life. Not more issues.

The lap band doesn't really work. Its a band that goes around your stomach and requires fills and upkeeps and can easily slip.

The vertical sleeve they go in laparoscopy, cut 80% out of your stomach, gives you 3 rows of titanium staples and you are done. No rearranging of anything, no problems with nutrition absorption, no upkeeps, no fills. Nothing.

and now you have learned more about weight loss surgery than you care to. Sorry. I promise I won't flood my blog with this. I do want to share with others what I am going to go through, so every so often I will make a post about it.

I decided to have this surgery done in Mexico for various reasons that later I will go on more in depth about it.

I just wanted to let everyone know what is going on and if everything goes according to plan, on the 28th I fly to San Diego, on the 29th I have my surgery in Tijuana and start my new life.

I am more than glad to answer any questions anyone might have and any comments about it. The world is full of different opinions and while I have been flooded with support, I have heard some nasty things also. Not a problem, I expected worse, so I am happy that for every negative comment I get, I receive 10 good ones. It all evens out in the end.

Anyways that is that.

Love A

A-Z of me

2011-11-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

Saw this in another blog and decided to do it!!!!!!

A. Age: 30
B. Bed size: Queen have debated for so long on getting a King but we like to snuggle and have feet rub up on our faces.
C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning toilets and putting away laundry. I hate it so much!!
D. Dogs: None. I don't love dogs enough to clean up after someone else.
E. Essential start to your day: Wake up brush teeth and race for the coffee.
F. Favorite color: Red. I am obsessed with red
G. Gold or Silver: Gold and yellow at that!
I. Instruments you play: HA!! I was born without the artistic bone. I can barely whistle much less play anything.
J. Job title: Wanna be Princess ;)
K. Kids: 2 sometimes 3, depending on how the husband is behaving.
L. Live: Where Judas lost his other boot...aka El Paso, TX.
M. Mother’s name: Carla
N. Nicknames: Line Line (pronounced Lee-nee Lee-nee)
O. Overnight hospital stays: Various times I broke my arm and 2 c-sections.
P. Pet peeves: I am full of them! I think the biggest is people saying they will call me back and they don't.
Q. Quote from a movie: "Every passing second is another chance to turn it all around" and the rest of the dialogue from Vanilla Sky.
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: Only child that I know of ..dad won't admit to anything lol
U. Underwear: ??? I wear them!!
V. Vegetable you hate: Brussels Sprouts.
W. What makes you run late: Refusing to get out of bed because I stayed up too late the night before. Other than that I'm usually early because I hate having to rush.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: On my arm, ankle, elbow, ribs, and wrist.
Y. Yummy food that you make: Everything I cook is yummy except spinach casserole when I forgot to drain the water from the spinach. I don't recommend it at all!!! I am known for making a delicious perfect rice.
Z. Zoo animal: Sick and tired of them. I have been to more zoo's in the last 5 yrs of being a mother than the previous 25. They are all the same yet the children don't think so!

What I been up to???

2011-11-12T13:06:00.001-08:00

Knocking down pins. No, I don't bowl. Pins from Pinterest ;)

This yarn tree:

Tree

became this :

These were so easy to make, I made 3 and want to make more. Wonder if mommy would like some?? lol

Then this spy game for the kids:

Spy Kit

became this :

I wish I could find that bottle. It seems clear and less cloudy. Oh well!I highly suggest everyone making these. Its an easy project for the kids, they had a blast doing and have been playing for a long time. I hit a sale @ Hobby Lobby and got so many little santas, and trees, and tools. All kinds of things. They will actually sit there for hours shaking it trying to find something than come and show me all excited and my kids don't know how to sit still. So this is truly a miracle.

Then this

COLLAGE

became this :

Its not perfect by any means but I am really happy with the way it turned out. Instead of doing same size pictures, I chose to do a couple different size ones.
You see, the 1st year is my favorite. I love children from birth to 1. If they never grew up, I would have a bunch, but they do and they talk back, so I like to have their 1st year pictures up where I can see and easy reminder not to strangle them. So I started at birth and ended with 1st birthday for each child.

I still have a ton more to finish and show like "wanna be" professional lined curtains for dd room and homemade snow globes.

I promise as soon as I am not feeling like death wash over with this nasty cold I got, and the husband gets home to lend a hand, I will share.

Much love

A

The best pumpkin cheesecake yet..

2011-11-11T12:25:00.000-08:00

Cheesecake can change your life.

You see, last night I was feeling kind of down. I don't know anyone around here yet, I am sick and tired of staying home, going to parks alone with the kids or going shopping. I am in desperate need of adult conversation and I am tired of doing it alone. 3weeks seems to drag, so I decided to bake.

I haven't baked in over a week because with the husband gone there is just no point. This is odd for me because I usually can't go 3 days without baking something. So yeah, I been that bad. Well baking was what I was going to do to lift my spirits and I did that and it worked.

I made the most amazing pumpkin cheesecake yet. Seriously, I have outdone myself and right after this cheesecake came out of the oven, while on facebook, I found a group of friends of ours from back at Hood that they are here. We are so excited and one of the mommy playgroups I joined accepted me and I have the first get together tomorrow, so my delicious cheesecake set everything in motion.

Give it try, it will change your life.

(I don't have a source because I mixed over 5 different recipes)

Crust:

1 1/2 cups of crushed graham crackers.
1/4 cup of sugar (I used a bit less because I don't like overly sweet crust)
1/3 cup butter melted

Bang really hard the graham crackers and let out some frustration or you can throw it in a food processor. I have lots of frustration to release, so I bang. Throw it in a bowl with the sugar, mix it, then throw in the melted butter. Press it into a ungreased pie plate and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Pumpkin cheesecake:

3 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/2 cup of sour cream.
1 8oz can of pumpkin puree
1/2 teaspoon of rum
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 pinch ground nutmeg

1st cream the cream cheese (if its room temp it will be easier), sugar and vanilla extract. Then add one egg at a time and continue on mixing it. Remove one cup of the batter, spread it on the crust and set aside. Add the sour cream and after that is mixed, turn your mixer off. Add the pumpkin puree, spices and rum. Mix it by hand only until its all incorporated. Don't over mix.
Spread the batter over the crust and bake it @ 325 for 35 to 45 minutes until the center is set. Let it cool and refrigerate for 3 hours. You can serve it with whip cream if desired.

That is it. Easy simple delicious and my first cheesecake that didn't crack and doesn't require a bath.

The H20 issue

2011-11-02T18:15:00.001-07:00

Every single day I say I am going to do better and every single day I fall, but since I am a sucker for "Vanilla Sky" and completely believed when Penelope told Mr Cruise: "every passing second is another chance to turn it all around", I continue on this path of trying and failing.

You see I am not a healthy person by any means. I try and try and some things stick, others just fall to the side. If I have the option of nacho loaded with cheese and a salad, I will pick the nachos. The same with the cocktail or the low calorie beer. I don't do it on purpose, I do it because the better tasting one is just better and at 30 years old, I am trying to find happiness everywhere. Some things I have been able to find respectable substitutes for , others not so much.

H20 is the biggest one I have a problem with. I know you are supposed to drink at least 64oz of water a day. At least 8 glasses. Its important, necessary for your body and to keep you alive. Yet I am incapable of doing it.

Things start off great : I am going to drink water tomorrow. I got this fancy new water bottle, and I am going to do good for myself.

I wake up, have my cup of coffee, fill my water bottle and start sipping it through out the day. By noon I realized I only had 3 sips because I left it by the wash machine earlier in the day, and how this diet coke can got in my hand is beyond me. I put the coke can in the fridge, go search for the water bottle, dump it down, refill it and chug it down because I still have 7 to go.

By 4pm I can't stand to look at water. I have downed 2 more water bottles, I got a nasty caffeine headache because I haven't had a diet coke, and I just want my diet coke so I start to make deals with myself...Chug one more water bottle and that will make it 4 for the day. Have your diet coke and then only drink water for the rest of the day.

Fair enough : I drink my diet coke, my body relaxes and I start to feel better, until I get to the end of the can and then start to feel bad again thinking about the last 4 glasses of water I still got to drink. Through my pain, I manage to chug down one more, run to the bathroom for the 70th time and decide never again will I drink water. This shit sucks and I don't like or care for it.

Then I feel bad , so I decide tomorrow I will do better. I head to Walmart and buy 20 different types of Crystal light and Arizona green tea packets in all kinds of flavors. That is it. This is what I need to accomplish this water drinking issue. I head to the cash register floating on a cloud. I found the answer to my riddle. I can do this.

I try one it tastes like ass, the 2nd is not better, the third one is doable, the 4th one tastes kind of good. Okay this will be it, tomorrow I will add to my water bottle and I will be able to drink water.

By tomorrow I have my cup of coffee, fill my water bottle with my delicious pomegranate tea mix and decide today I will be a water drinking woman. I am 30, its about time. Its an important change I need to make. I am a woman hear me roar, I am going to do this even if I have to drink 8 glasses of water 20 minutes before bedtime because, the only thing I have drank all day is ice coffee or diet coke. None of that matter. Every passing second is another chance to turn it all around, and I am going to try again in just a second, I am, I promise, right after I finish this diet coke!

Love A

Halloween through the years

2011-10-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

I love seeing how much my kids have changed and grown and since dh, who is a technical genius, was able to rescue my pictures from my old laptop that took a dump, and throw it on my new one, I have every single picture available since he joined some 6 years ago. Oh yeah we will be taking a lot of trips down memory lane in the upcoming posts. Nostalgia to the max ;)

Oh and I am proud of myself 6 years of relationship, 2 kids, countless trips, moves, vacations, trips to the zoo and etc and I only have 3k pictures. Not bad hun?? That is only 500 pictures a year people that have captured the most precious and special moments. I think I am doing great, dh thinks I am insane. Who asked him anyways??

Anyways here we go:

Oct 2006, FL

Ds was 1 month old and we were in Fl with my parents. Dh had just deployed a month before ds was born, and came home when he was 1 wk old and then left again mid Oct. This was the beginning of the year we would not see each other. My mother bought ds this costume against my wish. I don't like anything Tiger or Pooh for clothing or decorations like the million of parents that do. Sorry!! (see that is what I mean about pictures. One picture will bring up so many emotions)

OCt 2007, Fort Hood, Texas

Dh had just gotten home, we celebrated ds's 1st birthday,was planning a trip, a move and etc and with all the excitement I forgot to buy a costume. 2 days before halloween dh went out and came back with this one.

Oct 2008 Ft Bragg, NC

This year ds was a chicken. Don't ever let your husband pick out the halloween costume. He will come up with the most strange one possible. Never on my own would I have dressed Ty up as a chicken, but considering I was 79999 months pregnant and wasn't feeling like celebrating anything that year, the task fell on dh. Never again ;)

Oct 2009, Ft Bragg, NC

This halloween we had welcomed Juliet into the family back in February. We were still in Ft Bragg, Nc. Ds was in love with Oswald and therefore an amazing talented online friend made his costume for me and dd I found it online by accident. This year goes down in memory as the halloween Ally spent an insane amount of money in costumes. You don't even want to know how much his homemade costume and hers cost me. Oh well they look adorable and its all that matters right?? lol

Oct 2010, FL

(can't figure out how to turn them. Tilt your head ;) )

This year I wanted to do have them match and considering ds was voicing his opinion on what he wanted to wear more often, I decided to do it while I had the chance. We were back in Fl while dh had just started his first civillian contracting gig in Afghan. Another holiday alone.

And finally Oct 2011, El paso, TX.

Tyler picked his costume, which is also the theme for his past 5th birthday, his sheets he begged me to buy, the movie we watch very often and etc...
Juliet was a costume I came across and fell in love with.

Much Love
A

Pinterest to the rescue again..

2011-10-30T15:57:00.001-07:00

This week I have cooked my way through pinterest a lot. I have found some keepers and some losers. Some brought smiles to everyones face and other recipes will never grace the kitchen again. I haven't only cooked with the help of Pinterest, I have also decorated, did this and that, but that is for another day.

So lets start,

Banana cake with vanilla bean frosting

http://pinterest.com/pin/400636649/

This pretty was delicious and its definitely going in the recipe books. We all love bananas a lot. Its not unusual to go through 2-3 lbs of bananas a week. The kids are always walking through the kitchen and grabbing some. Dh will eat one right before lunch, then there is banana smoothies, banana breads and banana everything. Funny story about this cake : when dd woke up from her nap, I gave her a piece and then went outside to smoke. I come back inside with her inside my fridge and her mouth and hands full of cake. Also the beautiful frosting had horrible nail marks.
Caught you in the act!!!
Nice real nice. A zombie would have done less damage ;)

Next up came this breakfast casserole :
http://pinterest.com/pin/412529550/

It wasn't that good :(. I don't know if I screwed up, which is kind of hard to do since its so simple, or what. But no bueno and bummer because we love breakfast for dinner and are always looking for new recipes.

This chicken cordon bleu :

http://pinterest.com/pin/113380423/

was next. It was good but not as good as regular in the oven original chicken bleu. Somethings you just cant rush!

Then today came the spider cupcakes :

http://pinterest.com/pin/76375235/

These came out wonderfully good. I actually killed 2 pinterest with one stone. I used this method :

http://pinterest.com/pin/154894910/

with some cake box. I am working on these green sweet potato fillings for empanadas tomorrow. Its my first attempt at a homemade pie crust and things are not going that great, so I didn't want to make cake from scratch. Also I wanted to see if just a box of cake and a can of pumpkin puree would really work. Well it did. I am glad I did and found out because now I will keep that in mind anytime I use it again and want to make it healthier. I mean no eggs, no oil and pumpkin instead is healthier right even if its cake box.

This week the hubby will leave for his first tdy. There won't be much cooking done. Just back to the normal basic stuff for the children. Maybe then I can work on the million and one pins I have for holiday/home decoration.

much love
A

Bum showing

2011-10-28T10:29:00.001-07:00

For the next couple weeks I am going to walk around showing my bum :0

You see homecoming was just under a month ago. In these past 30 days we welcomed my hubby home, went on vacations, moved across country, adapted to this that, no humidity, a brand new place, having the hubby home. Which is a big adjustment on its own and we are not done we are still adjusting. 12 months can take a toll on a family, but we were doing good.

That is it until we got a call that hubby was up for his first TDY. He will leave this week and spend 3 weeks in Colorado Springs. Yeah I know its not Afghan and yeah I know its not for another whole year, but I still want to whine.

He just got home a month ago. A month! that is not nearly enough time for me to be ready to send him back again. For this month I let my big girl panties drop, I asked him to open cans, I gladly handed over the bath time routine, one more set of hands in public is always welcome, I was just getting used to waking up late on the weekends. We still have so many plans and things we want to do and yet everything has to be put on hold again.

I know, we signed up for this shit, or it got throw in our path, I am thankful I have a husband to miss, I know, but still it has only been one month?? BLAHHHHH

Anyone knows me knows I try not to whine too much, or at least I don't think I do, but now I am whining to last me a lifetime and probably tomorrow I will so regret this post, but try to understand. Here I go doing everything alone again and to top it off in a place I still haven't learned to go to Walmart and back without getting lost. I still have a couple of boxes to unpack and picture frames to hang. I am still resting off the past 12 months. I am not ready!!

So yeah I whine, but I promise I wont be like those wife that their husbands goes on a business trip and they compare that to the deployment. I promise I still remember this is Colorado Springs and asides from frostbite, his risk level is minimal, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't suck.

The pro?? He will be home on Monday to Trick or Treat and forbid any natural disaster he will be flying home the day before Thanksgiving and there is no Colorado Springs magnets on my fridge. Its the little big things right??

High consumption of wine will be necessary in order to stop this whine and once again find the strength to pull up these big girl panties ;)

Too much tv

2011-10-24T15:30:00.001-07:00

We are boring folks around here. We lead very boring lifes and I love it. No drama no issues.

After the kids goes to bed one of our favorite pastimes is to watch tv shows. We never watch them while they are on tv because we are very impatient and get so into it, waiting until next week to find out who killed who is too stressful. Instant gratification all the way (Except for House. Every monday night we are watching House. An episode of House never leaves you hanging so that is okay)

We just wait until the seasons come out on dvd and either download, stream it from netflix or rent it. Every night after the kids are in bed, you will find us in the couch, cuddling up to watch a new episode of whatever tv show we are hooked on at the moment. Don't feel bad for us, sometimes we play cards and drink beer to keep things fresh and exciting ;)

Anyways, a deployment throws a wrench on things and one of the major cons of having a husband deployed is that you end up watching tv shows and movies without them. Life can't stop, and if your husband is lucky enough to be deployed to a calm place, he will have loads of downtime to catch up on movies and shows.

Through the deployment we will coordinate what each other is watching. He will mention a new tv show and if it doesn't sound too appealing to me, I tell him to just watch it, if I like it enough, that is what nap time is for. Since he knows me so well, he will tell me if its worth it or not to watch it. So far he hasn't steered me wrong. Well except with Dexter. I can't stand it and he loves it and thinks I just need to give it a whole season. No way jose.

Movies we will just watch whatever whenever, and when he gets home I will mention the ones I think he has to watch and he will mention some to me. Although in the beginning is a pain trying to see who saw what who needs to see what. Total pain I tell you.

Our current tv show is "Sons of Anarchy". A friend mentioned and it piqued my curiosity. I mentioned to dh while he was deployed and we decided to wait and see it together because it seems like something we will both enjoy.

So while he was deployed he watched the rest of 1.Dexter, 2. Entourage and 3.Supernatural . Dexter I don't care for like I mentioned before, Entourage might be something I end up watching during naptime but I doubt it. The same goes for Supernatural. He thinks I will love it because of my obsession with teen vampire books. I doubt it.

I watched 1.Criminal Minds. Too depressing for him.
2.Army wives. He won't be caught dead watching it and
3.16 and pregnant and Teen mom. He can't understand my obsession with this much trash. I think he is too uptight ;)

Now that he is home we started watching Sons of Anarchy and I must say we are hooked. Friday night yield a 4 am bedtime because we just had to see another episode. Its about a motorcycle club in Cali and its an adult soap opera. Very interesting never boring and just hilarious. Watch it and you wont be disappointed.

After we are all caught up on this, we will watch the last few seasons of Weeds that we left off before deployment, Desperate Housewives and Tru Blood. Never seen it and we both want to check it out.

He also mentioned Spartacus. So we might pick that up. Aren't you just jealous of our exciting life ;)

So is there any tv shows you guys are hooked on with your partners?? Anything you think I need to see because its just that awesome??

Love A

Air show.

2011-10-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a packed day. First we got some breakfast then went to yard sales, which was a bust, took the kids to get haircuts which came out great then headed to the Air show.

The Air show was a first for both of us so we were excited. I personally was a bit disappointed. It was extremely hot like high 80's and of course dry. I need some breeze and some humidity and there is none of that. Also it was extremely expensive. $3.50 for a bottle of water, seriously? and they had some fair rides for the kids. A lot of them and they were pricey too like $6 per ride. I didn't like that on top of the fact inside one of the bouncy castles this kid kicked my daughter in the face and she ended up with a bloody nose. All that left a little bitter taste in my mouth.

The show itself was pretty neat, the beer was cold and delicious, the crowds were polite, I guess all in all a good entertaining day but if I never go to another one again, I wont shed a tear. Oh well!!

The cool thing is one of the pilots took the local news guy up in one of the planes while doing the stunts. The news guy passed out twice, when we came back he was so palid, I felt for him. I guess going 900 miles an hour, upside down, sideways and in loops will do that to you ;)

Nothing too crazy on his hair this time. Only a trim

When you have 0 humidity, you need the help of an all natural gel to help you get your curls back.

No more bangs in my eyes makes mommy one happy person!

That made me nauseous just looking at it.

Yeahh enjoy that hot dog, you better eat every single crumble because it will be most expensive hot dog you will ever eat in your life..lol

Love A

Where has the time gone???

2011-10-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

"The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life." unknown

It seems like yesterday we started on this journey. A lot of people say 9 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, I personally think 9 years is huge and I will gladly take it and celebrate it. We are not perfect, we make mistakes, we sometimes are mean to each other, but at the end of the day we only want to see each happiness more than our own and I think that is why we are happy. Not all the time, I don't know if its possible. I joke that: "I love you always, but liking you comes and goes"

So here is a list, just to make everyone have a toothache, of the reasons I love my husband:

1. He tells me I am beautiful and loves me for me at least once a day and at least once a day I tell him his insane but that hasn't stopped him. Somehow he is winning because my self esteem is a lot higher than when we first met.

2. He will let me sleep in without a problem and bring me breakfast in bed. It's the way to my heart and he knows the road like the back of his hand ;)

3. I come up with some crazy idea; like buying a tiny tea cup pig and he will support me. I could say I want to buy a whale and have it sleep in our bed and he will say: 'as long as you got the logistics taken care of, go for it". He has given me so much freedom so I can grow and become who I am, even though if that is slightly insane ;)

4. He is an amazing father. He is hands on, changes diapers from the beginning, cleans up puke, does it all. No joke he would make a great mother if he wasn't a wonderful father. He will roll around on the floor with them, act silly and have a blast doing it.

5. When he is home, he is in charge of bath time, he took on this task because he knows that is one of the few tasks of parenthood I dont like it.

6. He has no idea how much we get paid, and as long as I tell him its enough to pay the bills, he is happy. I haven't worked in 6 years and if I ever thought of getting a job, it was never because of him. He supports me in staying home with the kids and if I go out today and buy a coach purse, he won't care.

7. At 11:30 at night I say I am craving a Brazilian dessert that is a 30 minute drive, he will turn to me and say "have you been reading my mind? where is my keys?"

8. Anytime of the day, no matter if its after he has worked a good 8-10 hours and is exhausted and I tell him I need a break from the kids and from it all, he will turn to them and say "let's go help daddy and the grocery store".

9. He is hilarious. He has a great sense of humor. He can easily make me have tears rolling down my eyes from laughing so hard I will snort. We have so many inside jokes and there isn't a day that goes by, that I won't remember something he did and burst out laughing all alone and later when I tell him he will think its awesome.

9 down and a million to go. I love you with all my heart babe xoxoxoxo

New Mexico

2011-10-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you are: in a house waiting for HHG's with 2 children and one very small tv?? You find something to do.

Sunday morning I hopped on the computer and started searching for things to do with the kids. I came across this pumpkin patch that is highly rated and since we haven't done the pumpkin patch this year yet, that became our destination. We packed everyone up with lots of layers that are ready to be ripped off (you see here at 7am its low 50's by noon its high 80's low 90's) so you need to wear easily removable layers, lots of water and got on the road.

While driving we figured out this is our 5th pumpkin patch in 5 years none in the same place as the other. Pretty crazy hun??

The drive there wasn't bad. There is a curve the highway makes, that puts you right next to Ciudade Juarez,Mexico and you can see the adobe made homes on top of the hills just like the slums in Rio. I am very mad we can't visit. The violence there is too great, maybe later on.

Then there is hundreds of cow farms. I hope its for milk only ;) The smell is horrible so windows closed all the way.

"MOOOO" (also I learned my husband can eerily correctly imitate a cow's moo. Oh the things you learn after 9 years of marriage ;) )

There is mountains and still a lot of empty land. To everyone this might seem normal, to us that come from S Florida that you don't see 1 acre of empty land, its odd, then less than 1 hour later we had crossed into New Mexico and headed to the town of Las Cruces, New Mexico.

This was one of the best pumpkin patches we have gone too. There was so much to do for the kids, some delicious local stuff like the delicious pumpkin butter that is currently in my fridge, hay rides, tyke rides, water areas, big slides. Just a fun place. Everyone is extremely friendly and we had a good ol time.

By lunchtime we left and decided to drive around to check out the town. Its a small town and very rural but really cute. Most of the houses are like this :

with these flat roofs. So different.

While driving around we were all hungry so I hopped on my phone and did a search for best place to eat in Las Cruces (can I just say how much I love technology??) and came across this review from a guy that have lived there for 4 years. He rated Bosa Donuts his top place to eat because of their delicious brisket burrito. There was nothing else to say about it, we punched in the GPS and headed there.

Its a hole in the wall with pain chips falling off the wall, the menu is very small. Only a variety of donuts, a variety of breakfast and lunch burritos and some old school style bottles of soda. It was packed. We ordered the brisket burritos (dh's with chili, mine without) and some beans and cheese burritos for the kids and braced ourselves. It was dirt cheap but the best burrito I have had in my life. Its so simple: beef brisket and coleslaw in a flour tortilla, but it was so so good. I know I said the same thing the first time I had Chipotle and the same thing when I had Taco Cabana after arriving here, but seriously this tops the cake. I told dh he will drive 1 hr very often just so I can have this burrito again. So if you are ever in Las Cruces eat there. You won't be sorry!

We all loved our food and can't wait to go back. So thank you technology and thank you stranger on the wolrd wide web for recommending it to us. After driving around some more through the downtown district we headed home very happy that we now know an amazing burrito place and that even though we still don't have furniture, we have kick ass pumpkins and delicious pumpkin butter.

Its the little things people ;)

Next week will take us to the Airshow. The first for all of us and I can't wait. If there is anything to say about this place is that you are only bored if you want to. I don't know if its because end of the year festivities or what but there is a ton to do.

Much love A

Home sweet home

2011-10-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

After arriving on Wed and having the realtor get into a car accident while coming to show us homes, we rested up and started on Thursday bright and early. I had a #1, #2,#3 and #4 picked out from her website. She showed me #1 and I fell in love with it. I saw #2 just for the heck of it, but told her no need to see anything else. #1 was going to be it. There is just a feeling you get when you walk into a home that you know it.

I remembered when I moved back to Hood, I saw a house on post that I got a horrible feeling from it, I turned it down and rented off post. Last house I rented, I got the feeling that wasn't the house for us, I ignored it and rented anyways. For 365 days I felt out of place. Never again so listen to your feelings. This also is also for sale so I would have no problems buying this house if we have to stay here longer.

Anyways, 20000 phone calls later, we are all approved, go tour preschools, check out the hotel, set up utilities sign hundreds of forms and get keys. This will be home for the next year.

Its a 3/2 1 car garage with gorgeous red Sausalito floors. The kitchen is big enough, the backyard is plenty, there is an amazing deep tub that I will be spending a lot of time in and this house just gives us a great feeling.

On Saturday we moved in. We got lucky that we are in need of a new microwave anyways, so I went out and bought one to have something to cook in while we wait for the gas to get turned on. Also my parents and I hate sleeping in air mattresses, so what I have done is I get a really good deep mattress pad for our bed, during the year we use it to make our mattress more comfy, when my parents come in to visit, we take it out, throw in some sheets and they sleep in it. They do the exact same thing at their house for us and everyone is happy.

I was due for a new one, so I got a nice 6' one, some new sheets and pillows because you can't ever have enough of that, and we got a place to sleep. We got the microwave to cook, the plates and utensils I was smart enough to pack came in handy, just had to pick up an extra pan, we got our laptops to catch up on our favorite tv shows and the portable dvd player of the car has a cable hook up. We got our cables turned on saturday and now the kids got cartoons.

Everything worked out perfectly and we are comfortable while waiting for our movers. My only complain is we have no hot water. We didn't realize it until we went to take a shower that when you have gas, that also controls hot water which means for cold showers. Asides from the heart stopping moment, we have survived.

Thank you so much for all the prayers and all the time you guys have heard me whining over the past couple days on the site, here and on fb. We still have one major hurdle to go through which is for my stuff to arrive and I promise I will share the hell these movers have put us through, but all in all, this insane, crazy, hectic move has gone off pretty smoothly and I am very happy for that.

Much love A

Racking up the miles...

2011-10-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

We are not car trip virgins. We have drove from S Florida all the way up to Killeen, Texas, then to Fayetteville, NC, then back to S. Florida, then up to PA twice, to Virginia and many places in between, so when the hubby found out we were going to Ft Bliss, El Paso, Texas, we decided to drive and save a good chunk of change instead of shipping the car, flying and then renting a car.

Well we did it, after 1900 miles we arrived safe and sound. We left S Florida at noon on monday, (were to supposed to leave earlier, if it wasn't for my parents to deal with my dou-chebag movers we would have left later but that is a tale for another day when my stuff has finally been delivered), and I worried very much if this was the way our trip was to start how would it end?? but I learned a good lesson before it was all over!

First lets not get ahead of ourselves, the trip was good. The portable dvd player that only comes in the car for long road trips was a lifesaver just like it was on previous trips. I don't have a fixed dvd player in the car, it turns children into zombies in my opinion, but for long road trips, zombies is exactly what I am going for. Zone in to disney's latest creation and let us navigate this mess.
Also I knew we were going to be guests in at least 2 different hotels, before we arrived at our final hotel for a good 4-5 days so I packed accordingly. I separated 1 bag with extra clothes for the drive in case someone got sick, 2 small bags with pjs and change of clothes for the hotel and the rest in our suitcase. We stopped for the night, grabbed 1 of the small bags, the bathroom bags and voila. We were set. It was so easy dh complimented me hundreds of times (previous trips he had to drag in 3 suitcases every hotel stop we made), also I filled little ziplock bags with snacks, put some extra juice cups, and other kind of snacks in a bin and kept it by the children's feet. Anyone wanted a snack I handed them a ziplock bag, at the gas station stops we grabbed some ice from vending machines for the sip cups and our cups, poured the juice or the soda. Also I bought ds 1 new game for his mobigo, Juju got one annoying talking toy, and 2 brand new movies. It was by far the easiest trip ever. Longest but easiest. I have become a pro at this and for the girl that only wants stability, I don't know where that leaves me.

My complains are minor. The highway mess that is Houston and San Antonio and getting through those city centers ages me a couple years, fog, and dh just discovering Adele after being overseas for 1 year and not being able to get enough. I know I know I introduced him to her, but he played Rolling in the Deep 500 times. Oh well!

One thing I do want to mention is something that I think its extremely important and I hope anyone that is PCsing or moving to Bliss will see this.
You see ever since we found out about this assignment, I have been online non stop researching, searching, and searching some more. I have read pretty darn near everything there is to read about this area and not once has anyone mentioned what I nicknamed the "Danger Zone". I am going to talk about in hopes of someone seeing this and actually saving a life.

Right outside of San Antonio, about 10 miles outside, on highway 10-West, pretty much the one you will take, if you are coming from the east, there is absolutely nothing. When I mean nothing I mean nothing. I am not exaggerating. Its almost 560 miles from the outside of San Antonio to El Paso, 2 lanes going West 2 lanes going east. For the whole time there is vast empty land, and the most boring scenery ever. There is hardly any towers, so cellphone is sketchy, no cops around, not even a hospital sign. You are going through and around the mountains so its about 30-50% elevation and curvy and windy. The speed limits is 80 for cars and 70 for trucks. Gas stations are very few and far between and no street lights at all.

After we got out of San Antonio, we all had to pee, I started looking for a gas station. After driving almost 50 miles and not finding one we all peed on the side of the road. No joke. Not even a cow to make us embarrassed. It took us another 20 miles to find a gas station then something like 100 miles to find another. In that 560 mile stretch there is 2 little towns and you guessed it nothing else. Cue in the scary music and you got the settings of a horror film. There weren't even birds flying around, no cactus. Only crows and dead skunks on the side of the road. I know, I know, you are wondering how could I have gotten so lucky ;)

Our saving grace is that we only left FLl at noon, so therefore we only made it to before San Antonio by the 2nd night and slept. Early in the morning rested and in good weather, is when we braved this Danger Zone. If we had left early more than likely by the afternoon the 2nd day we would have entered this Danger Zone and we would have said "Oh lets just drive and get there" and it would have been fatal. No joke. I would never want to be caught in this area at night or in bad weather and I feel its absolutely important to share that with people. I got lucky , I hope others are smart about it.

After arriving I went straight to the house I had selected to see first, on the way to me the realtor got into a car accident. She is okay, her car is fine, but she rescheduled for tomorrow. I just wanted to cry. I had everything set up and something gets thrown in my way, then I remembered my luck of my movers arriving late and pretty much saving my life, so I decided to drive by dh's work just to make sure what I figured out online about the house being close to it is actually correct. It is and I am amazing. I seriously can find my way out of hell with a laptop and a cellphone :)

We then went to Walmart to buy some groceries because days of eating out is taking a toll, checked into our hotel, got everyone fed and bathed and happy. Our noses are dry as heck and we are jet legged. This is 2 hours behind what we were used to, but we will make it.

1st impressions..well that drive through the Danger Zone scared the crap out of me, but after getting here I am feeling okay. Its crowded, there is every kind of shop you can possibly imagine, I drive 5 minutes a Starbucks is there. There seems to be a lot to do but its odd. It seems like someone drew a circle in the middle of nowhere land and decided to add everything, totally odd.

The kids love that we are right by the airport. Seeing the jet planes go up and coming in for a landing is amazing. In the upcoming days , I will have a better grasp on things and can share more.

The most awesome news is dh, who is a bobble head, posted yesterday for the first time ever in his FB that we were coming here. Well two friends from his old Hood unit, and 1 from his Bragg unit are here. How crazy is that?? and I could have totally picked their brain for stuff. Oh well. Dh called them and they filled us in on how crowded this place this, how common car accidents are, how there is so much to do, how it snows hard here, there is no rain ever but then there is something called monsoon season. Can I run back home now???

Tonight I am feeling bummed out that I have to learn how to get around, get lost, get lost some more, heck there is a lot of streets not showing up on the GPS, get a house, get settled, do all the crappy things a housewife have to do, but I am content this is a very varied placed. I hear Spanish everywhere, this is such a cultural mesh and I love it.

Hopefully things will go smoother tomorrow, no more roadblocks and I will learn to bloom, until then I am going to try to figure out why my nose is so dry and what the heck I need to make it better and how to get used to seeing mountains after being in flatland for so long.

* Dh and I joked so much about this scenery. All you had to do is attach these pictures one next to the other to make it 560 miles and you can feel and see exactly what we saw in this Danger Zone.

** SO please if you have the luck or despair (whichever way you want to see) of getting this assignment, sleep in San Antonio and attack this area early in the morning and pray for good weather.
Much love A

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

2011-10-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday night during ds's birthday party dh got a phone call. It was his boss letting him know they are trying to place him in Ft Bragg. My smile grew. I have wanted to go back to Ft Bragg for a long time. Ever since we left. I had picked out a school, a house to buy, I had made plans, God was finally listening.

20 minutes later she called back and told him it might be Ft Bliss. I started to worry. Texas is the last place in the world I want to go back to and this is worse than Ft hood. This is west Texas more west coast. I don't like the west coast. I am an east coast type of gal. No no worries. I have spent hours praying to God. Everything was going to be okay, God listens.

Friday while at the water park dh got the final phone call. You are going to Bliss or back to Afghanistan. No choice, Bliss is understaffed, we need you. You are moving.

My world starts to tumble, I start to hyperventilate. No way this is not possible. For a year they been telling us Virginia, then Bragg, then Hawaii, then UK, then Georgia, then Bragg and now Bliss. They will change their mind. I wont stress. I am going to enjoy this water park, I am going to see the whales and I am not going to think about it.

Sunday driving home we got the final phone call. Bliss it is for sure and it will be soon. You wont have to go back to Afghanistan to clear. Tears, arguments, reminders to look on the bright side, more exchanged words, hurtful words, reminds that is only a year, a husband excited that this is a promotion, no more deployments, only 365 days. Its doable, please wifey follow me. More pleas, more argument, more tears, enough tears to fill a river, fear of passing up this opportunity with the way the job market it is, reminders of Texas sucking, more argument, hours later we reached a conclusion. We would take this position for 1 year, I will follow him, not happy and dragging my feet but I will. I don't think there was any questions about it, but somehow it was necessary to get everything out.

Monday morning another phone call. I am starting to hate the phone it is only bringing bad news. Oh sorry let me rephrase: news that are necessary for me to stick my head in my ass in order to find the bright side. Fucking bright. Don't anyone open their mouths to tell me about bright side. Sure I want my husband home and not in the sandbox, sure its better but its not a fucking bright side moving to Texas. Yeah my husband is alive and we are happy and healthy, I get that, but moving to Texas will never be a bright side. It will be the lesser of two evils, but it will still royally suck. YEah I will try to make the best of it, but bloom?? Yeah shove it.

Anyways, rant over, the monday phone call informed us he will have to report on Oct 15th and start working Oct 17. That is 15 days away. Are you fucking kidding me?? Oh and that they wont pay for our move. It will be on our dime and also he wont go back to Afghan so that means all your equipment that you left there because we couldn't give you an answer before, yeahh that thousand dollar equipment that has to be turned in..it will be shipped from Afghan in your own dime.

Head spinning, no more tears left I hoped in the computer and started to research and set everything up. Moving quotes, car transporting quotes, plane tickets, hotels, rental cars, turning rental in, finding new rental, $$$'s signs rolling around we got everything se then we didn't then we did.

Moving truck will be here on monday morning to load everything we packed on our own, they will be done by noon, friend will clean my house, mom will turn in the keys to the landlord on tuesday because monday afternoon we will be on the road. With 2 kids to drive 1900 plus miles to arrive in El Paso, Texas, before the moving truck, to find a decent place to live, to sign for such place, to grab keys and have it ready for the moving truck.

I want to cry but I have no tears, I have drank enough wine to last me a lifetime in the past couple days, I need a valium, a hug and some energy.

The good thing is so far so good. Its wednesday and 90% of my house is packed. My husband has been running around like crazy grabbing boxes, taking things to goodwill, doing this doing that. That means me muah packed 90% of this house alone in 2 days. My sanity has gone out of the window. I have gotten in touch with a realtor that will meet me and show me the properties I preselected, I got a hotel booked, I now need to finish separating clothes for the trip, and paperwork.

In terms of God, I don't know what to think. He knew Texas is the last place I wanted to go yet he is sending me there?? Either we are on different wave lengths or He knows something I don't know and I need, but I have learned a valuable lesson. Never ever ever tell God you don't want to go somewhere because more than likely He will send you there just to mess with your head ;)

If everything works, 1 week from now we will arrive in El Paso to start a new chapter and I promise if I have any sanity left, I will try to find the bright side. either under a cactus or at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey.

Love A

Let's do this thing...

2011-10-02T17:10:00.001-07:00

Once you haven't a real vacation that doesn't involve visiting family in 9 years, only one is not enough, you need two and considering not every year I throw huge birthday parties for my children, this year my son was due for a big celebration. Instead of spending hundreds on a birthday party, we did cupcakes at school, a cake for family, only one kick ass gift, and decided to take them on a trip. In comes our second vacation. Family tagged along which is fine by me, but we didn't go to visit anyone and that is what I was in need off.

Early friday morning we packed up and drove 3 hours north to Sea World in Orlando. We stayed at Coco Key Resort. I had never heard of this hotel before but while booking online our sea world trip, I saw it as a option and researched it. OMG this place is amazing. I will stay there from now on anytime I go up to Orlando. It's right on International Drive and if you are familiar with Orlando/Kissime, this is the place where everything is. You got Disney, Sea World, Aquatica, Discovery Cove, Wet n Wild, and every restaurant and attractions like Go Carts, Medieval Time dinner, Pirate dinner, bungee jumping you name it. Its right around there and this hotel is smacked dab in the middle less than 1 mile from Sea World. The amazing this about this place is that its not expensive at all.

I don't like talking about money and how much I paid for things, but I am going to just to give you guys an idea. For the hotel to check in on Friday and check out Sunday, 3 Sea World tickets and the food plan it was all $382. Just in tickets it would have cost us $201 if we bought at the door (Adults $82 each, Children 3-9 $32 and JU Free) plus we got an all day dining pass. So the Hotel was about $190 for 3 days so around $63 a night. That to me was amazing. Sure you can get side of the road hotel for $29.99 and usually I don't care. They are all the same but not this. There is a covered area with a kiddie pool that doesn't go deeper than 3feet with all kinds of slides, water toys and etc. Then there is another pool with slide for older kids that goes 5ft. Then there is a huge area with just slides and buckets and guns then there is 3 major slides for the bigger kids, then there is a bar with decent pina coladas, a huge acarde, and a big area that sells either hot dogs and burgers or pizza or you can get the sit down buffet. For kids this place is the place to go. You get to play in the water park all day if you got a room and if not you can pay the daily rate and play in the water park. We played in this water park from the time we checked in at 11am until 6pm. The kids had an amazing time. It truly was wonderful and the rooms are very nice too. All the amenities you could possibly want.
So if you ever going up to Disney or the area stay there. Your kids will love you.

Sea World was great. The Blue Horizons show with the dolphins and the aerialist and the Shamu show was very enjoyable. The roller coasters were kick ass. Tyler only got to ride in one. There is also a huge kid area with all kinds of rides for kids. The attractions were great. Dolphins, manatees, penguins, polar bears, sting rays, crocodiles, and etc. Also because of halloween the kids could get bags and trick or treat. Added bonus. Ju enjoyed but Tyler had the time of his life. I think its a vacation he will remember for a long long time. I am not a fan of taking kids to Disney this young, while there is something that caters to them, a lot of rides they cant ride, but this was perfect option. Also at this time of the year its hot but not nasty hot, so we lucked out.
Its a lot of walking but a lot of fun. It was our first time there and we will be going back many many more times.

The only thing I regret is buying the dining pass. I did it in Atlantis and regret it, and regret it this one too. The places are not marked where you can eat, and its not that much cheaper anyways so as a tip don't buy the dining pass, just eat wherever you want when you get there, that way it gives you more freedom. That is my only complain oh and the fact my husband did not agree to me bringing a penguin, dolphin or whale home. Party Pooper!!!

Anything else was better than I could have imagined and I highly recommend it.

View from our room. I told you this hotel was awesome

Much love
A

Happy birthday Bug....

2011-09-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

5 years ago you made me a mother. It has been a great ride since then. Your birth gave me purpose, gave me joy, and taught me so many lessons. I am a better person because of you. You took the pain of my mistakes in stride. You are so attentive, and funny. You notice everything and never let me forget anything. You are my guard dog.

Your smile light up my days, your sweetness is heart melting. Thank you so much for bringing me breakfast in bed yesterday. You heard it was sweet and you wanted to do it for me. I am sure you will grow up into such a great man and make some woman just as proud and happy as you make me.

We love you so much and thank you for giving us the pleasure to call you our son

Daddy, mommy and Juju.

Grabbing life by the horns

2011-09-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

Remember this post , well I wasn't kidding. I am tired of waiting until I am skinnier to have the perfect life, I am going to live the perfect life right now while some things are still imperfect.

I have amazing children, great family and a wonderful husband. I am going to live life and enjoy and going Parasailing was just the right thing. I have wanted to do it for a very long time but let the fear of looking like a fat ass stopped me. Not anymore. My groupon had a special for over half off, I booked without thinking twice and today we went to do it.

It was an amazing experience. I was scared shitless not going to lie, but I got over my fears, didn't puke, got nauseous, backed out or even screamed that loud. To be able to share that with my husband was a truly gift and I just regret waiting so long to do it.

I highly recommend it. Its very freeing and gave me a whole new perspective on my life. 800 feet up in the air has a way to clear your head like you wouldn't believe it.

He is always so cool and relaxed. Perfect balance to my insanity

Scared shitless face :)

Going up and up

See how high

They took us all the way up then brought us back down to touch the water than back up again

Love A

It's vacation time ;)

2011-09-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

After the amazing emotional homecoming on thursday, friday started with a bang. I slept until 9:30 am and got woken up with breakfast in bed that included pumpkin spice latte. Yep husband is home and its time for me to relax and enjoy it. My husband is pretty good, he will wake up with the kids, take them to school, change diapers like the best of mothers around and he does it with a smile, the kids really enjoy spending time with him. He is funny so everything is more exciting unlike grumpy ol mom. Hey I spent 1 year with them 24/7, I welcome the break and the bonding time they get together.

We ate some yummy lunch, went shopping for some clothes that had absolutely no holes, sand or that horrible Afghanistan smell. That afternoon we packed everyone up and headed to my parents for some bbq. By 7pm we gave everyone lots of kisses, and said goodbye. We hoped and prayed the kids were going to be okay and that his mom was going to get along with my parents. We came home and had a good old time, then got up at 5am. and headed out to the airport. It was a small plane and after many prayers, some tears, lots of turbulence and a husband with a hand that is white as snow from me squeezing we arrived in paradise aka Paradise island, Bahamas more specifically Atlantis.

We are major water park enthusiastic. We have gone to Schlitterbahn in Texas, we had done The Rapids in Florida and many more small ones along the way, ever since I saw the first Atlantis commercial some 6 years ago, I added that to the bucket list and this past weekend we got to experience it.
We haven't taken a vacation that doesn't involve visiting family in 9 years, we were totally overdue for it. Well this place didn't disappoint. Its amazing, caters to everyones need, the customer service is superb. We played the casinos, we got our hotel room upgraded, met so many people, and found out the pina coladas were to die for. $9 a pop but worth every drop.
We indulged, we relaxed, we rode every single ride, some twice and went around the lazy river some 7 times. We didn't think about anything except each other and our love. Our 9th wedding anniversary is next month, and while in the grand scheme of things 9 years is nothing, to us is huge, so we wanted to celebrate that. We were great together and had such a good time.
Atlantis was the place to do it and I couldn't have asked for a better vacation. Everything was truly perfection. With my insane habit to know everything I spent over 5 hrs in the computer right before I booked reading reviews from others that have gone. That helped us really have a good time. I knew where to eat, where to avoid, what to see, at around what times, I learned so much and I will later on make a post just about Atlantis. Its expensive, extremely expensive, but there is ways around the money bleeding and if this cheap ass is telling you its worth it, believe it. I have no regret about any of the money we spent because it was well spent. If you ever want to relax and enjoy, I will highly recommend going there, its the vacation of a lifetime.

I will leave you with some pictures and later one I will write a Atlantis 101.

In front of the royal towers. Gosh we walked so much. This place is huge but so pretty

View from our hotel room. Can you tell how happy I am??

Inside the aquarium playing around

One of the rides, you go down 12 stories with a float, then it drops you into the shark tanks. You go by very slowly just admiring the hungry sharks that are only a glass away from you

So much in love :)

We spent a lot of time around this lazy river. Its not really lazy because it has waves and drops and takes you up a conveyor belt that takes you all the way up to one of the towers that has 4 adrenaline rush rides.

Dh took this picture. That is my shoulder and his leg. He is so jealous I tan and he just burns..lol

Inside the royal towers lobby. Everything is so pretty and no detail is overlooked

By the dig. The humungous aquarium they have with all kinds of species.

Riding up the conveyor belt that takes you to the top of the towers so you can go down the slides. Its a beautiful view up there

One of the slides that was over 7 stories high, dropped you in this underground pool with aquariums all around:

Can you tell how much he drank and enjoyed himself??

Yep that is the hubby coming down the leap of faith. Don't think I didn't go down. I did twice, but no one looks good in that angle so no pictures from me going down.

Inside the royal towers lobby

I have thousands more pictures but later on, when I do the Atlantis 101 post, I will post some more.

Much love
A

Homecoming

2011-09-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I picked up my mil from the airport. Together we went crazy with anxiety and butterflies. We ran around cleaning and doing last minute details. I stayed up until late on Wednesday just to make my husband's beloved german chocolate cupcakes, and I also prepped everything so that I would have it ready to make his requested meal : Orange chicken. The children were bouncing off the wall, the excitement was palpable.

Thursday morning everyone woke up extremely early, we ran around like crazies, and got to the airport about 2 hours too early. It was all good. My parents met us there and we waited and waited and waited. We saw his flight land, and when he came through the gates I felt the butterflies. Homecoming was just as amazing as I remembered. I wore a dress like I said I was going to and he loved it. He hasn't seen me in one in 10 years so it was a nice surprised. We are just over the moon to have him home. Still don't know if its for good or temporary, but none of that matters. He is here and we are going to enjoy every second of it.

German chocolate cupcakes. I outdid myself. They came out absolutely amazing asides from the fact I burned my mouth with the coconut. If you would like to make some they came from HERE
The only changes I made is I swiped applesauce instead of oil, toasted the coconut, and used only half the amout of pecans it called for.

Waiting sucks..

Still waiting

Finally Together

First hugs rocks :)

Love A

Just what I was in need of...

2011-09-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

I have been on a funk of all times. I had visions of being a size 6 by homecoming and because I am nowhere near that and homecoming is fast approaching, that has put me in a funk.

I have spent the whole week whining to dh and sobbing. I have regretted booking a vacation to Atlantis (no matter that I have wanted to go there since they opened) and instead debating changing to Antarctica so layers would hide my jelly. Instead of being excited about homecoming I have been feeling dread. Stupid fears about my husband being disappointment in me. In my heart I know that is stupid because I weigh the same thing I did when we got married, dh loves me for me and thinks I am gorgeous. He is a catch I know ;).

Well, its just been a personal struggle this past week, until I read what the amazing Nikki at Sanctimomious wrote :http://sanctimomious.blogspot.com/ .

I had tears streaming down my face. Gosh how stupid have I been. I am going on vacation with my husband to a place that I been dying to go for a long time to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary, sans kid. Our first real vacation since our honeymoon. I am healthy, he is healthy and we are celebrating our love. What is the matter with me?? Only excitement should be felt not stupid insecurities.

Well, this whole feeling snowballed and I decided I need to love my body until I either love it or convince dh to allow me to have the gastric sleeve surgery in Mexico ;), until then I am going to get busy living. I am not going to let weight issues bother me or hold me back from doing anything I want to do.

I went out today and bought a dress for homecoming and one to wear on vacation. Asides from wearing a dress when I was invited to a wedding or in a wedding, I haven't worn a dress in 10+ years. This week all that will change because I will wear not only once but twice.

Also for the past couple days my groupon has been offering parasailing for 2 for a cheap cheap price. I have wanted to parasail since I was in hs but never had the courage because well I am fat and thought I was going to look stupid. I have looked at this groupon for 3 days and didn't have the guts. 3 am last night I woke up, grabbed my phone in a hurry and filled with fear that the deal wouldn't be there anymore. Thank God it was. I pressed buy and now in about 3 weeks, I am going to go parasailing. I am going to accomplish another dream. How awesome is that?? Will anyone laugh at me? Probably, but I wont care, because I will be 120 feet up in the air, holding the hand of my other half and having the time of my life.

Love A

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

2011-09-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

I am not the healthiest person around, by a long shot, but I try. We visit chick fil-A often, my son loves some golden arches, there have been many times where I consumed frozen yogurt for dinner, and we won't even touch on my wine consumption.

At other time, I make extremely healthy meals, everything I try to cook tends to be homemade, I have tried to steer clear of the processed stuff (not completely) but compared to a year or 2 ago, its a lot. Step by step we will get there.

Well for an almost 5 year old (OMG I can't believe he will be 5 before the end of this month, someone pour me pour me a ~~wine~~ shot of whiskey ) that is not good. You see my son eats breakfast twice. I only found that out last week. Every student that arrives on time gets fed breakfast. I was under the impression they asked the kids if they had breakfast and if they did, they wouldn't give them another. Nope. So ever since finding out he eats breakfast at school, I have limited his breakfast at home. Instead of 2 or 3 muffins, he will get 1. Instead of 2 waffles he will only get 1 and so forth. Today he had 1 of those banana muffins I made 2 days ago and I dropped him off.

When I picked him up he was mad. Oh so mad. He let me know. He let me know that this morning they had colorful cereal. The little circles and they had all kinds of colors like a rainbow, not those boring gray ones I have given him before, but the truly colorful ones. So pretty it made his milk look like a rainbow and why have I never bought him those. and how all his friends were laughing and calling him crazy because he never had those before.Why why???

Uh....how do you explain processed food and food coloring is bad for a kid?? YOu don't. I explained to him its not good for you, he didn't buy it. I told him that mommy doesn't eat that so therefore I don't have the habit to buying it. That didn't help either, he said the first thing he will ask daddy when daddy gets home is to buy those instead of the peanut butter chocolate ones daddy likes.

And yes ladies and gentleman, my almost 5 year old has never had fruit loops before. Oh the shame. He will definitely need therapy.

So see, damned if I try to feed him healthy, damned if I don't and get critiziced. Oh finding this balance without denying my child anything is proving to difficult.

Where is that wine again???

love A

Material possessions sometimes can make one smile bright!!

2011-09-13T08:35:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, at 6pm the Fedex man knocked on my door and delivered a big box. After being bombarded with thousands of questions "What is that??" What did you get me? is that a pony??", I got down to business of opening the box and inside was my mixer. Even the kids let out a couple of "OHHS" and "AHH"S" more than if it were a pony.

I have been waiting for one for 5 years, and after my husband gifting it to me for my 30th, 3 months ago, I had to wait until it went on sale. Sometimes I am way too frugal for my own good, but that is not here nor there. I got an amazing deal at Amazon and got a cinnamon 5qt artisan with the stainless steel bowl and spent a bit more to get the glass bowl. I am so happy with it.

Isn't she so pretty?? I could stare at this picture for hours :)

Last night I needed to try it out, so after wiping it down a couple of times, caressing it some more, washing the bowls, wiping it more, kissing it, hugging it, I needed something to bake.

Now I have spent the whole weekend making cupcakes so I could find the right frosting to use on ds's birthday cake at the end of the this month. Even though I love baking, I was tired, but that didn't deter me. I hopped on allrecipes, found this recipe for muffins :

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-chip-banana-muffins-2/detail.aspx

and got started.

Let me just say that this mixer is amazing. My old sunbeam I had to press a button to lift the head, the button always got stuck it caused a lot of cussing. Not the KA. There is a button that you move it forward or backwards, you can do it with one finger and lift the head with one finger. Also the paddle (just one) its so easy to take it out. The only issue I am having is how to screw the glass bowl in. I can do it but it takes me a couple of minutes to line it up. I am sure I will pick it up soon. But asides from that, it is awesome. Its so quiet, beautiful, easy, life changing really. I might have kissed it some more and hugged it again.

Best purchase in a very long time. If you have been waiting to get one, do it. You will be satisfied.

Now onto the muffins. Delicious and this will be my go to muffin recipe. I subbed apple sauce for oil, splenda for sugar, and I used yoplait strawberry yogurt because that is what I had on hand, gave it to the kids for breakfast and my son pipped up with "OMG mommy these are so good and not dry like the last ones".

Win :)

PS: What kind of attachments you guys have?? What do you recommend??

Love A.

Traveling without leaving your kitchen

2011-09-12T08:56:00.001-07:00

If you love other cultures, but can't just drop thousands and hop on a plane to do it, the easiest way to experience that is in your kitchen.

I feel like you need to learn a little bit about brazilian culture (mostly yummy food) so every so often I will post a recipe that you should try because it is a sure hit. I will feel wonderful introducing you new things and you will feel great woing your significant other with a dish so yummy he will think you been jet setting instead of doing your backed up laundry. So lets begin...

Todays dish is brigadeiro (For me to teach people how to pronounce things I like doing it this way : Bri (like Britain)-ga(like gabba-gabba) dei(like day)-ro(like roman). Put it all together and you can pronounce this piece of heaven.
If you ever attend a birthday party, wedding, funeral, baby shower, retirement party, or just a simple get together in Brazil or hosted by Brazillians, brigadeiros will be grazing the tables.

That is a brigadeiro. If you have had the luck to attend a gathering at my house, you have tried one. If not, than you got to make it yourself. Trust me you wont be dissapointed. The best way I can explain its a mixture between fudge and truffles. Not overly sweet and it goes down so smooth. There are 2 ways to make it. If you are just making it for your family and don't want to go through the steps of rolling and dipping, you can make it, freeze it, then hand everyone a spoon, and go to town. That is what we do at my house. If you are making it for a party, then you can't do that.

Okay so to make brigadeiro you need:

1 can of condensed milk (any walmart carries it. Sometimes its by the spanish section sometimes its by the baking section. Keep your eyes open and read the can. Don't confuse it with table cream or evaporated cream),

1/2 cup of nesquick (again by the spanish section. Nesquick is chocolate powder. Sweeten. So the next time you are making chocolate milk, don't use chocolate syrup. Use nesquick. Its 10x better and good for you. My husband who grew up drinking chocolate milk made with chocolate syrup will never touch the stuff again after he had milk made with nesquick)

1 TB of butter

You take a pan, open a can of condensed milk, go ahead lick it, its that good and no one is watching, 1 TB of butter, and nesquick. How ever much you want. I start with half a cup and mix it then add a bit more. Whatever color you want it. Bring everything to a boil then turn the heat down to medium and dont stop stirring. That is the crap part. You have to continue on stirring or it will burn. After a while, you tilt the pan to the side a bit and if everything is moving to the side without sticking to the bottom, its ready. You transfer it to a dish and stick it in the freezer. If sharing with family you are done. You hand everyone a spoon and prepare to meet heaven. If its not, after its rock hard, you put a tiny bit of butter in your hands. Roll it into little balls, roll it on chocolate sprinkles and you are done. Kids love it, adults love it, its sure to be a major hit at your next party.

Also there is something called Brigadeiro cake :

(this is the website I copied this picture from : http://www.panelaterapia.com/2011/03/brigadeirao-de-microondas.html because I can never take a good enough picture. Its all in portuguese though ;)

This is the easiest dessert you will ever make. Seriously, I don't think it can get easier than this.

1 can of condensed milk
1 can of table cream(without the liquid. Stick the can in the fridge. After 15 minutes, make 2 little holes on each side at the bottom and drain the liquid)
3 eggs
1 tsp of vanilla extract
1 TBS of unsalted butter
1/2 cup of chocolate nesquick
3TBS of sugar (the original recipe calls for it. Omit it. I promise you, you wont need it)

Now for the hard part...throw every single ingredient in your blender. No order just toss everything in. Blend it for a couple minutes until everything is mixed together. Take a microwave safe dish. Spray it with cooking spray, dump everything in after its all blended up. Microwave for 8 minutes and you are done. Throw some chocolate sprinkles on top, and put it in the fridge. The colder the better. If you want to transfer it to a plate so serve it, wait until its been in the fridge for a little bit.

That is it. You got a delicious dessert that took you less than 10 minutes. I bet you will spend more time looking for the ingredients that you will putting this together.

Now for my overseas friends, if you want to make this and can't find the ingredients like the condensed milk, table cream or nesquick, let me know. I will be more than glad to ship it to you. Seriously, I want everyone to have a slice of heaven ;)

Another thing because we have been talking about condensed milk. There is a recipe on pinterest saying if you take a can of condensed milk, put it in the crockpot submerged in water, 8 hours later you will get caramel. Don't believe that. If you do that you will get dulce de leche. Now some people will like to say dulce de leche translated to english is caramel. Its not. Its the closest thing you can call it, but its not. Caramel and dulce de leche are two very different distinct tastes. If you don't believe me try it and see. Try it anyways because dulce de leche is better than caramel and that will open a whole new world to you.

Enjoy it

love A

Sept 11

2011-09-11T07:56:00.001-07:00

People will remember specific dates because of the joy it brought them, or the happiness, or the accomplishment they reached. This date is remembered as a day in which America changed. A day of sadness, a day that rattled and shook us. A date in which heroes were born, heroes were lost and many innocent people got caught in the middle. Everyone will remember where they were today 10 years ago. You might forget what food you ate at your wedding, or what you were wearing when you brought your child home, but you will never forget where you were and what you were feeling 10 years ago on this date. Most important, try to never forget those that lost their lives. The only way to truly honor the dead is by living, living in a way that will make them proud.

My internet friends...

2011-09-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

When dh first joined the Army, I needed a place to figure out what the acronyms meant, when we would get paid, where would we move, how to deal with the insanity the military is and just an outlet to vent. I came across a book that took me to a website and there I stayed. Over the years this website has changed and morphed more than possible. The name got changed, new members came in, old members left, the name changed again, the platform changed,the url changed, but through it all the friendship survived.

For a civillian it might make no sense how can I consider these girls friends. Well I will tell you, when your husband just deployed, and its 2 am and you don't want to head to the cold bed alone because after 200 days, you are sick and tired of going to bed alone, or when your are rocking your infant child past 3 am, you can hop on this website and get support and kind words. These girls have done it all. Through our darkest hour; from death of a spouse to the horrible medical diagnoses through the grueling hours of pacing and uncertainty if you will get a knock on your door after some helicopter crash halfway across the world, we supported and consoled each other.

Some of us have even met in real life. Some of us didn't have to give birth alone because our online "friends" were there with us holding our hands while our SO's were thousand of miles away. We have met for coffee and play dates and didn't have to pack our house alone for the 5th time because there were friends there helping us. Some of us are friends on facebook and send each other birth announcements, wedding announcements and christmas cards. While some of us never met in person, the love I feel for these girls are unexplainable.

I have smiled and cried through their trials and accomplishments. When someone got a positive pregnancy test after trying for so long, I have smiled and felt genuinely happy for them. Their homecoming pictures always gets to me even more than any homecoming pictures because through the deployment fears and worry, I was there with them offering a kind word or just a virtual hug, just like it had been done for me many times before.

If I had any grace during my first round of motherhood/deployment was because of their advice and how they kept me sane laughing over "turkey vagina" jokes at 2am.

Oh its not all sad and gloom. I guarantee that anytime a coach bag, cow porn, crab dip, fake pearls and a bob is mentioned, no matter where they are in the world, they will smile because of the memories it will bring them and myself.

Although we are no longer military, we are all still friends, still sharing stories ideas, tips and advice on everything under the sun. I still smile just as much when someone gets a positive on a pregnancy test, and shed just as many tears when a friend looses a child or a husband. I love these girls and am forever thankful for them, even if some of them only live inside my computer screen.

Love A

The "I don't have an accent" Vlog

2011-09-06T10:26:00.001-07:00

Across the blogging world, everyone is posting these videos with them repeating some words and answering some question. I have watched a ton of them and think they are awesome but never had the guts to do it, finally today I got a bug up my ass and decided I was going to do one and post it.

Keep in mind a couple of things:

-I suck at public speaking

-I despise being in front of the camera

-I make funny faces when I talk. I don't know why. I have issues. No serious disseases(that I know) that causes this facial twitching. So please free to make fun of me without guilt.

I am supposed to say these words :

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

And answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

I think I missed a word or two. I am not making another video this was was hard enough to gather up the courage :)

Enjoy it, point, laugh, its no biggie. I am and gather up the courage and make your own just to please me :)

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Love A

A change would do you good!!!!

2011-09-03T16:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am borrowing lyrics for my title but it fits so we will go with it.

I just got my hair done and I love it. For the first time in a long time I am happy. I had the same style since hs. I been in desperate need of a change and what easier way to do than changing my do.

A couple of posts back you will see I cut it, then I did a DIY home kit and tried a dark red. Didn't work. I ended up with just tinted red hair.

Finally on friday, I had court in the morning (dumping out soda out of my car window just the liquid and getting a ticket for littering and feeling it was unfair so decided to fight and it was the pretrial hearing). Well couldn't take Ju with me. Something about courthouses deeming lighters, matches, weapons and children a nono. Mommy babysat and after I was done, she asked me to give her a ride to the hair saloon. When we got there, she convinced me to go inside. I had no plans to do anything yet because I didn't know what I wanted and I also had baby with me. I can get my nails done with Ju just fine. She will sit on my lap play with my hair and be a good girl. Hair saloon was new territory. I decided to take the risk.

I went inside and told the guy do whatever you think it will look good. I need some highlights and at least shoulder length in order to tie it back but do what you please. This was my first time getting a hair cut by a guy and I was a bit intimidated. Well he said something about a cut, layers, some honey brown highlights, something for the roots and looking like a princess after he was done. He is Puerto Rican and spoke in such an adorable accent, he could have said short and green and I would have nodded yes.

Ju was a trooper. She was sitting with me for a while then started walking around the saloon. All the guys were wrapped around her little finger, giving her toys to play, snacks, and just loving on her. My mom just touched up her gray and 50 minutes later and I was done.

I loved it. He did such a good job and I extremely happy with it. I will go back to him every single time.

So without further ado here are the pictures :

**Please excuse the self portraits. I am um capable of taking a decent picture and a photogenic award will never be in my future.

Before. Besides a little wrinkles around the eyes, it mirrors my yearbook picture.

DIY Attempt at dark red. Never again!

Finally a style I am happy with :) (Please do not judge me by my horrible 1950's cabinet and overhead lighting. I rent and have a very difficult landlord and I refuse to take pictures in the bathroom in front of the toilet like so many people seem to do nowadays!!!!!!!

Through all of this I learned a very important lesson, yes at home is cheaper and easier, but somethings you just can't afford to save money.

Love A

Weight loss insanity!!!!

2011-08-31T10:20:00.001-07:00

Ai Ai Ai what wont we do to loose a couple of pounds???

Anyone that knows me , knows I have struggled with my weight for years. I arrived here a 13 yrs old less than 100 lbs soaking wet. Stress, new country, new culture, different eating habits, laziness, you name it has made me overweight. By hs I started the weight loss journey. I have yet to reach my goal but hope is the last to die right??

Well I can maintain my weight with no problem. I weigh the same I did 9 years ago when I got married. There is a 10lb range that I stay in. When dh leaves, I get to the lower of that range, when he gets home I will reach the higher end of that range but always the same. I can fit into my wedding gown for goodness sake. I guess there is a positive to everything.

Well I am up for trying anything when it comes to loosing this weight and finally winning this battle. I can't even name everything I have tried. Insanity to some desperation to me.

Last week my Groupon had a special for $95 you get a Five week Systemic Lipotropic Fat Loss Program. Out of that sentence, I had to google 2 words because I had no clue what their definition were, but that didn't stop me. I saw fat loss program and bought it before I even finished reading the description.

After reading the description, I found out I would get a consultation, a 5 week supply of B6 and B12 weight loss shots and Syringes.

Score. Not too long ago my doctor was giving me B12 shots to boost my energy level. I have fatigue disorder, am always tired, no matter how much sleep or vitamins or clean diet I eat. My life is a blur of yawning, cupious amounts of coffee and snooze button hitting.
Those B12 shots helped a ton. They were right in my hip bone and burned while going in, but for the first time ever, I jumped out of bed in the mornings. The only downfall is they were $25 a pop, needed once a week and insurance didn't cover. After a month I couldn't justify that expense anymore.

Well, I been exhausted and needed to try something new and jumped at this opportunity. I called and made my appointment for today.

I get there and its at the ritziest part of town. Porches and mercedes line the streets. I am already feeling self concious and I got Ju with me. I walk inside this clinic and Barbie would feel self concious. Everyone was perfectly dressed, gorgeous and tiny. I had the urge to check out the back to make sure they don't have a secret fabric that spits out gorgeous people in 2.5 seconds flat.

I show my groupon, fill out tons of paperwork, and get taken to a room. In comes Brad Pitt if Brad Pitt were to loose 30 lbs. This guy talked a mile a minute, asked my issues, grabbed a blue bag, rattled off statistics about 90% of the population having a deficiency of B12 and B6 and how beneficial it is and then proceeded to explain to me how to load the syringe and how to apply myself the injections. Come again?? You want me to shoot up?? Uh I am not comfortable with this.

He tells me it wont hurt (dude pain is not my issue. Do you know how painful it was the cabagge diet or those hip bones B12 shots I was taking??) My issue is shooting myself up.

He loads the syringe, making sure to repeat a couple of times to never forget to wipe the bottle and the injection site with alcohool (more statistics about infection. Too bad at this point I am not really listening. I was still stuck on the I have to shoot myself up deal) and asks me if I have any qualms about lifting my shirt up that he will help me with the first one.

I am no prude. I have had 2 csections, I have been waxed and bedazzled. I am mean don't get me wrong..I have decency. People in the street are already going to think "Oh look she is fat". I make sure I dress extremely well and take care of myself because God forbid they were to say "OMG look she is fat, doesn't know how to dress for her size and have ugly piggies". Oh no way.
So while I dress casual, jeans and T-shirt, you will never catch me with a belly showing shirt, or worse a pair of pants with the words "HOT STUFF" on the back.

So I told him no qualms at all. I need help. I lift my shirt, pinch the right side of my belly button like he demonstrated, wipe it with the solution, grab the syringe and as I am about to shoot up like he explained he stops me and tells me "you have to go in a angle". Another deep breath, a quick rattle of prayers for strenght and boom. I did it. I shot myself up. I started pushing this supposedly magic liquid inside and was so thankful I didn't have to do this again. Until he informs me I have to do this every day except sundays until my 5 week supply is gone.

He tries to sell me a bunch of overpriced appetite suppressants that I politely decline. I am very content with my $17 from Amazon Atrophex that helps keep my hunger in check. I have no desire to buy into another gimmick. He hands me cards, flyers and brochures and I leave.

All the way back to the car I am thinking how did I get myself into this situation?? How did something that sounded so awesome just last friday now sounds horrible??

Well the injection site is sore, I am hoping and praying I will be bouncing the walls soon with much needed energy and I am praying even harder I will have the guts to shoot myself up tomorrow again without the help and without screwing up.

I think I need a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is my prized loot all in its glory!!

Love A

Religion and children..

2011-08-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

*DISCLAIMER: When I use the word "religion" please understand I mean " relationship with God". Its just easier to write religion.

About 90% of the blogs I read, the writer is religious (or aka as noted on the disclaimer have a relationship with God). No, I don't discriminate. I guess I just tend to flow that way and like that. I am sure I could read a blog post about someone bashing God, but it would be a one time read only and I wouldn't go back only because that train of thought doesn't interest me. Don't get me wrong, I would love to pick the brain of someone that truly doesn't believe in God to see how they got to be that way and what drove them to that. If it was upbringing or outside influence or what and their reasoning, but since religion is such a hot subject, I have no one jumping up and down volunteering to be my lab rat, its a question, I will probably die with. Oh well!!!

But anyways, very rarely will people talk about it openly. I don't know why that it. Sometimes they will mention they believe in God or even post a pin they pinned about it, but really deeply talk about it?? I dont see it, only on the blogs geared towards religion discussion.
People will talk about mommy wars, their stance on gay marriage, the war and so many other controversial topics, but this one people tend to stay away from it. I guess all the past wars have left a very deep reminder on people on what it can happen when there is religious disagreement. Since I don't shy away from anything, was born without a filter, I am going to talk about it.

First a little background..I was raised with Catholicism forced down my throat. I failed first communion 4 times to the dismay of my grandparents. I am 30 and have never done first communion. Oh the shame. Then through my teenage years, my parents started to follow Allan Kardec teaching (if you are not familiar with it, the basic believe is Reincarnation. You are born blind on this life..well last lifetime you caused someone to loose an eye. Whatever you do here, you will pay for it. This lifetime or the next). I lived in their house, and under 18, I got dragged to it. I actually enjoyed it and a lot of my questions got answered and I got some explanations that today I still carry it with me.

Through my teenage angst a couple of suicide attempts, near death experiences and lot of soul searching, a huge spiritual transformation happened. I accepted Christ into my heart and decided loving God and His son was enough for me. I didn't need anything else. I could make mistakes, not have to beat myself for it, ask for forgiveness and I was going to be just fine. My life did a 180. Not long after, I read "The Purpose Driven life" got thousands more questions answered, deepen my relationship with God, and found a new way to talk to them. Oh yeah I don't say "Hail Mary's" anymore. I am the one going "Seriously God?? What the heck where you thinking?? I am not happy with this decision at all". I am sure I will cause my mother's heart to stop someday soon and she is pretty close to bathing me in holy water. But I love it. Its who I am, the true me. I feel so much closer to God because I am being me, if I tried anything else, I would be faking it, which is what I did in my early years, and which God was aware.

Well I am 30 years old, with a extremely strong relationship with God, I believe Jesus was our savior, I believe my life is 10 thousand times better because of it. I don't pray, I have conversations with God, honest raw ones.I could never recite a passage. I only go to church when I feel like it, I love a good margarita, I can make a sailor blush, I smoke (which I am trying so hard to quit), I love some dancing and some fornication ;) (with my husband only of course), I am not that much of a hussy, don't worry. But that is who I am and I am sure God loves me just the same, heck he made me and gave me free will. Even though at times, I am sure he regrets that decision.

Back to the point, this relationship with God is the most important thing in my life. Above my relationship with my husband and my children, because I know this is the only guaranteed thing in this life. Tomorrow my husband could easily trade me for Megan Fox and my children could pass. So this relationship with God is my foundation and the most important thing I have because it will keep me alive, sane, and help me get through anything in this world.

This relationship is the most important thing I want to give to my children. I feel this is all they need in life. If I can give them this, I feel like my job as a mother is done because with this relationship, even when I screw up, they will forgive me like God has forgiven them. They wont ever need anything because He will provide for them in fully with whatever they need. They will be satisfied with however much or little they have, they will go through trials and come out triumph on the other side.

How to do that is my main question and what causes me many sleepless night. I absolutely can not fuck this up. Under no circumstances. This I need to get it right because talking to many, one of the main reasons they turned away from God, Jesus and religion, is the way it was delivered, by their parents, their peers or whatever. It was shoved down their throats and they disagreed with. I can completely understand that. I only feel comfortable in a non denominational church, anywhere else I feel like I am being judged and don't believe with a lot of their teachings. I march to the beat of my own drum and feel everyone should do the same. So, I need to find a way to teach my children how to love and adore God and to believe in all the good Jesus has done for them.

I have talked to other parents and some of them wont teach their kids anything and just let them find their own way. I am glad that works for them, but that would never work for me. My job as a mother is to teach and guide my children. I don't just hand them 2 knives, a rock and some flint and wave goodbye. I am there everyday teaching answering questions and I don't think it should be any different when it comes to religion.

At 30, hearing about too may religions confuse me, there is no way I can do that to my children. I want them to know the basics. God and Jesus anything else is not important. Not at all. Its very simple. You got those 2 in your heart, and you are good to go. Whatever happens next lifetime, whatever happened in the past, none of it matters and will make a difference.

How to teach them that? How to not screw up??

I have begun the teaching process when they were 2 and newborn and dh and I found an amazing non denom church in NC. We have always talked about God. My favorite expression is OMG. Ds hears it all the time, dd repeats it. I sometimes talk to God aloud "Please God hold off this rain just until we get home". Kids are like sponges they absorb everything.
Right after dh left, I came up with a prayer from pieces here and there to teach them the basics and it goes like this :

"Dear God, who made the planets, who made the earth, who made us, you are Jesus father and we thank you for given him to us. Thank you for our blessings, our house, our food, our family and friends, dad and all the good things you have given us. Always in our heart we love you. Amen". Then I tell them to say sorry for something and say thank you for something.

Sometimes they say thank you for he simplest things and sorry for very serious stuff (like the homeless man we just saw on the highway) that will tug at my heart. I want to instill that in them. The thankfulness and the realization that even though we make mistakes, we are forgiven. There is a passage in the Bible that says something about (I don't know the right wording so bear with me), but anyways, it pretty much sums up that if you give your children a strong foundation in our Lord, they might veer and move here or there, but they will always come back.

I have no idea if I am doing it the right way or the wrong way. Heck sometimes my son says his belly hurts because God is in there pushing on it. I seriously think he believes God is a full size person that lives inside his hear and pushes things around and sometimes causes his belly to hurt ;)
I hope I am doing the right thing and I really wished more people talked about this more often and it wasnt such a taboo subject because I truly believe through the exchange of ideas, is how we learn and grow.

Love A

Sorry about the screams...

2011-08-25T06:10:00.000-07:00

Some moms will cry on days like today, some moms will have a hard time letting go, some will stand by the bus stop waving and waving to the already disappearing bus.

Some moms will feel lost, they wont know what to do with their time.

Well, I am not some moms.

I am screaming because I am so freaking excited. This day has finally come. I am so happy I could scream from the rooftops. I have plenty to do with my time that includes baking yummy stuff, continuing on potty training a stubborn 2 year old and episodes of Glee to watch. I am happy. I love new phases. I have kept this child alive happy and healthy until its time for him to go to school...that is a huge accomplishment and one I will brag about it.

Now we will have new subject matter to talk about. Gone will be the talks about what I dreamed last night and trucks on the road, in will come absolutely new subject matter. Hopefully what he learned and not gossip about who got in trouble.

I love him, I miss him, but I believe missing someone is important and part of a healthy relationship, so that is why I am so excited about this.

So while you are crying, I am shouting from the rooftops....My son is in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(I was so excited, I forgot to charge my camera and you are left with crappy iphone pic...sooooooory)

Cooking my way through Pinterest

2011-08-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before , I discovered Pinterest and have been cooking my way through it, pinning way too much and wasting hours on this wonder site. It has helped me a ton to get my creative juices flowing in the kitchen and I am super excited to try new recipes.

I debating doing a challenge after the hubby is home and for one month only cook thing we have never made before. It seems exciting and get us out of our comfort zones.

So anyways, this past week I have made 3 things and bacon.

Let me start with the bacon. I have never made bacon before. I didn't eat bacon from the time I was 5 until I was 20 years old. I loved pigs, collected them and eating bacon just seemed wrong. Enter dh and all hell broke loose. He started making delicious sunday morning breakfasts and always a side of bacon for him, one bite was all it took. I was a goner. I still never made bacon. Just seemed like a big hassle and I don't fry, not to mention I despise how the house smells after you fry something. Not for me.

After a couple years while at our friends house, he showed dh how to make bacon with the george foreman. Gone was the hassle and in comes a new easier way and dh's current method.

This past february while up in PA, dh's cousin made breakfast for us one night and he cooked bacon in the oven. Delicious and and no frying. I was sold. Well, dh and I were too busy catching up/drinking way too much to noticed the temps or time he cooked this wonder.

While at my bff's house in VA, we tried to recreate making bacon in the oven because she never heard of it and only half was good. I never made bacon again until I stumbled upon a new recipe at Pinterest. Pretty much you take a cookie sheet, cover with foil, place your defrosted bacon on it, throw it in the cold oven, set it to 400 and set the time for anywhere between 17-20 minutes. My oven took 20 minutes but out came the most amazing melt in your mouth bacon ever, no hassle easy clean up. Yeahhh :)

Also I have made this hawaiian chicken. I served it over white rice with a side of veggies. I didn't like it :( I don't know if it was the type of bbq sauce I made or what but it didn't taste right. The kids loved it. I am going to tweak it some more after dh is home and can give me some feedback but to me it the taste was off.

Then came this one : Breakfast casserole.. That was delicious. I made it for dinner one night and was extremely pleased with it. I added green onions and some diced tomatoes to give it some color and it was super. That is going in the cookbooks.

There is a very similar recipe to this floating around on Pinterest called "Weight watchers pizza". If you want to try that one, go ahead. Its so similar to this one, I am sure you will enjoy it.

Last but not least I made a french toast casserole. I made a couple changes including using way less sugar,less eggs, using evaporated milk instead of buttermilk (I never remember to buy it) and also I followed one of the commenters and changed the mode of preparation.
It was good extremely good. Dh is a huge fan of french toast casserole, so I have been on the search for a recipe to wow him since the old one I used was so so in his book. I think this one will wow him, we will see.

That is it so far. I have big plans for this week in terms of continuing on cooking my way through Pinterest. Right now I am on a bit of a hold to see if this hurricane will hit us or not and instead of planning new recipes I am keeping close watch on the news to see if water bottles and tons of batteries and running around like a nut freaking out, will be in my near future or not. Only time will tell.

So tell me, do you guys always cook the same thing or are you all always adding new recipes?? Any that you love?? Share share

Love A

Weekend Resort

2011-08-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

Every single weekend for the past month, the kids and I have gone to a resort to rest, relax, and just get away from the routine.

We arrive at this resort at around noon, after I have done laundry and ran errands, we strip down to our bathing suits, run out of air filling out millions of floats and toys and jump in the pool, (The pool is above ground and not a pool that you would expect at a real resort, but its heaven to us), there is a lot of splashing, tons of giggling, funny faces being made and repeated warnings for the toddler to stop drinking the pool water.

There is various calls for "mom look at this, moooom look what I can do". You see the 4 yr old spent 5 weeks and $139 of my hard earned money going to swimming lessons and left not even being able to put his head under water and me devasted. Water is such a big important part of our lives, how will it continue on being if he screams and cries and is petrified??

Well a couple of weeks at this resort with a private coach that has an immense amount of patience and this child can now swim under water, float, jump, splash and is so proud he requires mommys attention every five seconds, and I clap and sing out praises, because serious guys, this is nothing short of a miracle.

After a couple hours of everyone being sun kissed we get out and feast. From delicious bbq ribs that the cook has just perfected, to meat, sausage, chicken legs, chicken hearts, or salmon with some shrimp served over a bed of salad and roasted veggies as a side dish. By the time everyone is stuffed, we lounge around the hammock, sipping our beers, enjoying the 95 degree weather but safe under the shade, we let digestion work itself.

30 minutes goes by, the children have already enjoyed their little area that papa created and are ready to go back to the pool. Who are we to say no?? back we go. By the time 4pm rolls, we are all exhausted, and extremely wrinkly. Time to get out of the pool and dry out, and by this point we know its time. The children are exhausted they don't even argue. We dry them out, go inside for some frozen yogurt, then pack up the car, give everyone kisses and leave the resort only with promises to be back every single weekend.

The 10 minute ride home is the oldest reliving his love for his grandparents and the youngest almost falling asleep. We get home, everyone gets a bath, some dinner, a bit of milk sipping and some cartoons for some half awake children. By 7:30 their eyes wont stay up anymore, I drag them upstairs for night routine, books and bed. As I kissed their sun kissed heads, I thank God for surviving one more weekend without my husband and for the amazing parents I have that makes it all possible.

You see, my parents are truly amazing. They know a lot and its my hope to one day be like them. They own a granite/cabinet business. The creations they make is unbelievable. They are out of this world. We don't agree on a lot, but I am their biggest fan. Being an only child, my children are their only grandchildren, being older and more wiser, they learned with age that they seriously are the best grandparents around. They will laugh and play with them. They will make funny faces over and over again just to get one more giggle from the children. They will roll on the floor with them and are not afraid to get dirty. They spoil them a lot and I try to reign that in, but they know that rolling around on the floor is more important than anything they could buy them, so they do it even more the days they got them an extra toy and know I will say something.

This is my resort :

BEFORE :

DURING:

AFTER

Yes, my resort is in their backyard. The same backyard they built in about 2 weeks with their bare hands. I told you they were awesome, I wasn't lying :)

So, as I tuck my children in bed each and every night, I am thankful. Thankful for some amazing parents that are the kind of grandparents everyone deserves.

Love A

2nd time around the block....

2011-08-17T06:41:00.001-07:00

This is our second time around the block. We are almost done with this deployment. To say it out loud that I have been doing this alone for 11 months is mind boggling. No, there is no cliches around here. Time did not fly. I felt every single day of those 11 months and as anxiety is starting to creep up, time is moving even slower.

I would love to sit here and say the 2nd time is easier. I know so many military wives that are gearing up for their second long separation, I wish I had good news to them. But unfortunately I don't. For me, second time wasn't easier at all.

These deployments are like night and day. 1st one was to Iraq, dh was still in the Army, he left the wire every day and did hundreds of dangerous convoys. He left 2 weeks before I gave birth for the first time, came home when ds was 1 week old and then left again and we didn't see each other until 11 months later. I moved in with my parents, then after 6 months was craving my independence, packed up my 6 month old and moved back to Texas on my own. I grew as a person, learned a ton, and just stood on my own two feet.

This time he is a civilian contractor in Afghanistan. He is not allowed to go outside the wire, and asides from the rocket explosions, he is pretty safe. Or safer than before, or maybe that is what I like to tell myself. We now have 2 kids, I have lived on my own this whole time, and his R&R was halfway through. I didn't have to go almost 11 months without seeing him.

Don't get me wrong, in a sense its easier. I am more prepared, know what to expect, and I am more mature. First time I was 25 now I just turned 30 during the middle of it. 5 years is a big difference. Through everything that we have been through, I have grown. This time I knew that the beginning is horrible, the week after R&R is unbearable, and the month before homecoming is out of this world. Knowing what to expect makes it easier because I am nicer to myself.

I will openly cry, I tell my children I miss their daddy, I don't hide anything from them and I give myself a pass. I don't have to have a perfect house and 3 course meal on the table every night without ever shedding a tear. Screw that!!! You can't live like that. If you can more props to you, but I can't. If I don't feel like doing laundry today and tomorrow my kids will have to wear last halloweens costume, so be it. If dinner is grilled cheese, oh well. That doesn't make me any less or any more of a woman or a mother. That just proves I am normal and real.

So to say its easier, nope. Not at all. The pain I have felt this past 11 months is just the same. The hollow sense I have felt without having my best friend around, my partner in life, hasn't changed. The tug of my heart when the children do something cute and he is missing is still there. It's all the same.

We did what we had to do to be where we want to be. We sacrificed a lot and will enjoy the rewards of those sacrifices, but to say it was easier. No way, no how!!!!!!!!!! and for everyone that is gearing up for their 2nd time around the block, I am sorry. My hope and prayers is that somehow its easier for you. Somehow, I truly wish time flies for you guys, and that you can say, piece of cake.

and if it isn't, don't worry. You got me that completely understands it and sometimes that is enough.

Love A

In the end, it will all even out!!!!!!

2011-08-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

You know mommy wars are rampant. You can't be a mother and never feel the glares or nasty comments about your decisions. Wether they come from family members or friends, or even strangers, it seems like the moment you give birth, everyone has got an opinion about this that and the other thing.

Babies don't come with manuals, so therefore you got to listen to everything and make the decision that is best for you and your child. You end up second guessing yourself and sometimes rocking in dark corner paralyzed with fear because you think you have screwed up your child.

There is so many disagreements from formula vs BM, cloth vs disposable,VAx vs no Vax, staying at home vs going to work, public school vs homeschooling. And so forth. The list goes on and on. I believe democrats and republicans can agree more with each other than mommies can. Its that instinct to take care of this immense gift that you have been given, that you want to care for it, and adore, and do it right.

Well guess what?? You are going to screw up. You are going to regret some decisions. Its life, welcome to it. No one is going to make every correct decision, your child will end up hurting over a decision you made. There is no way around. You can try to ease that pain, but it will happen. And under no circumstances will you make decisions that will please every single mommy you know, so just stop trying. Seriously, I promise you, it will just be a waste of time. Build a thicker skin, research, and make a conscious decision. Don't make decisions based on what your mommy told you, or what you friend did or even what the pediatrician told you to. Dont just believe everyone, research, ask questions, be proactive, and make a decision based on your gut instinct.

I usually try to stay away from the mommy wars. Once in a blue moon I will comment on what I did if a brand new mom is asking, because its overwhelming in the beginning, so to try to help them out, I will mention a thing or two.

I think what has helped me is that I am not 100% passionate about anything. I can understand both sides of the issue when it comes to everything, so that has helped me a ton. I can understand why ppl choose formula over BM, why they circ and why they dont, why they use cloth over disposable and so forth. The only thing I can't really understand and doesn't enter my head is why people will give baby jar food over mashing some bananas or mashing some baby food at home. There is preservatives and crap in those little jars that your baby doesn't need. Once in a while fine, but I have met many children that have been eating food since 5 months old and they don't get a real piece of fruit or meat until well over 1. Everything before is that jar crap.
That never enters my mind. Its cheaper and healthier and so freaking easy, but then again I visit chick fillet often and my children love chinese. MSG anyone?? So I keep my mouth shut about it most of the time.

Well, I formula fed my children. My first and my 2nd. I did it because breast feeding hurt, I felt like a cow, I was clumsy and it just didn't feel natural to me. I tried with both, but after 2 weeks I just couldn't do it. It wasn't for me. I have shed many tears over it because I didn't get to feel this bonding experience that moms that breast feed talk about it and the whole money savings, and everything else. I felt like a failure. I know in my mind BM is better than formula. I am not stupid and got two cents of common sense. Yet knowing all of this, I just couldn't do it. I could have 10 kids and my feelings wouldn't change.

BM is better than formula, but I don't think formula is the devil like so many moms that are able to breast feed like to portray. I wish I could have pulled out my boob and given my child what nature intended. But I couldn't, can't and after many tears shed and many hurt and pain, I have come to terms with my decision. I don't regret it because I know I tried my hardest, and sometimes your hardest is just not good enough.

Well I have a "friend" on facebook that is a major advocate for breast feeding. She breast fed her son, and is currently breast feeding her daughter. She is always posting how BM is better and the tons of science to back it up. Not a big deal, never bothered me. She is not telling me anything I didn't know. She has once rolled her eyes at me and acted superior when she found out I formula fed, she wasn't the first she wasn't the last, I ignored it. She continued on posting pictures of breast feeding her daughter, and when she did it past 1 yr and is still going strong, I congratulated her.

Yesterday, she posted how she is on a new diet, and her new diet plan is to only eat half of her lean cuisine and share the other half with her child. Who is just a little over 1 now. I dropped her. I know immature, but that is the problem when you have a holier than thou attitude, its kind of hard to keep it up. How can you look down on me for formula feeding my children, but then sit there and give them lean cuisine meals that are full of preservatives and all kinds of crap that I can't even pronounced it.
DO I eat them?? You bet. I love their pizza. If I buy a pizza, I over eat, buy buying one of those, it helps me with portion control. But you can bet your bottom dollar, my child has never even touched one. They started off with formula, but pretty soon moved on to 100% home made baby food (I posted a while back about my dad paying over $100 to overnight me homemade baby food on ice because I had just moved into a new place and it was going to take a while to unpack and get everything set and he didn't want me to fall into temptation of easiness and give ds jar stuff), and even to today they eat extremely healthy.

Yeah we know our local chinese restaurant very well, but right now my 2 yr old is sitting here downing a shake made of spinach, broccoli, strawberry, and bananas.

My whole long rant is just a small proof that in the end, it all equals out. You shouldn't look down at anyone or even fight in these mommy wars, because I truly believe, every mom is trying to make the best decision for her child. Even if that decision is completely different than mine. In the end, it will all even out.

Love A

I blame it on turning 30...

2011-08-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

I never cared or wanted to buy a house. Before the military I loved apartment living, and even after. I am not a yard person, can easily murder a cactus, and grass and bugs were never my thing. Planting and digging only gave me dirty fingernails, and sweat to drip down my back, nothing therapeutic about that.

Apartment living provided everything I wanted. A comfortable house, big closet, the amenities of the community and sitting on the stairs drinking beer with my neighbors.If something break, they would fix it. I was very happy. We tossed around the idea of buying a condo, but at the time the market was climbing and fast. The cheapest we could get a 1/1 in S Florida was 190K and we knew we didn't want to stay in S Florida.

In come the military, our first duty station was Ft Hood, Texas. We rented a 2/2 apt right off post and it was fine. I got pregnant, dh deployed, moved back in with my parents, then when I moved back to Texas to wait for my hunny bunny, I decided to rent a house. I had a toddler now, a big yard was nice. After cutting the grass every weekend on triple digits temps, I never wanted to live in a house again. Also at 1500 sq feet, it was a lot more to clean and the more space you have, the more you accumulate.

Hubby got home, and we moved on post. He promised to cut the grass, and I was content. The house on post was decent and provided a lot of amenities, like hubby being able to hit the alarm clock 25 times before he was late, coming home for lunch, everything so close by. There were weeks we never left post. Everything from the post office, to our sons daycare, to the gas station, to the grocery store was inside. No need to venture outside.

Our next duty station took us to Ft Bragg, NC. Again we decided to live on post because of hubby being able to come home for lunch, being able to be home in less than 5 minutes after work was out, and with the amount of people working in Bragg, sometimes traffic was nasty in and out of post. We didn't want to deal with none of that.

The market had crashed and it started being a buyers market. We started to get to know the area (Fayetteville has the nickname of Fayet-nam) which were good areas and which were bad, and considering we were promised to be there for 3 years, it felt like the right time.

Don't get me wrong, I was still scared. I have had so many friends buy homes and then get orders to the other side of the US or even outside of the US months later and then they got to deal with renting it out, or trying to sell quickly. Big ol mess that scared us. But we were ready to take the plunge.

hubby busted his knee, got out of the military and life got turned upside down. I was thankful very thankful we didn't buy a home and vowed we woulnd't buy for a very long long time. If ever.

Well time heals every wound and calms every fear. Its been almost 2 years since that "almost buy a home/thank God we didn't" . Very slowly, I started to think about it again, then I bumped into one home improvement blog, then another, then a gorgeous painted dining room that I could never have since my landlord is a jerk, and another beautiful decorated room, and I was hooked. I got bitten by the bug badly. I want a house yesterday.

I have visions of blue kitchens with this tiny gorgeous tile, white cabinets and my father installing my beautiful shinny granite. I have visions of beautiful green and pink bedroom for my daughter and a blue/dark blue bedroom for my son. I have curb appeal ideas, I have watched more videos about how to install hardwood than I care to admit.

I have catalogued hundreds of tips on how to maxime a small space, how to make no sew curtains that will be in my gorgeous dining room, paint already picked, thank you very much. I have watched videos on how to install sliding doors in case you got a small bathroom and videos on how to install a water filter and how to move your washer and dryer to the garage if the case is necessary in order to have a pantry.

I am ready. 100% ready. I know I need a house with mostly tile or hardwood because my dad despises doing flooring, so convincing him to redo my kitchen with granite and the whole 9 yards will be a lot easier than convincing him to change my flooring, even though he could do either in less than a day. He is amazing, out of this world handy like that. 3/2 1500 sq ft with a yard. Because with 2 kids, sunken trampolines and visions of sitting around a DIY fire pit roasting marshmallows has entered my mind.

Who is this person?? I don't know. Honestly. Months ago I didn't have any of the knowledge I have now. I had no idea that paint came in various forms, and that even though quartz is more popular, its still better to go with granite. Oh yeahh every time I see my father I pick his brain. From paint types, to flooring type and everything in between.

Just last week I mentioned to him how this lady did her whole kitchen from Ikea for a fraction of the cost or how this guy did a concrete counter top and how cool that was. Don't worry. He ripped me a new one very fast. My father despise Ikea (won't even step foot inside) and thinks if you are going to do something its better you do it right and of good quality. If not don't do it at all. The concrete countertop he said was half assed (he used a lot more colorful arguments than that) but we will leave it at that.

This knowledge and way of thinking is what has made him very successful and what makes people go gaga over his work. I learned quickly and shifted my thinking to more quality materials and ideas and research.

Dont get me wrong, I am still going to buy a beautiful Ikea chandelier for my dining room, but I wont get their kitchen ;)

Anyways, the point is I am ready, I want a house badly. Its all I think about breath about or talk about. I seriously blame on turning 30, because in my 20's the thought would have had me jump out of my skin with fear, but now its a need and I am kind of happy and ready for the change. The little 20 year old who loved having the apartment complex fix anything that broke, is the same 30 yr old that is asking for some wallpaper and a fixer up. Seriously, I have no idea where she came from, but I am glad she is here ;)

Love A

Another weekend down...

2011-08-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend took us all over the place. I personally wanted to stay in bed until noon and then go eat at a posh restaurant, but God forbid the kids could agree with me without arguing!

What is it with 4 yr olds and their sharp tongues?? The same sweet tongue that says "You are as pretty as a princess mommy" can spew out.."NO I DONT WANT TO...YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING...I AM GOING TO GO WORK WITH DADDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY".

Fun times around here ;)

So saturday morning took us yard selling. I had my map, I had my coffee and I was ready to go. First one we stopped by, had a bunch of kids toys. Usually I buy the kids something small just to keep them happy. This one, I picked up a superman and a little toy that is a box. You wind up the box and a clown pops up. Great. Superhero for Ty...pop up box for Ju. Well they fought over that dang pop up toy for the next 45 minutes. I made them share, I threaten to throw it out, I threaten everything and it didn't help. Almost an hour later I was done. We headed home and they continued on fighting about it. They both loved it so much, so now its residing on top of my fridge. Now I know why the people sold it ;)

After we ate a yummy lunch and headed to Playmobil. Playmobil is a toy company based in Germany. Its like lego with little people. Playmobil land is awesome. 50 cents to get it and you can play all day. There is different stations with all their toys. From castles to pirate ships, to farms. Anything you could possibly imagine. Good place.

(Sorry for the crappy pictures. I couldn't get a good picture at all :( )

Oh and don't let their expressions fool you. They had an awesome time and even after 3 hours they didn't want to come home. Why they look miserable on photo I have no clue..lol

Sunday we headed to church. I have a very hard time finding a church I like. We had an amazing one in Ft Bragg. Ever since we left, I haven't been inside a church. I don't like going without dh and I don't believe you need church to have faith.I go when I want to, when I feel like it. Back at Bragg, I went every sunday because I wanted to be there and loved the church. But lately with all the stress going on I figured I need to go to try to kick this funk.

This is a brand new church that I have heard good things about it. It's a presbyterian gorgeous church right by the beach. The service was good, and the kids had a good time. Tyler said he didn't like the Bible study but couldn't tell me why, so he just hung out at the nursery with his sister.
I don't know if I will go back next week or go to a different one. One more thing to add to the list of things I miss. Stability, dh home and a good church.

The rest of the day was just spent chilling. The temps are in the high 90's with over 100' in heat index so we spent at the pool. We have a storm looming that might or might not turn into a hurricane. So we keeping an eye on that.

And ....we are officially in the next month club. I should be jumping for joy right now but I am not. We don't know if we are in the next month club for R&R or for homecoming. Big difference. So that has put a great damper on my mood. I am trying to be positive and have faith but I am struggling. So I spend hours online researching dream homes and decorating ideas.

And cooking. Anytime I am stressed and coming out of a food rut, I will go on a cooking binge. I will cook and bake anything and everything that I can get my hands on. I have fond memories of dh coming home from working walking in the kitchen and eyeing 2 loafs of bread, casseroles, cakes, pies, muffins, and me deep in flour and a whole wreck of a kitchen and just shaking his head and going " Stressed again??"

Sunday i made milkshake for the kids, banana chocolate ice cream (take frozen bananas, scoop of chocolate powder (I use Nesquick because that is what I use) throw it into the food processor and you got a yummy delicious ice cream, pumpkin cheesecake muffins, oatmeal bread, cauliflower mashed potatoes, fruit salad and pasta baked. I also made hummus, sliced and diced avocado, tomatoes and cucumbers for my sandwiches during the week. I was also going to make brownies but I ran out of eggs.

Now I need a trip to the grocery store..lol.

Don't you just love the way I handle stress ;)

Love A

This weekend we managed to acquire more than a tan ....

2011-07-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

This weekend with temps in the triple digits we didn't do much. Saturday we went yard selling. I don't know if you are aware but there is an app for iphones/ipads called "yard sale treasure map". For free you get the address of all your local yard sales. With gas prices the way they are, no more driving around aimless.

I hit way more yard sales in a less period of time than I did before. Genius..pure genius!!

Now I din't go out looking for anything specific. I just wanted to get out of the house and kill some time. I did find a ton of bras. I don't know what is it with this time of year but I am guessing people buy new bras and decide its perfectly acceptable to try to sell their used ones. Newsflash people...ITS NOT. You don't want to throw them out, donate them to the goodwill but under no circumstances put them up for sale.

Anyways I found these beauties..:

They are not my style, I am more of a moderm person, but for $2 each. Yes you read that right..$2 each, I couldn't pass it up. There is a lot of things that for $2 it won't require me to think too long. Well except bras ;). Even 50 cents for those wouldn't make me give a second thought ;)

Anyways, when the lady told me the price, I had to stop myself from jumping up and down, throwing the money and her and peeing on it to make sure no one else grabbed. I politely said I would take them, they loaded them in my car and I left hapilly.

I have big plans for them. Maybe a bubble gum painting and make one reside in Julie't room and a dark blue painting and the other will reside in Tyler's room. Or maybe I will just put them outside or turn around and sell them for 10 times what I paid for. Who cares?? It was $4. I spend more on a trip to Dunkin Donuts.

The rest of the weekend were spent lazily floating around at my parents pool. All in all a good day :)

Love A

Chick-fil-A will miss us tonight.....

2011-07-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

Latetly I have been spending a lot of time at Chick-Fil-A. I am in such a cooking rut, that is caused by absolutely no feed back from another party that doesn't watch NickJR and no one to bounce ideas, I have been either doing very simple dinners or going to chick-fil-A. *Hangs head in shame*

After discovering Pinterest (feel free to add me :)), I have spent countless hours looking at food porn and shinny pretty things and amazing ideas for the house. All those hours didn't go to waste. It got my cooking creative juices flowing and I decided to make 2 things tonight because I couldn't decide.

This was numero 1: mac and cheese muffins
My children love hand food so this is a win win.

and this was 2: Spinach balls

I am not in the mood for pasta.

The only changes I made are I used just fiesta blend shredded cheese and instead of salt and pepper, I used Miss Dash. Oh and I used frozen spinach. Fresh spinach always seems to go bad here, and since Target is having a sale of 81cents for a 16 oz bag of frozen spinach that doesn't go bad, I couldn't pass it up.

(Cooking with spinach is a pain only because 99% of the recipes will require 10oz and most bags comes with 16oz. I always either put too much or too little. Might invest in a kitchen scale just to make it right. Anyone have this problem??)

Growing up watching Popeye, I always felt spinach is the magical veggie. I have since then branched into collard greens, zucchini, and so many others, but in my eyes, by feeding my children spinach, I feel like I am doing a wonderful thing.

Well, to report, it came out amazing. Of course mine wont look as pretty as the picture, and its not supposed to because I am not that skilled in the kitchen and I don't have photoshop ;)

What it lacked in beauty, was definitely made up by taste. The children gobbled it up.

Tomorrow morning, I might even give them the spinach rice balls. I can get away handing them that for breakfast and they will eat it a lot easier than me sitting them down for rice and spinach ;) and that way I will feel a lot better about all those chick-fil-A, trips.

Hooray for going the extra mile in order to redeem ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"WOW" doesn't even begin to cover it...

2011-07-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, you see something, and it has such a big impact on you, it touches you so deeply, you are definitely not the same person before said thing.
On this random tuesday morning, this was mine :

THE BEAUTY OF LOVE LEFT BEHIND

The progression of Friday nights.....

2011-07-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

Friday night when you are 13:

-Sleepover..Oh yeah! Lets crank call people, call our crush and then hang up, stay up all night, giggling and watching 16 candles over and over again.

Friday night when you are 18:

-Coed party. Sneaking beer, making sure there is no cop around, making out with your so cute- totally-perfect-going to- be-together-forever-boyfriend until late hrs of the night.

Friday night when you are 21:

-Praying you are not the DD, hottest club in town, one too many fruity drink, dancing like there is no tomorrow, stumbling into the car with your friends just laughing and having a good old time, trying to decide who you will call tomorrow from all the numbers you collect or praying there is no coyote ugly in the morning if you go home with a guy.

Friday night somewhere in your mid/late 20'

-OMG we finally got this child to go to sleep. Lets cuddle and watch that movie that came out 6 months ago so we can finally be able to talk about it with our friends.

Friday night when you are 30

-The grandparents are taking the kids for the night. OMG OMG what are we going to do with ourself?? I don't know but I love the peace and quiet. Love it. Oh lets go to a club?? No we too old. Lets cuddle and watch a movie then? nah we did that last night. Okay lets have a beer and talk until 3am about the adorable things the kids have done. Sounds awesome ;)

Love A

So deceiving...

2011-07-14T06:04:00.001-07:00

You see this little face? This adorable angelic face??

Well don't let her deceive you. Juju is turning out to be a handful. She was in time out 3 times last night for beating her brother, she will spill everything that she finds including half a bag of sugar I left in the counter today. She will drag her little chair all over the house, climb and get into mischief. Wipes are her favorite thing. You leave a box around, she will pull every single one and be so proud of herself.

She is the type of child that after you get her dressed up, get done fixing her hair and turn around for 2 seconds, she will always find a puddle and jump on it. This child has the ability to find a little puddle of water in the dessert.

and I blame it all on her grandfather.

When she was born, she was the sweetest thing. Came home sleeping through the night, was very cuddly, loved attention, and only had eyes for her brother. Just a sweet little thing.

My dad out of nowhere started saying.."OH this one is going to be trouble".

We all laughed and thought he was insane. Ty is the apple of his eyes, and when Ty was born not sleeping through the night, causing chaos everywhere he went, a mile a minute child, papa didn't say anything about it. How the heck can he say this about Ju?? About this child that is just a little angel and doesn't do anything bad but lay there and cuddle and love everyone??

Well lesson learned. Never underestimate the power of the tongue. Her change didn't start overnight, it has been slowly coming. Now its at full force. She will hit her brother, push around bigger in the playground, and keep me on my toes.

She doesn't like talking. Nope that is not her thing, except of course, when to either call us a Bad girl , baby chacha (her brother one day said the kids that were bad are called baby chacha's. Just hearing it once struck a chord with Ju, and it has become her favorite insult when she is mad), and my favorite "bad papa". Whenever he is teasing her or joking around with her, she will stop, scrunch up her lips and say :"BAD PAPA" while waving her little hand, full of attitude.

While trying very hard to suppress our laughter, we end up correcting her and putting her in time out or telling her to say sorry. And while she runs extremely hot, dont dare cross her, she is the first to hand out apologies, and kisses. She is the first to lay down on the couch right next to you and just cuddle the day away.

When her brother is sick, she will lay there, pat him on the head and repeat over and over "shhhh baby shhhh". Anytime we sit down on the couch, she will sit right next to us, pat her lap and expect us to lay on her lap and boy , you better comply, or she will smack you, call you a baby girl/baby chacha and stomp her little feet away.

Oh yeahh this one is going to be a handful. Thanks dad ;)

Love A

Speechless wednesday

2011-07-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoon as we were saying goodbye:

Mother: ~~My sweet adorable daughter~~ child of mine, pain in the arse, why don't you come over on Wed and bring the kids so we can have dinner together.

Me: Okay that sounds great.

Wed afternoon:

Oh I need to call mom and see what kind of yumminess we are having for dinner.

Me: Hi mommy, how are you?? I was just wondering what we are having for dinner tonight??

Mom: Hi, I am fine. What you mean we?? Your father and I are having shark that his friend gave to him.

Me: SHARK??? That sounds horrible, no offense. I thought it was illegal to catch and cook shark. Who eats shark anyways??

Mom: What is your problem? You always call to criticize. Its not you that is eating.

Me: MOm I am not criticizing. You invited me for dinner today remember?? and besides I was just stating I had no clue anyone eats shark. Don't worry we will do dinner another night, I will just give the kids pizza or something tonight. Enjoy your shark.

Mom: Young lady I am so sick and tired blah blah blah blah, attitude, blah blah blah, you could very well cook but yet I have to cook for you guys after we been working 598 hrs and dealing with blah blah blah blah blah. I am not going to put it up with this anymore, blah blah blah, when you are going to grow up, blah blah blah.

and this is how I have come to the conclusion that my insanity is 99% nurture and 1% nature ;)

Love A

No will power----no problemo

2011-07-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

I have no will power. None. Dh is extremely afraid of me ever meeting Wentworth Miller because he knows I will just go with him and be like "Husband who?? Kids who??"

What I do have is a sweet soul. Most people have a sweet tooth. My whole soul is sweet. My day is not complete without a piece of something yummy. I feel off balance and usually fix that by making out with the ben and jerrys or chocolates of the world.

While dieting, no will power and a sweet soul is a recipe for disaster. You can't eat healthy until 7pm, and then dive into a whole container of Ben and Jerry's (and don't you just love your skinny friends that will say "OMG I cant eat a whole container of B&J's, I will get sick")

Well ladies and gentleman this is why they are skinny and I am not. I can totally eat a whole container if the mood is all out of whack and I just feel like it without getting a tummy ache O.o

I know I know, shameful. So anyways, while dieting I race past the B&J's and Milanos and go on a search for something just as good that will cure that sweet soul because remember, I don't have much will power to just say no. I have enough will power to say no to the really bad and yes to the replacement IF the replacement is pretty good.

Well I have finally found some good replacements. The 5lbs that have come out of my a$$ will prove that.

Maybe you are also looking for something so here it is:

I have never been a fan of rice cakes, but when I saw these for 90 calories a whole packet it intrigued me. Well if I had to describe crack to a fattie, this is how I would describe it. These are to die for, so so good I have to be careful because eating 2-3 bags would kind of miss the whole point of it. But even if I splurge on 2-3 bags, it will still come out to less calories than my beloved Milanos. So therefore its not a huge blow. They dont have after taste and are just yummy. Give them a try. They also come in caramel and mint.

2nd runner up is this ice cream. I have tried pretty much every single low calorie ice cream in the market today and 99% of them tastes like fake cardboard rubbed on skunk. They are nasty with a chemical taste and a horrible aftertaste. Not normal. Well these pretties are not. I am not a huge fan of dark chocolate, but with the raspberry and not the overwhelming taste of dark chocolate works here. I can have one after dinner and be totally happy. Good stuff.

Now for the salty stuff. Every once in a while I will crave something salty. Not a lot of times but I will. Well these next 2 guys works for that.

The rice cake ranch are so good, I haven't grabbed a bag of chips or pretzels in almost a year. I have no desire to. These are better. 17 of these, with a 100 calorie bagel with some lunch meat makes it for a fulfilling lunch.

The special K crackers are very good too. With some hummus I have felt like I died and went to heaven a million times over. I even got my kids hooked on them.

So next time you are struggling with a sweet tooth and will power, give these a try. You wont be sorry :)

Love A

Is there a Dr House around? Please....

2011-07-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

My son is a very very healthy child. My daughter is more prone to colds, but not Tyler. I can count on one hand the time he has been sick and you know when he is sick. He is so hyper always on the go go, that if he is sick he is lethargic, not asking 100's of questions, just laying on the couch and watching tv. He doesn't jump, run or play. Dh and i have joked he is like a toy with its batteries dying when he is sick. You can tell, its like night and day.

Latetly he has this cough. I will put him to bed at 8 by 11pm he will start coughing. It will last about 40-50 minutes and then he will be fine. Most of the time it wont even wake him up. I give him a tablespoon of honey and by the next morning he is absolutely fine. No fever no nothing. He will do this for a night or two, then be fine for 5 nights, then start again. There is really no pattern. Sometimes he will do it for 2 nights and not again until the 7th night, sometimes he will go weeks without coughing.

Lat night, it was 11pm, I was still up watching Criminal Minds reruns and I hear him, he is coming down the stairs and coughing this dry horrible cough. He has never sounded like this before. I am thinking he is stopping breathing. He is coughing coughing coughing after taking a few deep breaths and realizing he is not having an allergic reaction, that his airways is not constricted, I give him something to drink and then he can actually talk. He tells me his throat hurts a bit and that he doesnt like the cough. I give him some honey, something to drink and sit him in the couch to watch him and debate about if I should go to the er or not. The prospect of dragging 2 kids to a south florida er at midnight is depressing. E.R's here are always packed and it takes a long time no matter what. I decide to ride out the night and go see the ped 1st thing in the morning.

I take him to bed with me and he is coughing less frequent but still the same horrible dry sound. He ends up falling asleep and I end up getting only 3 hrs. Not only is his cough waking me up, my son thinks he is an UFC fighter when he is sleeping. Waking up with a bruised rib or leg is not uncommon after sharing a bed with him.

This morning, he is perfectly fine. Running around, jumping around, no fever nothing talking a mile a minute. Great!!!

I decide to take him to the peds anyways because the sound of that cough last night scared me.

I call grab their first appointment of the day and go. I love the pediatrician they see. They have always been extremely nice, recommended me Juliet's ophtamologist, the one that did her surgery, always treat her and him very very good and always asks about dh. Sweet sweet people.

Well he listens to my concerns, listens to his lungs, look into his ears, look into his nose and throat and diagnose me as insane. He didn't really say that, but I know he was thinking it. If I wasn't there last night I would think the same thing.

His tonsils is swollen a bit but there is absolutely nothing wrong with Tyler. Uhhh!! At this point I wished for a tiny second he could projectile vomiting just so I could get some validation and say...look I am not insane. But of course that didn't happen.

I wanted to scream...: Look dragging 2 kids to a pediatrician is not my idea of fun I promise. I am normal but there is something wrong with him, you might not be able to tell but that sound last night is not normal.

The doctor said it might be viral but he is not sure, he prescribed steroids for 3 days and sent me on my way.

I paid our copay and broke down in the car. I am not crazy, this is not normal, something is wrong. I don't think something is major but something is not right. Now I am kicking myself because I should have taken him to the ER last night. Maybe just maybe they would have seen I am not insane.

I am lacking sleep and just feeling like a failure. Talking to my mom she thinks its allergy, my bff thinks its croup and I just had no idea. I am going to keep an eye on everything he eats and go google croup to find out if I need vaporizer, dehumidifier, humidifier for their room.

I hope and pray everything gets better. He is running around, jumping around and being his normal self like last night didn't happen. Maybe with my lack of sleep I imagined it?? I don't know anymore.

I just hope the next 2 1/2 months fly by because I am at a loss for everything...

Love A

Happy birthday my old man ;)

2011-07-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

Today is my husbands birthday. He is now a cool 31 yrs old. He celebrated it in Afghanistan with his buddies by going out to dinner at Friday's. I offered him favors and cupcakes, but he chose to go out with his friends instead of getting on a plane, traveling 8k miles and coming to visit me. Oh well!! but don't judge him by that action, he is a pretty neat guy and I am very glad to call him my slave ;)

IF you read my blog, you noticed I just had a birthday, well interesting tidbit about us, we are both cancers and for 8 days we are the exact same age. Ever since we started dating, we call it our golden week. When he is home, we eat whatever we want, dip for dinner anyone??? , splurge, don't do anything we don't want to, and just really enjoy our special week. I am a major believer in celebrating things because when things are going rough, I am the first one to whine and cry and flip a lid, so therefore if we got a chance to celebrate I am going all out to kind of counterbalance everything else. So yes, I am keeping Hallmark in business for a long time to come and I have been known to also celebrate the Brazilian holidays. One big pro of being an import.

Today I wont be able to celebrate my husbands birthday with him, it saddens me a lot, but don't worry, I sent him a box full of junk. From oreos, to tuna packets, to instant coffee, nothing that is important, but everything that is absolutely necessary for him to have a smile on his face. I also paid an exorbitant amount of money to have a birthday cake shipped to afghan because even though it might taste like crap, hubby will get a huge smile on his face and appreciate it.

So without further ado...

Happy birthday my love. I hope you have an amazing day and that the camels are taking care of you, and don't worry, soon enough you will be back home with a huge to-do list to accomplish, some yummy german chocolate cake coming right out of the oven and lots of kids waiting to pounce on you.

Te amo!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(This is the only pictures I have of him on this computer, but its one of my favorite and says a lot about my boo)

Love A

Patience my a$$

2011-06-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

Tail end of a deployment, still have no clue where we are going. I mean its not like there is much to do, just moving, buying a home, trying to fit in a trip home, enroll kids in school, transfer mail, transfer doctors, blah blah blah. Piece of cake. Who needs time and any sense of anything whatsoever???? NOT ME

I am such a patient person ;)

Maybe I need to frame this and put it somewhere :)

Love A

Over the hill, the world looks different!!!!

2011-06-27T00:20:00.000-07:00

The clock has struck midnight, I am officially 30 years old. After years of worrying, and stressing about it, its finally here. I am here now, what my 20yr old version thought its the crossroad, between fresh-new-hip to ancient-classic-old. :O

I don't feel like an old fart, I don't have any extra wrinkles or white hairs and thank God I didn't magically grow a hairy wart on my nose. I am still the same as I was yesterday, except I have crossed that "over the hill" invisible line. You know the one in which everything moves at warp speed, your back, knee and hips and calcium levels starts to enter your mind. Yeah THAT line!!

You know lots of people set up "30 before 30" lists of things they want to accomplish, kind of like a last hoorrah at trying to cross that line feeling a bit better about where their lives are going.

Considering this birthday has fallen at a tailed of a deployment, unless that list would have included survival without loosing any more sanity or working facial muscles or fork lifting, no way I was going to accomplish anything, and I am okay with that.

See, I am now 30 years old ; I have never owned my own home, I have not traveled nearly enough, I am not a fit size 6, I am not famous, I haven't discovered anything, became a self made millionaire, 401k is about how much I would love to have in my bank account, and I haven't even graduated college for that matter……and now I am going to jump off the nearest bridge.

Where was I going with this again?? Oh yeah, all joking aside, there is a lot of things I don't have or haven't done, but yet I feel extremely blessed and I actually satisfied with everything.

Want me to prove it??

Okay :

I have an amazing husband who has been kicking ass by my side for the past 9 1/2 yrs and counting. My life is so much better because of him, and even though he is 8k miles away, he is just as involved and a reason for my happiness as if he were sitting right next to me.

I have 2 healthy amazing children, who even though drives me insane at all hours, are another gift from God.

I have 2 parents that are still married and in love today as they were 30 years ago. I have learned what love is and how to love from the best example possible. They also drive me nuts, but are so wonderfully amazing, I wouldn't be half the person I am without them. Who would have cooked for me an amazing meal that I love and they don't really care for if they didn't really love me??

I have friends that I consider friends. The good kind that are there for the good and the bad, that will laugh in the good times, and hold you in the bad times without booking.

I have grandparents, cousins, aunts, that even though separated by distance, every time we talk or see each other, is like no time has ever passed. I can call my grandmother anytime to rant and rave and she will listen and cuddle me over the phone.

I have integrity, honesty, and peace of mind. I am healthy, loved and adored. I know the value of a $$$. I have faith.

So, even though it seems like I haven't accomplished much/anything of what society dictates on what you should have by the time you turn 30, I have accomplished even more and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. If by 30 I have all of this, I cant imagine what all I will have by 40, 50 or even 60.

Now instead of dread, I am actually excited to see what comes next, and that is by far the best gift the universe could have given me: Excitement over turning pre historic ;)

Love A

Home Land 101 :

2011-06-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

I didnt become a citizen until I snagged a sweet half blind white boy, married him, gave birth to his children, and became worthy in his mama's eyes. It took me years of planning and finally putting into action that plan. I am a slow planner and it took me 15 years from the time I stepped on US soil to actually become a citizen. But I did it.

No more worrying about Mimi (immigration in case you are not an import). No more checking over your shoulder. I could now vote (although presidential elections has just passed a couple months before), and I could do so much more including getting that shiny blue passport. Oh so pretty. Prettier than the dark green Brazilian one I carried (except that Brazil also switched their passports to blue a couple months after I acquired my new American one, but we wont let bother us). Life was great. Except that really it wasn't.

Becoming a citizen did nothing for me. I didnt feel more American and I didn't feel less Brazilian. I just felt the same. I love both countries because of specific reasons. There are pros and cons to both places.

So without further ado, I am going to share what I love the good and the bad about my home country.

1. Cachaca.

Cachaca is the best alcoholic drink in the world. Its made from sugar cane. Its considered a type of rum. Cacacha is also the base for Caipirinha. One of the best most orgamisc drinks in the world. Its just cachaca, lime and sugar. You are not Brazilian or havent really visited Brazil until you have experienced Caipirinha.
I have drank a lot in my 17 years of legally and illegally drinking and I have never came across a better drink.

2. Brazilian food.

OMG get ready to wet your pants. American food doesn't even compare and what is American food anyways?? Mac and cheese, hot dogs and fried chicken?? Sorry that is an easy win for us. We love our food, are completely foodies and there is a reason for that. Food solves everything for us. I remember my last trip home...I wasnt feeling good my grandmother told me I needed to eat. Never mind I was 5 months pregnant and absolutely nauseous. A nice big plate of food was the answer.

My husband indulged too much on Caipirinha and this hot milk dessert we have. The most assinine combination ever, but a white boy in Brazil doesn't have much self control and common sense. Anyways, he was huffing and puffing and praying to the gods inside the porcelain bowl and my grandmother knocked on the door with a plate of fresh black beans. Because everyone knows there is nothing better on the tummy than a plate of black beans full of pork.

Happy, sad, stressed or feeling joyfull, food is the center of our lives. Most people eat to live, we live to eat.

Its funny looking back now that when we firt moved here we were invited to a bar b q. We were all excited. Brazilian bbq is sirloin meat rubbed with some sea salt and thrown on the grill, drumsticks and thighs seasoned with a mix of garlic and olive oil and spices, and chicken hearts. Our mouth were watering.

We get to our friends house (who are American) and they served hot dogs and burgers. Talk about a disappointment. Days later, my father invited them to a bbq at our house Brazilian style. You could see the drool pooling around their chins. They laughed and said never again they were inviting us to a bbq but that they expected an invitation from us every weekend.

3. The closeness of neighbors. I have been here 16 plus years and I have never and will never get use how people are so reserved and how people live next to their neighbors and dont know them. I truly miss knowing our neighbors and everyone in the street. I grew up playing soccer in the middle of a dirt road while the parents chatted. Someone saw you doing something wrong?? They had every right to pull your ear, give you a pinch and then tell your parents so you could get your other ear pulled and your other arm pinched by your parents. I truly believe its takes a village to raise children and if I ever decide to pack up and go back home to raise my kids, that will be the number reason why I have done it.

4. Ipanema and just the beaches in the general.

Brazilian beaches are a sight to see. Absolutely gorgeous, crystal clear water, and just lots of half naked people around. Whats not to love.

Now for the things I dont love.

I dont love Favelas. Favelas is little run down shacks built by the extreme poor through out the mountains of our beautiful country. Its filled with crime and corruption surrounding the cities. The police goes up the mountains rounds people up, conflicts happen, many lives are lost by lost bullets, and then the next day everything is normal like nothing happened.

That brings me to my number 2 most hateful thing about my home land. The corruption and inflation. The country is absolutely gorgeous, almost completely self sufficient, filled with natural beauty, it could easily be a number 1 country, and yet the corruption is running amok. You can buy off a police officer, senator and president with a little more than a candy bar. You get stopped by a cop for a traffic violation?? Just throw him a couple of bucks and you are on your merry way. It disgusts me when Americans complain about their judicial system. Your system is not broken. Slap your mouths the next time you say that. Yes there are mistakes, its not perfect, none is, but your system is not broken, the one in Brazil is an example of a broken system.

Also the inflation. Here you want that brand new ipad. You can save your money and a couple months later it will cost the same or even less. In Brazil a couple months later it will cost 4 times more. The inflation is killer.

The rudeness of people and the self centered mentality. Its only considered a 3rd world country because we have done that to it. Here people wont throw a cup on the floor. I dont know if its because of manners or because of fines. I think it has to do with manners. A lot of brazilians are not that. They have this mentality of the world revolves around me, bow down to me, I want the most for the less amount of work and I am going to get that, one way or another.

That is why the crime is high (you think I wear my nikes, coach , wedding rings, necklace, or even my earrings when I go home?? You are insane). I have had many cousins getting robbed at the bus stop for a crappy pair of sneakers.

So that is it for now. I hope you now have a better understanding of Brazil and that what I said wont ever deter you from visiting. Do, you will enjoy yourself, just make sure while you are eating that succulent steak, someone could confuse you for a homeless person and you will be good to go :)

Love A

Paranoia sucks...

2011-06-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

I sleep horribly while dh is gone. Every noise, wind rustling leaves, is definitely a sign the boogeyman is coming to get us and therefore I need to sit there staring at the ceiling plotting an escape plan.

Most of the time I go upstairs at around 10pm, brush my teeth, and lay down in bed. I wait for the hubby to call (he usually calls as he is getting into work. Afghanistan is 8:30 hrs ahead of Fl) by reading or messing with my phone. After dh calls, I put my kindle down, turn off my phone, go check on the kids, and get ready for bed.

It's extremely bright in my room because I leave the bathroom or the closet light on and the hallway light on, because everyone knows boogeyman's are afraid of the light. I lay down, adjust all 6 pillows, and get ready to enter dreamland. I wait and wait and wait. Nothing is happening. Then I start worrying : did I lock the door??....did I pay the cable bill??...what is that noise??...I am cold...I am hot...I am thirty....Are the children okay?? (Even though they been sleeping for about 2hrs and I just checked on them something could have totally happened and I would have failed in the number 1 only job I have..To keep the children alive, happy and healthy while my husband is 8k miles away).

Of course after the worry about the kids enters my mind, there is no way I can push it aside. Everything I can push it aside, but not when I worry about the kids. So I get up, yawn for the 10th time, and go check on the kids. Everyone is snoring peacefully and quiet. Since I am already up, I decide to go downstairs and check the doors and drink some water. I do all that and even make a quick stop to make sure the stove is off and so is the crock pot and so is the sink because everyone knows a sink dripping could be fatal in the middle of the night.

The cable bill I decide its not a big deal and file on my to do list tomorrow. As I am climbing up the stair, I check on the smoke alarm because after reading about so many carbon monoxide deaths, I am extra paranoid. The fact that I checked on it 2 days ago doesn't enter my conscience.

One more pit stop to check on the kids because in the last 5 minutes something major could have happened. For a split second I don't hear Juliet snoring, my stomach drops. I rush inside her room stubbing my toe in her crib, holding my hand over her chest and after a couple of seconds of deep breaths from both of us and reassurement that she is still breathing, I slowly tiptoe out of their room. By this time the pain in my toe has reached by brain.

Now I am mad. I stomp back to my room, giving myself a scolding for falling prey to paranoia again, and lay down in bed to finally sleep,I adjust my pillows, but at this point I am so worked up I cant sleep, I cant read either, so I am going to spend this time killing some pigs. I play for what seems like 5 minutes, just enough to calm me down, and finally try to sleep again.

I glance at the clock and its 1am. Oh fuck!!! Now I am only getting 6:30 hrs of sleep if I fall asleep right now, which most likely that wont happen. I put my phone on charge, roll over and decide this time I am going to sleep.

1 sheep jumped over the fence, 2 sheep jumped over the fence....75 sheep jumped over the fence....*OH crap now I got to pee shouldn't have drank that glass of water...90 sheep jumped over the fence.....*Fuck this I am not going to pee. I am going to sleep....*125 sheep jumped over the fence...wait did I miss a sheep?? No I didn't dont worry its okay......*OKay I cant hold anymore...fuck the sheep and fuck the water...I need to go pee.

Back to bed, the last readjustment of the pillows, one last look at the alarm clock to inform me its now 2:30 am. I groan and feel at the point of tears. My children *knock on wood* ,asides from being sick or climbing on my bed somewhere around 5 am and sticking their bony little elbows on my back are great sleepers. They will sleep through the night and not bug me, why cant my conscious do the same thing??

After another half hr of self pity, I fall asleep.

Or at least I think I did because the alarm is going off and its telling me its 7:30 am. Didn't I just wallow in self pity two seconds ago?? How can 5 hrs have possibly passed?? I don't feel rested. I hate being a heavy sleeper.

Oh well. About my day I go, with many pit stops at the coffee machine. By 4pm I am so awake and wired and have peed the 8 cups of coffee I have drank so far.

By 10pm, as I lay down in bed to go to sleep, I have a better chance of understanding the laws of gravity than I do of sleep and the cycle continues on and on and on.

I use to be a great sleeper, I use to be able to sleep through everything without a care in the world. Now I can still do that, except I cant fall asleep. No matter what. Gruesome scenes that would make the latest horror flick seem weak plays through my head. I take this whole " keep the children alive happy and healthy" to the extreme even more during the night.

3 more months and I can go back to snoring and actually getting some good sleep, until then don't laugh at these cold cucumbers as my pathetic attempt to erase some of these dark circles around my eyes or the fact that last night I spent 3 hours scrubbing my kitchen floor ;)

Love A

Happy father's day....

2011-06-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Sometime in the late 80's there was a baby boy born. His parent loved him a lot, but it wasnt the right time for them to have a child. They accepted the blessing this child was and held on trying to make the best of it. Not too much later, their relationship fell apart. The mother now pregnant with the 2nd child, packed her up her little boy and went to live in another state closer to family.

The little boy continued on growing while the mother battled her own demons. The next couple of years brought a lot of pain, hurt, and situations that left deep scars on that boys heart. Many tears were shed. Mommy was gone, daddy had been long gone, grandmother did the best she could. Just got to believe it wasnt their intention to hurt such a precious little child.

Mother finished battling her demons, and came back. They packed up and moved to FL with a brand new daddy. Now the broken family had finally become a family of 4. That little boy learned to love this man that his mother loved, and he became someone this little boy could look up to. This man wasnt perfect, but who is?? This was good enough and way better than nothing.

The little boy, grew and grew and grew. He shed many skins that represented years of hurt and pain, and he only kept the colors that he liked, anything else that was tainted was shed. He learned the immense power it takes to forgive and now his ol daddy, got welcomed back in his life.

This little boy, now a man, found a woman to love, and love her, he did, so tender and so well he ended up saving her life.

He was so kind to so many friends and touched so many of their lives, he has no idea how. He is extremely modest and doesn't realize the burst of happiness and sunshine he leaves everywhere he goes.

Towards the end of 2006, he became a father. His first father's day, he wasnt around for his son, he was fighting a greater cause. But dont worry, by the time he got home, he took it up to fatherhood like a pro.

Again in early 2009 he became a father, to a little girl this time. Oh how he loved her. So many times he mentioned to me how he felt his heart was going to burst at the seams with so much love.

This little boy with no father, then a stand in father, has grown up to be one of the best father's around. How he has accomplished something with no example or training leaves me in awe, day after day.

He is truly an amazing man who has done extraordinary with very little.

We love him, I am lucky to call him husband and my children are blessed beyond their imagination to call him dad.

We love you boo. So so much. Thank you doesnt even begin to cover it!!!!

Love A

"I dont have to do anything??? Sign me up...:)

2011-06-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

Weekends are my worst. I have mentioned it many times.

This weekend is a short one. Tomorrow is father's day. We will spend the whole day at the grandparents, one less day for me to come up with something to do with these kids. Always a plus.

So yesterday night, I sat on the computer for my friday night ritual, of a glass of vodka cranberry (the beginning of the deployment was wine. I have upgraded ;) ) , a paper view movie, and my computer on searching for things to do with kids in the area. I have already done museums, splash pads, inflatable lands, the beach, the pool, and if I see another zoo again I might just upgrade to a glass of gasoline.

Since the forecast showed a high of 98 I decided it either had to be water or indoor. I didnt want to do another water play, I just want to check in a spa and get a massage, hot stones, acupuncture, hair cut, or any other form of pampering, but the kids wont agree to that so I am left scrambling to look for another kid friendly place. After lots of searching I found a indoor playground about 30 minutes north of us. To find this place I had to be creative in my search. Just searching indoor playground didnt yeld anything. Searching for playgrounds alone did the trick. Go figure!

Anyways, we left the house bright and early, did all of our errands in record time and with everyone on their best behaviors, just the thought of going to a indoor playground and not getting to play at all makes everyone act like angels.

We got there, ate and let them loose. What a great find this place is. Its called A Latte fun. They have a kick arse cafe with pretty expensive but healthy food, a delicious raspberry iced latte that I indulged in twice, and a huge indoor play area. Everything from a bouncy thing on the floor just like a trampolin, a huge slide that empties into a ball pit, a big section with all kids of ride on toys, puzzles, kitchens, books, dress up area full of costumes, and everything in between. There is every single kind of toy to make a child happy.
For $15 cover fee and some socks, you get to plop down your plump ass into one of the comfy couches that lines the wall and let the children loose. There are so many employees running around making sure every child is happy and have someone to play with that they dont even remember who mommy is.

I sipped on my latte, read almost 60% of my book and had a grand old time. There was a point in which Ju was getting tired and climbed on my lap, this girl that works there, came over talked to her and invited her to play barbies. I have never seen my baby scramble out of my lap so fast. It bought me another hour of bliss.

By the time Ju came back and was getting cranky, it was time to leave, I looked up at the clock and it was 4pm.

Holly crap. We have been here for 4:30 hrs. No wonder she is cranky. Her nap is at 1 or 2pm...lol. The peace and quiet and moments of bliss went too fast, but it was so worth it.

In case you are ever looking for me from now until Sept, if its a saturday, check out A Latte fun. That is where I will be :)

Love A

Not every keepsake is a keeper!!

2011-06-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

My mother keeps everything.

Thank you God I didnt get that trait from her. The only thing I keep is pictures. Anything else I could care less.

Well on my 18th birthday, she tried to hand me a box with my baby teeth, belly button and a piece of my hair. As a young 18 yr old brand new mom, carefully wrapping this stuff in tissue papers, I bet her visions must have been completely different from the way it turned out. She probably thought on my birthday she was going to hand me this keepsake, I was going to Ohh!! and Ahh!!! and we were going to share a moment.

Since I defy normal from the beginning, she handed me the box, not knowing what was inside, I was excited. Oh presents!!!

The next couple seconds were fuzzy, I remember her smile, I remember my smile dropping, dropping the box and just screaming. There was no way to even try to hide it, I was blindsided and hit by shock. What could possibly possess her to save my teeth and give them to me?? That was the absolute last thing I ever wanted in life.

Why couldnt she give me all my baby pictures and family pictures?? No she had to hand me teeth, belly button and a piece of my first hair cut.

What transpired after was a couple of accusations, some more words changing and another dirt pot at the back of the cabinet.

I kept asking for the pictures year after year and she never gave it to me and wasnt going to give me anything else anymore.

Well finally during my 28th Christmas, she kept telling me my present was special, not remembering what the heck I asked for or even if I had wanted anything, I was curious.

She handed me this big box. Inside were a folder full of my school work. While I appreciated it, I could care less to have seen a police car I drew when I was 4. Dont get me wrong, the thought was nice, but I am not that sentimental. I am on some things but not that.
But since it wasn't teeth, hair or gross body parts, I was able to see the gift for what it was, a sweet gesture and I graciously thanked her. I told her it was a very nice thing.

I guess I passed one of her hidden tests, because she hurried it back into the room with a skip in her step and handed me another box. Not expecting anything else I carefully opened. What could this be?? One of my stitches from when I cut my knee at 5 yrs old?? One of the various xrays from when I broke my arm?? Or even worse a piece of my ear that I ripped it out when I was 3?? She was too excited, and instead of her excitement filling me with excitement it filled me with dread.

I stalled, took a couple of seconds, and mentally prepared myself not to scream. I had no desire to act how I did when I was 18 and have another argument or fight. I wanted to enjoy this gift and the rest of our Christmas. Even if it was a piece of my ear. Well okay, if it was a piece of my ear, I could scream and freak out. Anything else, I would suck it up and act graciously.

Thank God it wasnt none of the above. It was my baby book and my pictures, and family pictures from when I was younger. The gift I have been asking for a good 25 years.

You see, there is not a lot of pictures from when I was younger, side effect of having very poor parents and growing up on a 3rd world country. These pictures were very few and rare. I had offered many times to borrow them so I could scan them and keep the copies. She never budged. She held on to them under lock and key.

Finally she gave them to me, and what did I do?? I acted like any mature 28 yr old and freaked out. Why was she handing them to me now when she said I would only get them when she died?? Was she dying?? Did she have a diagnose that she wasnt sharing??

After berating her with questions, and she reassuring me for the last time that no she wasnt dying, that she actually felt fine, and the only reason she was giving them to me, was because she felt it was the right time, and wanted to be able to give it to me, and so forth.

I enjoyed and appreciate it the gift. I looked through every picture and reminisced about my past.

That is to today one of my most prized possessions. I love looking at those pictures, and everything she wrote on my baby book. It brings me back, and I have never felt more loved, reading that baby book, in which my parents wrote in 28 yrs ago. Their fears, dreams and hopes for their baby. I am getting misty eye just writing this.

Anyways, the school papers, I didnt keep. I told her while it was sweet I had no desire to keep, she didnt want them back, and I decided to throw them out. The pictures and baby books I have in a very very special place.

I thought we had come full circle. Oh no!!! When my son and daughter was born, she berated me to keep their belly button, I didn't. I gave it to her and I have no clue if she kept, I also didnt keep their first lock of hair. That to me is creepy with a capital C.

The other day we were talking about how ds is getting older, will be starting to loose his teeth and she mentioned it again that she just cant comprehend why would I not want to save something so special??
We are on such different sides of this issues, its like we live in completely different realms. I am never going to understand her desire to keep it and she is never going to understand my aversion to it.

So I did what any peace keeper would do, I promised her I would give it to her, instead of throwing it in the nearest trash. She actually smiled, graciously accepted and very sweetly said.."One day the kids will thank God they have a sentimental grandmother and they will love receiving this"...

I took a sip of my drink and thought for the millionth time.."I definitely came from an egg "

Love A

Present fun..

2011-06-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

I pride myself in giving good thoughtful presents. No I dont have loads of money and I am not lavishing all my friends with exotic vacations and gift cards for one night stands with Calvin Klein models, even though deep down that is what they want.

I am just very observant and if you spend any amount of time with anyone, you get to know that person, and subtly they give you clues on what they want or need. Even though I love receiving gifts, the smile a person gets when they open a good gift is priceless.

That is one of the reasons I don't like gift cards. Unless specifically requested for a reason (like amazon ones, so I could trim down the 192 books on my wish list), gift cards seems like the person forgot about it, and at the last minute grabbed something.

Well my parents have decided to stress me to a maximum. I listen to them and know what they like and yet I cant come up with a good gift for them. They don't really have any hobbies except watching movies, going out to dinner, grilling, kitchen gadgets, wine and cheese and now the harley.
He has everything he could possibly want to have a better movie experience at home than at the theater, since he is a really good cook there is very few restaurants he likes and will enjoy without winning and complaining about the food. If he gets one more grilling set, he will spork someone. If they get one more kitchen gadget, they will have to start cooking in the living room. All that is left is wine and cheese and harley. Sad to say the last gift they got was a wine and cheese basket :(

My father has hit a midlife crisis at 51, and went out and purchased a used harley, and then sold that one and bought a brand new one. With it he got the boots to go with it, the jacket, the shirts, the nice cool helmets, and even borrowed my sewing machine to sew on a nice harley patch on the back of his leather jacket. This new hobby is time consuming. Before they use to keep the kids the whole weekend, now they take them on friday night and give them back Sunday afternoon because late sunday they have to go for a ride. They have taken trips to Key West, Port charlotte, St Augustine and are even planning a cross country one to go see the Grand Canyon.
Even though, I am extremely afraid of motorcycles (I lost a cousin in a bike accident when I was younger) and there is a clause in my marriage that states dh is not allowed to get a motorcycle ever. Even though he was well aware on when he signed it, its been a clause he has been fighting for 10 years on it. I still haven't broken ;) While, I am deathly afraid and have prayed more for their safety in the past couple months than I did all their lives, I am very happy my dad got one and my mom loves riding it. They just look so cute in their harley gear.

But anyways, back to the present giving. Every holiday or birthday has become a nightmare. I have absolutely no clue what to give my parents. Their harley hobby is too expensive....uhh $75 for one harley shirt?? Are you kidding me??

I have searched high and low on what to get them and have listened to them and racked my brain. They have absolutely everything they could possibly want and what they don't have, I cant get it for them without a small loan.

I have resorted to asking them what they want, and like every parents they say the norm.."Don't spend money on me I don't need anything save your money". Well that is no fun. You are taking away my joy of buying a thoughtful present.

So back to the drawing board we go, me racking my brain and coming up empty.

I personally think I should start buying off the wall gifts, so maybe next holiday, they will tell me. Reverse psychology kind of deal.

I know buying my dad a massage will take care of that. Even though he could really use one since he has back issues, my dad is very old school and going to a massage is right up there with getting your nails ripped off. No fun at all. There is no way he will let anyone rub him down. If I add some mud or oil to the package, oh man. He will try grounding me until next week.

And for my mom, conservative one that she is , a nice pretty see through lingerie with some hooker heels, will freak her out and make her blush until next week.

Unless I come up with a very very good idea soon, I really think I am going to have to resort to giving them a gift card, or even worse another wine/cheese basket. How sad is that??

At least I can count on my husband to give me the high I get from giving a good present. He just received his box for father's day, and in it was a hand held portable ac. How awesome am I?? The perfect gift for someone that is sitting inside a office in 109 degree temps with a crappy ac that keeps shutting off when its about 92 degrees inside. I couldn't see his face, but the excitement in his voice, was all I needed to know I hit jackpot with that one.

Are your family members hard to shop for??

Love A

AHA!!!!!

2011-06-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

I just finished a book called "The Shack". Its a must read for everyone. It's a fictional story, but pretty much this guys daughter gets kidnapped, he gets a note from God to go meet HIM at this place. He ends up meeting God, Jesus & The holy spirit and they have a wonderful conversation about a lot of things, including relationships, reason for pain, forgiveness. Its not a normal religious book per say, Uh hello...God is a big black old woman.

Anyways, this book has touched me in many ways. The way the author writes, the way the answers are explained, just a very touching book that I will read it again for sure.

There is a quote in there that goes like this :
"Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you."
— William P. Young (The Shack)

That has resonated to me on such a deep level. I have never loved my husband the same way I have loved my children, and the love I have for each child is completely different.

The love I have for my husband, while it started from a friendship, now its a completely different kind of love, its based on understanding, respect, memories of what we have gone through, he is like my knight in shinning armor that has slayed many of my dragons.

Before my son was born, I worried about the logistics of things. What if our personality clashed was a big worry in my mind. What if I have to love this child but I dont even like his personality??
The fact that I threw up from the moment sperm met egg, until the time he took his first breath and a little after and the fact that I had dreams of little bows and pink dresses and not once did I think in my life I was going to have a son, didn't helped the situation at all. What helped his case is that a child was very much wanted. We prayed and hoped for years. He fulfilled our dreams in so many ways.

Well motherhood is a magical thing. My mother loves to tell the story that as soon as the doctor pulled Tyler out, I started crying and screaming that "I really like him, I love him...I want to keep him, please let me keep him, pretty please, we will get along, I promise". My drug induced sobbing fest caused the whole operating room, lots and lots of laughter.

Although I did love him almost instantaneously, we clashed a lot. As a night owl, I have just done given birth to a morning little person that didnt think sleep was important. Our first year was difficult and the fact he didnt sleep through the night until about 6 months old helped strain our relationship. Also he wasnt much for kisses and cuddling. He was curious and wanted to see the world.
But it was just us, hubby was deployed, and here I had this little guy that I never expected and someone insane enough thought I had abilities to raise into a fine member of society. He loved me unconditionally and always reached for my hand and gave me the biggest smile around even when I screwed up and made mistakes and caused him pain.
As he grew, we bumped heads even more, but the instant love I had for him started to grow into something so much deeper. It wasnt just "I love you, you are my child, I have to love you". By becoming his mom and doing things for him that I had to, I shed layers and layers of my former self. I became a completely different person and have made many more changes in my life because of the responsibility I had for him. My heart open and flourished in ways I never once thought possible.

Before dd was born I had the same fears about not having enough love to love another child. But she fulfilled my dreams of bows and dresses. She came home sleeping through the night and was just a joy to be around. Also from a very young age, she is extremely cuddly and affectionate. She is always touching us, hugging us and kissing us. While he brother rather be running around the house, she rather sit in the couch and pet us. She cant walk by anyone without touching or rubbing them. She showers everyone with love and affection. So easy to love and while sometimes is hard, there is no such thing as personal space with her, on a hard day its very welcoming. Also I made less mistakes with her, Tyler took the brunt of my learning, while her, I already had a sense of what worked and what didn't, and I was more calm. I had a 2 1/2 year old in front of me as a proof that I could do this and not royally screw up.

I have issue, every single one of my child's birthday, the first thought in my head when i wake up is a celebration of "OMG I have done this. They are another year older and pretty normal and sane and alive. I can maybe do this for 18 years". Its such a high I get from that.....yeahh therapy is needed I know, I know ;)

I always felt bad and worried I loved my kids, my husband and my parents completely different from one another. I always under the impression, love had to be the same. If you loved someone you should have the same feelings and butterflies that comes with it. I tried to wrap it into little packages. I have felt bad many nights, and worried even more that I loved my kids completely different. While I love them both with all my heart, the love I feel for each one is different and burns different for different reasons.
Another preconceived notion I had, was that I had to treat everyone equally. Well, after reading that quote, something rippled inside myself and I felt like a light was finally shinning in the darkness.
I dont have to love everyone equally, the love you feel for one person is completely different than the love you feel for another because of their uniqueness and what they draw out of you. Seriously I feel like I was blind before, tracking along and finally someone turned the light on. I don't need to feel bad anymore, I don't need to try to wrap the love I feel for everyone into the same kind of box. I can just enjoy the love I feel for them without trying to make into something that it isn't.

Oprah use to love and talk alot about big AHA! moments, and I just had a big one in a very long time, and it feels good.

How ironic to think it came from a book that sat on my shelf gathering dust for months...lol

Love A

9 month dread....

2011-06-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

You ask any woman who survived a deployment, and chances are she will tell the 9th month was the worst.

I dont know why, but that is the truth.

All I remember from the 9th month of our last deployment, is a lot of crying, cussing, screaming, pouting and pouting some more.

I am about to enter the 9th month of this deployment, and I have a feeling it wont be any different than the first time around.

It makes no sense, you have survived 9 months, there is only 3 to go. 3 months seems like a piece of cake in theory. You hit double digits while on month 9. Seeing the numbers dwindle from 100days to 99 days left is magical, yet none of that matters.

By the 9th month, you are done. You patience is shot, you dont want to be strong anymore, you just want to sit down and cry and sob. Every happy couple enjoying a saturdays beautiful sunshine is met with your death glare.
You dont want to be like that, you want to be happy, you want to to enjoy and soak every moment. You want to be thankfull you have a husband who loves you. You want to appreciate the little things that comes with a husband gone. Less laundry, a full bed to yourself, unlimited time of trashy reality shows without any sights of the latest games around.

Yet by the 9th month, you would gladly give up that big spacious bed for your tiny small spot, with huge hairy leg on top of you heating you up, you would sit thru hrs and hrs of the stupid Steelers game, you will welcome the profanity that ensues when the Steelers is loosing, you would do loads and loads of more laundry, just so you can feel complete again. Just so you can have someone to give you a hand when all you need is 2 more seconds, someone to be bad cop and discipline the children. Just someone you can have a good adult conversation with.

At the end of 9 months, a pregnant woman brings home her cute little bundle of joy, at the end of 9 months, all a woman with a deployed husband gets is the notion she still has 2 more months left to go.

The concept of time is so strange and odd to me. 1 hr is and has always been 60 minutes. Yet 1 hrs of children whining seems like 10 hrs. 1 hr of children laughing seems like 5 minutes.
The 3 months we have left seems so much longer than the 9 we have already survived. The next 3 months seems like an eternity compared to anything.

I would love to say that this year I will do things different, I will enter number 9 with a big smile on my face, I will gather strength and shine instead of just surviving. I would love to break the cycle, yet I doubt I will.

I just don't have it in me anymore. I am on autopilot. Wake up, feed the children, do this do that, survive another minute, one foot in front of the other seems to be my mantra and I am sick and tired of it.

I want the next 3 1/2 months to rush on by. I just want to get to the finish line and go back to living life.

ps...Sorry for all the whining and the depressing thoughts, but this is one last attempt to get it out of me and out there in the world so maybe, just maybe I will feel lighter and try to find joy in the fact we have survived 8 1/2 months and there is little left to go. I dont know if it will work, but hope is eternal right??

LOVE A

Out of debt.....

2011-06-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

so we can go right back to it....OH the irony!!!!!!!!!!!!

We started off young with great intentions, we got credit cards, bought simple little things, and every month that we wrote the check for the full amount, we felt so mature and responsible. We did that for years, then life started to get in the way, one month the car broke down and wiped our savings, than someone needed a trip to the doctors with no insurance at the time and instead of paying off the full balance, we paid the minimum, felt like that crap and defeated, next month would be better. Well it wasn't. One thing led to another, a messed up paycheck from the military, a sudden plane ticket to another state because of the death of a family member, another credit card to keep us floating, and we became the horror stories that we heard.

We were just another statistic. Young couple with no money and too much debt. We would pay it off then charge again, pay it off, then charge again. And whats really sad its not like we were out buying big screen tvs, or the latest prada purse. All of our charges were groceries, or gas, or cigs, day trips with the kids. Basic stuff, but nonetheless stuff. Everything came crashing down when dh got out of the army. We just couldn't handle our debt and everything went to collection. We hit rock bottom. So many fights, so many sleepless nights, so much stress. There is absolutely nothing I know of that can strain/break a marriage faster than debt. Just like weight, its just a number, it doesn't dictate what kind of person you are or even if you are going to enter in heaven or not. Yet debt is an all time consuming thing. It seeps into your life, robs all kinds of enjoyment, just like a cancer.

Well after the hubby got this job, we paid off every single thing in our credit report. Since all the accounts were already closed, there were really nothing we could do, except pay it off and put little notes in our credit report.
After I wrote the last check to the last debt we had, I called dh crying tears of happiness. We had finally done. All our sacrifices had paid off. We had no more debt. None. Nada. Zilch. I could scream from the rooftops.

Our savings started to grow and life has been so much better. Because it only happened about 6 months ago, the wounds are still fresh and I still remember everything like yesterday.

Today while talking about houses, and house prices and what we could afford when he gets home in Sept, I mentioned to him I dont want to buy anything we cant afford and if he is willing, I would so go for the 320 sqft new little homes, pay it off and have no mortgage either. Dh mentioned to me that with 2 kids and 2 adults in a 320 sq footage home, while it seems amazing in theory, in practice, it wont work. And he is right, so I pulled up our credit report. I was expecting high numbers to be dancing in front of me, also some rainbows and butterflies, hey I wanted validation.
I didnt get rainbows, butterflies, or high numbers. I got hit with numbers only 10 points higher than 7 months ago when we were in the middle of our whole mess and everything being sent to collection. WTF???

Everything has been paid off, it has been only 6 months and all we go was 10 points?? So after doing some more reading, I found out the culprit. While there is nothing bad showing anymore, there is nothing good either. The car was purchased cash, the credit cards were paid off, there is nothing proving people we can handle debt and therefore our only option to raise our score quickly so we can buy a home is get another credit card.

I have known this information for about 2 weeks and every time I try to apply for one, I get cold sweated and back off. The wounds are still healing from all the hell we went through with debt. I can still hear although faint, but still hear nonetheless our stupid fights about it. Why oh why do we have to tempt this again?? I feel like a recently clean junkie, walking inside a junkie store (not that I would know that feeling, but I have read enough depressing shit to understand it).

Our starting position is completely different, we now have savings, are not living paycheck to paycheck, but still you cant predict lives twists and turns, and while I know I wont take that shiny credit card and hit the nearest coach store, I don't know if tomorrow the car will break down, so will something else, and something else entirely different that I never thought possible will happen, that will make us drain our savings and start relying on cc's again. Life's curves, are the stuff you never can think or prepare for. How do I overcome my fear, and do it quickly?? Because suddenly, 4 months that will take for him to be home and for us to hopefully start house shopping, doesnt seem enough time. How do I know we wont end up right back in the hole that we just crawled out of it so recently?? I dont know and that scares me so much :(

A

Happy Memorial Day!!!!

2011-05-29T10:19:00.001-07:00

Today I wont go to a cemetery, I wont laid down flowers on the many tombs and I wont shed any tears.
I wont do none of that because I know that our fallen are not there. Their bodies might be, but their souls are up there watching us. They died for our freedom and to protect our happiness.

So, today I will go to a bbq at the beach with some friends, I will enjoy sunshine, good food and the companion of many because to me that is the only way to honor the fallen. Not by being sad, but by enjoying life and freedom to the fullest. The only way to honor the dead is to live.
They fought hard and paid the ultimate sacrifice so I can have all kinds of freedom. Therefore the only thing I can do, is accept that wonderful gift and enjoy it to the fullest. I will make them happy by showing them I am happy. I will enjoy my day of all good things, not only for me but for them too. I am sure that will make all them up there rejoice.

Thank you guys, because of your sacrifice I can live my life to the fullest, I will do that today even more than any other day and I will drink a cold one just for you ;)

So everyone, Have a wonderful, happy memorial day weekend, not just for yourself but for the many that made it possible :)

Love A

New color...maybe????

2011-05-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

I am 29, 30 is right around the corner and I have never dyed my hair before. I have highlighted, dyed with Kool-Aid but never really dyed my hair like a grown up. I am in desperate need of a change considering I look the same since hs.

No more, I packed up Ju and to Walgreens we went. I looked at hundreds of colors and most of them were permanent. With fears of not liking it and considering this was my first time ever doing it, I decided to go with something that goes away in 28 washes.

My options were considerably less, but no way I was going to get out of there without a color. If I was going to do this it had to be done then and there or I would chicken out. So since my choices were blonde, black, or red-ish brown, I decided to go with red-ish brown.

After the kids were in bed, I sat on my vanity. I have a huge vanity but only one sink, how stupid is that?? Anyways, I took my clothes off and threw them on the floor, read the directions 5 times before starting, put on the gloves and went to work.

Lets just say there is spots all over my floor, mirror, toilet, sink, and my clothes that were on the floor are actually now soaking. Graceful I am not. Asides from that and the huge dark mark I have on my wrist, it was a success. Except it wasn't.

I still have all my hair, it doesnt smell funny or feel like straw, but I don't really notice the difference. Dont get me wrong there is a tint to it, but so not what I was expecting. Oh well it comes out in 28 washes and in 3 months I can do it again. I am thinking black next time. If you got to do something, do it major... :)

So even though I didnt get the results I wanted, I am extremely happy I did something I have never done before. That alone was worth the money and mess.

Love A

$200k ?? Nahh you can keep it...

2011-05-15T19:24:00.000-07:00

This is how the conversation went...

Hubby: Babe I got offered a new contract..

Me: Okay...that is awesome. Tell me east coast..

Hubby: Not really

Me: well I am open minded I can deal with a lot of places..

Hubby: its in Pakistan

Me: No...hell no!!!

Hubby: but babe..

Me: hell no...don't even think about it..

Hubby: but babe is 200k for the year..

Me: Hell .....say what?? as in almost quarter of a million dollars?? uhhh...uhhh...

And that ladies and gentleman is how I became the first person I know to turn down 200k!!!

One thing you don't ask a woman with a deployed husband is if she is willing to have him gone longer than expected. Heck even a day late homecoming can be the end of the world.
If he had been home for 7 yrs driving me insane, I would have probably jumped at the opportunity but the fact he is deployed and I am missing him so much I cant say yes to. Also the major consideration is , its dangerous. No military base, nothing. He would be on his own. Not worth it at all, not to mention, even though I like to believe our marriage is strong, 2 years apart can really take a toll and I am not willing to risk it, even for that much. And that is not even counting what it would do to the kids.

Its just crazy how life twists and turns, last year in the middle of all our debt, I was willing to sell a kidney for 40k and a pinky for considerably less, yet now a year later, since we are out of debt completely (Gosh I cant get over how good that feels), we are turning away this much.

Hilarious though, is that I ask for the east coast of the US and someone offers Pakistan. Someone upstairs is having a laugh at us..lol. So back to the drawing board we go, starting to stress because we haven't had any bites on his resume yet, probably paying someone to revamp it and hoping and praying. All we want is 40-50K in a job that he doesn't have to be gone for more than 1 month at a time. IS that too much to ask?? We just want stability and normalcy. No more extremely long separations.

So as this deployments nears its end (we still got a good 4 months to go, but I am looking at it as is almost over), the stress is starting to set in. I need to know where we are going, so hopefully we can start looking at buying our first home, signing up Tyler for preschool and just settling down for a bit and find boring, because boring sounds amazing right now.

We turned this job down and I feel good about it. Its not what we want right now in life, I just hope its the right decision.

Oh and don't worry about the uncontrollable sobbing sounds you are hearing right now, that is just my alter ego, you know, the one that is dreaming of absolutely no mortgage and a fendi purse to boot, crying her eyes out.

I will shut her up with a cupcake ;)

Love A

Bienvenidos a Miami....:)

2011-05-14T15:11:00.001-07:00

After stopping at my parents house to feed their pets (they are up to 4..turtle, bunny, parrot and Chihuahua) since they donned on their leather vests and took the bike up to Port Charlotte (way north Florida), and another pit stop at Dunkin Donuts for some pick me up ice coffee, our excursion this weekend took us to Miami. More specific Miami Children's Museum.

I absolutetly love Miami. The vibe, the strong smell of salt water, the pink buildings, the palm trees, everyone carrying fendi's and bumping into one Lamborghini after the other is just too cool. I dont go often because asides from being about 40 miles south of where I live, Miami's traffic is one of the worst. Its not worst than Houston, but the drivers are. Also 99% of the exits off the highway in Florida are on the right hand side, once you get to Miami, they have half on the right half on the left. We are not used to that, including yours trully. So you can only imagine how often I get lost and how many times my stupid Garmin uttered "recalculating" with an attitude. Then there is the other rude drivers, they will pull up in front of you, cut you off, slam on their breaks. Just rude rude, but considering I have been in a good mood for the past couple of days and have been so calm, it felt like the right time to go.

I have been to the museum once about 15 years ago when I was in middle school. They have renovated and I been dying to take the kids.But first we made a pit stop at The port of Miami. The kids had a blast seeing all the big cruise ships. It was amazing.
Then on to the museum which also had a big section dedicated to the cruise ships.It took everything in me to pry the kids away from "steering" the big ship and get them to look at other stuff. Also right now they are having "Mr Potato head" exhibit. So the kids went nuts over that, they also loved all the hands on stuff. From the supermarket, to the dentist chair, to the bank, and everything in between. Tyler's favorite was definitely the police station. Ju loved the supermarket. She parked the shopping cart by the chickens and filled it up. She wanted nothing to do with anything else except those chickens. She was rubbing and caressing them and throwing them on the cart. Very disturbing and I have no idea where she got it from because never once have I fondled a chicken at the supermarket.

Anyways, after spending hours at the museum, having a yummy lunch, I decided to take the long way home. I drove up A1A (the last street east before the beach) and we went through South Beach. If you have never been you should really experience it. Where else in the world can you get a cuban cofee, find a Santeria shop and be behind Taylor Swift's tour bus in traffic??
Its just a mesh of cultures and types, always good for a laugh, not to mention all the eye candy. Shirts are optional in South Beach and most guys take that to heart. Just be careful, it is South Beach and do a double take, cause you might be staring at a hot guy and then find out its actually a woman :O

I am just happy its one more week down and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for this deployment. We only got about 30% to go. Thank God :)

Here are some pictures :

Turning on a new leaf...hopefully!!!!!!

2011-05-13T16:22:00.001-07:00

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
~Alan Cohen

I like to think one of my best characteristics is I am a good friend. Being an only child, I have become very close to my friends. I value a good friendship and in turn I really try to be the best friend ever. I return calls, ask about their family, just an example of what a good friend is. Having and being a good friend is necessary for my happiness.

Well I have been kind of a hypocrite lately. I have talked shit about one of my most important friends. I have put her down, degraded her, mistreated her, laughed at her dreams and just loathed her in general. And this wasn't a one time thing, this was an every day thing. I was cruel. Just thinking about it makes me weepy.

All of my other friends I was the completely polar opposite of it. Even if their dreams sounded insane, I cheered them on and had faith on them, I quietly listened and tried to give the best advice possible when advice was necessary. I have shared many laughs and loaned my shoulder many times for them to cry on.

This friend that I have been evil to, I told her to stop being stupid and strop crying, I never listened to her heart and was just a cold bitch to her.

HOW COULD I HAVE TREATED MYSELF THAT BAD WHEN I TREAT MY FRIENDS LIKE GOLD?? Why don't I deserve the same consideration I give to my other friends?? Why is that I am always putting myself down??

I need to be my best friend. Better than I can be to anyone else. I need to stop critiquing my self, and actually become my number 1 cheerleader. My husband cant be my number 1 cheerleader. I need to be one for myself. If I don't believe in myself, why should anyone else??

I also need to be more positive about my body, believe in my dreams. I have such an easy time having faith and believe in everyone else's dream and yet my own I have an ability to shut them off and burry them because it seems stupid.
I would never say to a friend the things I say to myself, its cruel and evil. Why do I ever think its okay to think them??

I cant even remember the last time I praised myself, but I bet this morning when I stepped on the scale I put myself down. Not cool. I bet my body despises me for all the put down I have done over the years and unfortunately I am not alone.

From the housewife to the CEO, from the child to the teen, we all do it at some degree. We say evil mean things we would never say to our worst enemy. We don't praise ourselves, or love ourselves enough. We have become a society that thinks looks is more important than character. As long as you look good, you are a good person.
Oh and if you don't, don't worry, there is an easy fix for that. From the many plastic surgery options, to all the muds and wrap treatments, to the 8 year old getting waxed and botox. Yep you heard that right!!!

What kind of message are we sending to our kids?? Who in the world thinks an 8 yr old needs botox because of wrinkles??

That is not how I want to raise my daughter. I want to raise her to have confidence and self worth, but how can I do that if I don't have it??

Well the good thing is "every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around" (little movie trivia..which movie is that from??) So therefore I got time, if I work at it, I can maybe find some confidence and some self worth and in turn teach to her.

So from now on, I will become my absolute best friend. I will praise myself, love myself and not utter one mean word to myself. I will trust my instincts and believe in my dreams.

I know it wont be easy, but I will get there even if I have to fake until I make it :)

Love A

From dip to liquor and all in between...

2011-05-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

It all started with a simple chat with the bestie. We were talking about dips and she mentioned that her favorite is cream cheese & chili, nuked on the microwave and eaten with Frito chips. Considering we have very similar taste buds (asides from a few oddities..she hates sea food. How we are still friends after 13 yrs I have no clue), I decided that sounded very good and since I never had before and had no plans for friday night, I was going to make this dip and watch a movie. I would have invited her, except 17 hrs is too far to drive just for dips and a movie.

Also, down the road they opened a new Total Wine. If you haven't been, picture a Walmart, but instead of the great value stuff and plastic toys, there is aisles and aisles of all kinds of liquor, wine and beer you could possibly want. On my way to pick up Tyler a lightbulb went on and I decided beer would go down so good with some chips and dip. A dangerous u-turn and I was on my way.

After loading Ju and her ugly baby (another post for another day) on the shopping cart, I started to browse. I was in awe. I have never seen such a vast selection in my life. From gallon size containers of margaritas to adorable little bottles of mudslide. This is just too much to take in.

Down by aisle 2 I see a wine tasting table. Ever since I discovered that not all wine tasted bitter like my fathers beloved porto, or cavity sweet like my aunts favorite white, I have had a love affair with wine. Finding the right one is a pain. I have drank so many $6 bottles of crappy wine,and after one too many headache my love affair was over and we went on no speaking terms for years.

I decided to stalk this wine tasting table for a bit. I acted extremely engrossed in a bottle of white chocolate vodka, while having my ears peaked up and listening to the other people stop by and begin their tasting. I noticed after a couple of tasting of different wines, everyone left with a bottle. Now my curiosity was piked, I was going to stand in line and participate in this wine tasting. With baby and baby's baby in town. Classy I know :)

As soon as the lady before me finished "oohhing and ahhhing" and grabbed 2 bottles and happilly skipped to the cashier, it was my turn.
I approached the lady, explained I broke up with wine a couple years ago because I could never find a good one, but that I missed it. After answering a few questions stating that I prefer red over white. I dont like porto and I would like to be able to drink a bottle without a necessary visit to the dentist.

She told me today was my lucky day. It was Italian wine day and how Italian wine is just what I am looking for, then she began to pour. I tasted the first and liked it but didnt like the after taste, I tasted 3 more and by then I was confused. I already had 2 that I had enjoyed so much but she wouldn't let me leave until I tasted them all because she said she wanted me to be extremely happy with my purchase and develop a brand new love affair for wine. I guess my "Oh this is good" face wasnt good enough.

After 2 more tasting I knew what she was talking about or maybe it was that I had already had what equals to a full glass of tasting on a empty stomach, but this one tasted divine. Just absolutely divine. It went down so smooth. Jackpot.

I grabbed a bottle and started browsing. Big mistake. I contained my self. I grabbed a 6 pack of Labatt blue beer and started walking back to the front of the store where the cashiers are located. Then I stumbled upon the aisles of vodka.

I sound like a kid in a candy store, I know. But either I was too poor and only knew about the very slim selection of Walmart and the Military class VI, or what. This aisle of vodka has rows and rows of shiny new vodka. Having always been a fan of Grey Goose or Absolut (no I cant drink pure vodka alone. I am not there yet ;)), I was shocked to see so many different brands and the difference in flavors?? I had heard of vanilla, and orange vodka. Well they have banana, peach, cranberry, pomegranate, mango, almond, chocolate, white mocha, coffee (can I substitute that for my coffee in the morning???), and so on. It was totally eye opening. I couldn't let this opportunity pass, I had to broaden my horizons, so a bottle of pomegranate vodka went into the cart. Okay this was it. I was going to pay for my beer, wine and vodka and leave.

2 steps before the cashier and I find this display of adorable mini bottles. A total marketing strategy. So many mini bottles of all different kinds of liquors and right before you are about to pay for your purchase. Being a huge fan of anything mini and knowing I am going to be drinking alone, and everything priced under $1. I was done for it before I even had a chance to process it. I grabbed a bottle of mini mudslide (that I enjoy once in a while and not in immense quantities, a little bottle of coconut something (I love anything coconut) and a little bottle of cranberry vodka.

Finally no more marketing strategies, I was able to walk to the cashier, pay for my purchases, and leave.

I must say the dip was absolutely delicious, the beer went down smooth, the movie was okay. I watched "Conviction" with Hillary Swank. I have a strong dislike of her ever since she ruined "PS I love you" for me. If I got over who was playing, it was an interesting movie. All in all a great night.

Now I must warn you, if you do decide to visit a liquor store soon, please share with me your favorites. I am always open to new ideas and need a little help to get me through the next million weekends I have left.
And please DON'T WORRY.Whenever I drink ,the only heavy machinery I operate is the remote, and the fork. I haven't hurt myself with those yet....knock on wood =)

Love A

The art of punishment...

2011-05-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants well behaved children, who listen, never disrespect you, always answers when you call, keeps their room clean, and are just a joy to be around.

If you are looking for that, might I suggest one of these. A look alike life baby doll :)

For the rest of us that have been blessed with children that will push their limits at every chance they get, will walk off stomping while you are talking to them, will embarrass you, pinch their siblings and throw their toys, just to drive you insane, there is punishment.

Before I had kids I said I was never going to spank, I was never going to scream, loose my temper, or threaten them with authority figures. Before I had kids, I had visions of walking down the aisles of a store, with well groomed, well behaved children, getting praises left and right from everyone that crossed our paths. I was committed to being a good mom of wonderfully well behaved children, and I was going to get that. My children screaming and throwing a fit in the middle of the store and everyone judging me?? I don't think so. Before I had kids, I was the best mother around.

Well life happened, my sweet cuddly babies who were extremely easy going, turned into little monsters with sass and attitude. The tantrums started and with every new phase of development arrived a new set of issues. They learned how to walk?? Great but that means they learned how to touch things they weren't allowed.
They learned how to talk?? Yes they learned how to say "I love you" and make me melt but they also learned the dreaded "No" and that was accompanied by a little wiggly finger saying "No no no" and so forth.

Punishment had to happen. I tried everything, the husband and I spent hours watching reruns of super nanny. Time outs, getting down to their level, following thru with a punishment, calm stable voice, praises for good behavior, time out chairs. Oh God I could regurgitate all of it in my sleep.
Some of it worked, some only served as entertainment for the kids.

I dont like to say my son is smart. I don't think smart is the word I am looking for and it doesn't fit him. No he doesn't know composers or the capital of Thailand at 4 yrs. old. So the word I am looking for is more like useful and adaptable. Let me explain..
we send him to his room as punishment, after throwing a fit he is quiet, we go check on him and he is entertaining himself with the hangers. So the next time we send him to his room, we have removed the hangers, and what has he done?? He removed the knob from his dresser and was playing with it.

Clearly this punishment wasn't working, so we decided to keep him close to us. His new time out spot was sitting in the kitchen with absolutely nothing around. For a while this works, its a new place, he cant move, there is nothing around. Then he adapts, and finds some lint in his pocket and makes a game of the lint being little policeman and the lines on the tile, are their roads, and before long, he is so engrossed in his game, he is laughing and having fun. Once again he has outsmarted us.

So we started trying to get creative and taking things away. It only works for a while before he decides a toy he hasn't see in a while is more important than his shinny new motorcycle that mommy confiscated.

At the end, we resorted to butt spanking. I hate it. I got spanked as a child and promised I would never do that to my children, well I also didn't believe I would have children that doesn't listen, and besides I survived and I am respectful of my elders, and have somewhat good manners. I guess its a trade off. I might scar my child for life but at least he will be respectful and a good member of society and I am sure when he has kids, he will forgive me. So for extremely serious offenses, he gets a shoe to the bum. I am very careful and make sure I only hit the fat part of his butt. Not his back or anything else.

People say you shouldn't punish your child when you are angry. Uh when are you supposed to do?? When you are calm, having a great time and feeling festive??

Many books are against spanking, many books are urging moms not to spank and to just talk, redirect, and use other forms of punishment. That spanking is not necessary and therefore extremely damaging to a child's psych.

Growing up in a country where your parents, neighbors and anyone else had explicit right to swat you in your bum when you were misbehaving,surrounded by old ladies who loved to pinch, who no one ever thought to call the police, because someone was being disciplined, who kneeling in rice for a while is a completely normal and acceptable form of punishment, I have had extremely conflicting ideas on this.

Dont get me wrong, I love the USA. I really do. It has given me many opportunities that otherwise I wouldn't have had it, but to say that its perfect?? Far from it. And I mean which country is??
Brasil is so wrong in so many areas, and because it is my homeland, I will pass even harsher judgment from it, because I expect better of it, just like I expect better from my children and I am more easy going on my friends children.

So anyways, Brazil vs USA, we have it better on this issue. Our children back home are more family oriented, more respectful of their elders, and so forth.

I truly think it has to do with the mentality of it takes a village to raise a children. Everyone knows everyone, its impossible to live in Brasil and not get to know your neighbors. Sometimes a bit much, and there is an understanding that if the parents is not noticing it their child act up, you are more than welcome to step in and correct it, because at the end of the day, you want whats best for that child.

So after wrestling for so long with completely different opinions on the subject, I have had to draw my own conclusion and what I deem acceptable for my children.
Everyone in my family and my close friends know they can punish my kids without a problem. I didn't see it?? You are another adult, if you are close to me, is because we have similar believes, therefore, go ahead, punish them.

I think its cruel and unusual punishment to have them kneel in rice (so far though,,,that might change if the offenses starts to escalate).

I dont want to be my child's friend. I want to be their mother. I want to be a mother that they can come and talk to at any time, regardless of the topic, I want an open line of communication, but at the end of the day, I want them to see me as their mother. A mother who cares, who listens, but who they respect and love the same. I am not here to be their friend like so many others I see.

To find the right punishment is almost impossible. I mean getting creative, doing different things and stuff will have an impact, but a punishment that doesnt hurt the mother (sometimes more than it hurts the child)?? Absolutely impossible.

I hate spanking my child, I hate seeing a wonderful toy that I know they will love it but cant buy it because I told them they weren't going to get anything until their behavior improved, I hate being at home and not taking them to that zoo I promised because they were horrible at school. I hate it with a passion. Its a necessary evil. I would hate even more for them to grow up and have so little respect for our elders that God forbid he will push one down the stairs, or think its okay to set a homeless person on fire, or stomp on a classmates head. So therefore I continue on punishing and molding them to be wonderful members of society. BUt to say I like it?? Nope. Its the hardest part of this job.

Love A

On the right path????

2011-05-01T13:16:00.001-07:00

Anyone that knows me, knows how long I have battled weight issues. I never wanted to project that onto my children and probably would have sold my soul to shield and protect them from all the pain I have gone through. Oh how much life is easier when you are born the "right" size.

Fast forward to when I became a mother. My son was a healthy 8.14oz. While I was recuperating from a air pocket that traveled to my heart but took a detour and went to my shoulder, the nurse brought my son in because he was screaming from hunger. Without them being able to wake me and advising my father because of the amount of morphine I was under, breast feeding wasn't a option, my father made the decision to give my son some formula. The nurse handed him a 2oz bottle and told my father to feed him less than 1 oz.

What transpired next is what has been told to me as I was in lala land. My father was talking to my inlays, my mother and every family member. Probably saying sweet things like every other first proud grandparent would say. What the nurse mentioned about only giving him 1 oz was the last thing on his mind. Tyler drank all 2 oz, gave a big old burp and started crying again. What did my wonderful father do?? Grabbed another bottle and gave it to him. 1.5. more oz went in. The nurse doing her rounds came back and completely freaked out. She called the doctor on call and there was a huge commotion. The nurse took Tyler from my fathers arm, poked and probed him, the doctor came rushing in, got the explanation from the nurse and my father. After checking him out and realizing that he was perfectly fine and the worst thing that could happen would be him throwing up, the doctor told my father "Did he get sick?? Nope?? Okay then feed him. That one got a big appetite".

I believe that day Ty broke some record. I doubt many hour old newborns eat 3.5oz and sleep peaceful without screaming. Having been more insightful, I would have realized this was a prediction of what would come. Extreme pain, bleeding nipples, a son sucking me completely dry within less than a month and a lactation consultant telling me there is just not enough flow, or milk for him. He cries because he is hungry, him going to formula, eating every 3hrs way more than kids around him, home made baby food at 4.5 months, and still to today at age 4 the appetite of a horse. There were many fights with my parents. Here I am a inexperienced mother, with horrible weight issues and the only thing I could think about is that I was setting up my son for a lifetime of pain.

I have worried and cried many nights over his weight. He is chunky. No other way to say it. When I belonged to a military forum, I spoke to some moms about his weight. After a nasty comment was said about me, I internalized everything and never again spoke about it to anyone except extremely close friends. Until now!

Anytime I brought up concerns to my doctors they told me 96% is fine, he is extremely healthy, never sick, dont worry.

I tried to control what I could. I made his own baby food from the beginning. We are talking about spinach and mashed black beans at 6 months old, all kinds of soups. All kinds of meats and veggies. The was even mocoto soup. In case you never heard of it, mocoto soup is cows feet stewed with lots of veggies and black beans. A major hit back home.

When Tyler was 8 months old, I moved back to Texas on my own. Extreme fear of me feeding him baby food because of convenience, my father, who is also overweight but healthy as a horse, overnight me a cooler filled with homemade baby food, packed on dry ice. No joke. It cost him $150 to do that, but hey when you truly believe in something, money is no object.

Through out the years I continued to worry about his weight and continued on trying to feed him extremely healthy stuff.Now dont get me wrong, I make mistakes. We love to eat out and McD's is still a favorite (even though I read all the reports) and I never know which one is better: butter or margarine. I didnt learn that High Fructose Corn Syrup was the evil until just last year.
There is still a lot I have to learn.

At some points when the comments of how big he is got to me, I have cried to my husband and begged him to let me put him on a diet. My sweet wonderful husband who was also overweight but got a job at McD's at 17 and lost is all and who can eat cereal and cookie dough for a week and actually loose weight (dont we all hate him??) wouldn't allow me.

Its not whats on the outside that matters, its what on the inside. He repeated that to me so many times, I couldnt argue anymore. At 4 yrs old Tyler has had maybe 2 colds. Everyone around him will get sick except him. Knock on wood!

Juliet came along and I worried even more. For a guy they dont have as much vanity as we woman do, they are not judged as harshly. For a girl in this world, weight is everything. Its not how it should be, but it is. She also was born with an extremely healthy appetite. She was also 95% by the time she was 1. Then suddenly she started moving around and thinned out. Now she is barely around the 45% range. My prayers were answered on their own.

Tyler at 4 continues to be 95%. He weighs 48lbs and wears a size 5-6. That makes him the biggest kid in his class. I have put him in swimming, soccer, I push him to play outside longer than I would. Everything I do is a mirror of my fears.

At the same time, kids learns from us, even things we don't want them to learn. All day long he has to be sipping on something. I only buy him fruit/veggie juice water it down and only give it during meals. Every other time is water. I also switched his milk to 1% after he turned 2. But all day long he sees me sipping something so he does it too.

Also after dinner he requires something sweet. That is an old habit I have grown up with. Grandparents, parents, generations back do it. Even if its a small piece of something. So therefore he either gets some pudding, a couple tic tacs, a marshmallow. You name it.

I worried and worried. Well this week I was given a gift. A reassurance of some sorts.

As I mentioned before, out of 35 kids in his class, Tyler is the biggest. He doesn't have a fat face, but he is build and well bigger than his peers because he is short. This week they were learning about nutrition. One day they had all kinds of veggies displayed and asked the kids.

My son could name every single veggie around. Asparagus he called Spartacus and cauliflower, he called the white broccoli, but everything else he was able to name it. He even asked them where the Kale was. That mommy makes Kale with fried eggs and its yummy and its really good and why didn't they have Kale. When his teacher was telling me this, I had a tear in my eye. The nutritionist that was the guest speaker of the day was amazed and had to admit to him that most children have no idea what Kale is and that she didn't bring it. The only veggie the other kids could name were corn and yucky peas.

I guess it is true, that our children do learn and mimick from us. I was so stuck on him being skinny to be acceptable, I have forgotten, that being healthy is 100% better than being skinny. I am a healthy fattie. I cant qualify for gastric bypass because there is nothing wrong with me. All my levels are 100% fine. To the shock and amazement of most doctors. Maybe my son will follow in my footsteps and be a healthy fattie.

I just hope, unlike his mother, he realizes that being healthy is what is most important.

Love A

Such a good book....

2011-04-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a great book comes along that rocks your world. Well "Life as we knew it" has done that for me.

Its a dystopian novel geared towards YA. The protagonist is not whinny despite of the circumstances she has been throw into.

Miranda is a 16 yr old is worrying about boys and prom until an asteroid hits the moon and throws it off its axis. If you remember science class back in the 5th grade, you will know the moon controls the tides, so huge tsunamis hits everywhere, there is volcanic ash from the erupted volcanos that covers the sun. Electricity is scarce, survival is a must.

You know a book hits you so hard when after finishing reading, you are opening and closing your cabinets, wondering if you have enough canned veggies. Its written in diary format so easy to read, but a very dark novel. She goes in depth about how she feels her mom is eating less and so is she and her brother so her younger brother can survive longer. Kind of sacrificing themselves for him. Its a very raw look. At times I had to put it down because it really broke my heart.
I didn't like the ending because it didn't really end.

I read the 2nd one in the series called "The dead and the gone". Instead of being a second one in the series is more like a companion book. Same events but instead of being set in PA (always from the coastline) like "Life as we knew it" is, this one is set in NY and tells the story of Alex and his two sisters. Same event but it hits him completely different and he has to deal with a completely different set of problems than Miranda did in the first book.

The 3rd one is "This world we live in" is the last in the series and does answer a lot of questions that you had left from book 1 and 2.

So, if you are looking for something that will captivate you from beginning to end, pick this up.

Love A

Almost wordless Tuesday...

2011-04-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

I keep my brother company during time out because I love him, or maybe because I want some credit for the next time I play with the flour mommy left on the counter.

Thank you, thank you :)

2011-04-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

Lately I been on a funk/pity party/woe me fiesta, that would drive even the most sane person insane.

I miss my husband so much. Just after r&r sucks, because when he was home, it just made me realize even more, how life is better with him around and how much he adds to it.
5 months or so that we have left seems like an eternity. Oh why me?? Why us?? Why do we have to go through this?? Why cant I have my husband in town all the time?

I been sounding like a very popular protagonist in a extremely popular teen series. You know vampire, sparkly....rings a bell? ;)

I know, I know, that bad!!!!?!?!?!??!

Every single time the kids does something cute or adorable, it just tugs at my heart and makes me realize even more he is not here enjoying this. It takes away some of the joy. Its like a happy/sad joy.

I have been robbed some joy in my life. After our first miscarriage, any subsequent pregnancy after that was filled with pure worry and stress. Yes I have been very lucky to have given birth to 2 beautiful perfect kids, but I will still think about that, anytime I see someone really happy enjoying their pregnancy. 2 kids later, 5 yrs later and it still pains me and I somewhat feel robbed of the whole pregnancy carefree mindset.

So anyways, I am afraid that these special moments with the kids where I am happy but sad at the same time because dh is missing it, will still cause me pain years from now. Like when I am 40, I will be still grieving for these missed years. I have said many many times how lucky I am to be home with them, so raise and guide them, how much joy and fulfillment it brings me. I want to soak it all in and not miss a drop of it. I want it all.

I whine, and I cry, and I just been in a rut because of the unfairness of him missing so much. I know everything happens for a reason, I trust in God too much to think there was a paperwork mistake and that I am not supposed to go through this, but because of a shortage in staff I got stuck. Nah. I know there is a purpose for the way things are working out. No accident or mistake. We have to go through this because.......????This because is what keeps me up at night.
I feel if you dont learn your lesson from something, you will keep repeating the same mistake until the lesson finally sinks in. Well I havent learned much or even anything at all yet. The first deployment, while rough, I grew a lot and learned many good lessons that I still carry with me today.

This one I feel like I am just existing, like I am going through the motions. One step in front of the other, many tugs into my big girl panties so I dont end up a slobbering mess on the floor throwing a tantrum so big that would put some 2 yr olds to shame and have Super Nanny throw her hands up in the air.

Then we go back to the fact that I havent learned anything yet so does that mean this lesson will continue on and on?? Will something happen that will keep him from coming home?? OMG what am I supposed to learn?? Some guidance please....

and the cycle repeats. Hence why my rut.

Well today flipping through the channels I landed on OWN. Everyone knows I am a big Oprah fan and ever since she started her own channel, I have made an effort to check it out. Well today the show was titled.."I am pregnant...". I didn't read the info and just started watching.

Well the info would have told me its "I am pregnant and homeless". Watching their struggles, her need and want to nest and living out of a tent in the wood or at the back of their van. Their worry about social services taking her child away, panhandling for a little bit of money, her having lost 15lbs during pregnancy, it just tore my heart like a powerful paper shredder.

Here I am mourning at having been robbed the carefree mind set that comes with pregnancy and here is this woman having been robbed so much more. My situation was 10 times easier than hers, and yet I am still feeling robbed??

What the heck is wrong with me?? What happened to believing in the little things?? Having faith in all and being thankful for every breath we take because its all a gift???

I am sure for a wife that have lost her husband, her pain is continuous. It will never end, unlike mine ,that will end in a couple months.

I was in desperate need of an eye opening, and God provided, through a tv show. You might think I am grasping at whatever I can, and I probably am, but it was perfect. It brought me right back to reality and completely out of the fiesta I was having.

I cant say for certain that I am going to be thankful for every single little moment, that I am going to appreciate everything like a gift. Its how we should be, but unfortunately at least me, I am human, falling is a lot easier than succeeding, but I can promise that from now on, I will try very hard. I will enjoy every moment, my husband will God willing, have plenty of time to enjoy his moments with the kids when he comes home and I am napping, or vacationing in Cabo with only me, myself and my kindle ;)

I dont need to grief for him or borrow trouble. I need to just enjoy every little moment I have and treat it for what it is, a wonderful gift that brings me pure joy. Not worry or trouble or sadness, just joy.

I still don't know what my lesson is, but thank God I still got 5 months to figure it out ;)

LOVE A

Tuesday Prayer...

2011-04-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

No dont worry, I am not getting all religious on you guys,I havent become a Bible thumper, and I wont be knocking on your door tomorrow morning :)

I just received this prayer, thought it was really nice and decided to share :

Please feel free to return to your life of sin, right after answering the door ;)

Love A

Barely hanging on....

2011-04-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend had no prospects of turning into a good weekend. By friday I had noticed I lost my partial. After tearing my whole house apart and still not finding it, I was in a piss mood. Have I mentioned how much I dislike looking for something??

Friday night I decided to put on a happy face and just enjoy my weekend. A couple of weeks ago after pulling their pool out of storage, and filling it up, I noticed that the 2 yrs it was in storage, they had completely outgrown their pool.

Exhibit A

So I went to Walmart and purchased a brand new one. During the week we were so busy running around, I promised Tyler Saturday I would fill it up for them. Saturday seems like a long long time when you are 4. After counting the day every day and reassuring him for the millionth time that Monday, Wed and Friday were not Saturday and that Saturday had not come and gone while he was sleeping, Saturday finally arrived. Bright and early he woke me up at 5:30 and asked me to fill up the pool. After handing him my phone and begging for 10 more minutes, I rolled out of bed at 7 and after breakfast, went outside to fill up their bright shinny new pool. I look up at the sky and gloom is staring back at me. Oh no!!!

I bribed them and told them to wait 1 hr to see if the sun would come out. Not even 20 minutes later, there is a huge thunderstorm brewing. By this time I am starting to worry. Have you ever been inside a house with 2 kids who think they are going to get to play in a pool they been waiting for 7 whole days?? They act like daemons. No other way to describe it.

It rained and rained and rained. The harder it rained, the more cabin fever they got. No amount of movies, play dough, coloring or legos could make them happy. By 3pm I was loosing my mind and it was still pouring. At this point I may or may not have had a pity party.

By 3:30 pm, I may or may not have had a glass of wine.I was on the edge and falling fast. All my plans of them playing in the pool while I lounge by and read my book were shot by mother nature. Oh the unfairness of having a whole week of sunshine and horrible thunderstorms on Saturday. Mother nature is a woman. She know how kids act while couped up inside.

After my glass of wine and reorganizing my frazzled mind, I had a bright idea. To the tub with a bottle of bubbles they went. Oh peace and quiet for a good 40 minutes. Instead of lounging in the sun with my book, I was sitting on the toilet basking in fluorescent light,keeping an eye on them.Huge mess in the bathroom to clean, but hey small price to pay.

After coming out of the water completely pruned up, they were happy and calm and my sweet normal children again. We baked and watched movies and just had a good ol time. Parenting win ;)

On sunday, I had no hopes for sunshine and you know what?? Sunshine greeted me at 8 am. It was a beautiful hot muggy day. Perfect for pool day. I filled it up and they had a blast.

My book was a crappy one, but the children played and played and wore themselves out. Heaven.

One more week down. I have survived another week. Barely hanging on by a thread but I did.

Hey no one said survival was calm cool collected and classy at the time ;)

Love A

THE INSANE REALITY OF MY LIFE

Thank God for sick days!!

*Moves the huge piles of papers to the side*

2011 in review

I am eating ice cream for lunch..

Hindsight is 20/20

Almost wordless Tuesday..

Heartbreak

"How are you???"

Hey, it's okay :

Ti's the season

House tour. Make yourself at home!!

Siblings

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

A-Z of me

What I been up to???

The best pumpkin cheesecake yet..

The H20 issue

Halloween through the years

Pinterest to the rescue again..

Bum showing

Too much tv

Air show.

Where has the time gone???

New Mexico

Home sweet home

Racking up the miles...

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

Let's do this thing...

Happy birthday Bug....

Grabbing life by the horns

It's vacation time ;)

Homecoming

Just what I was in need of...

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Material possessions sometimes can make one smile bright!!

Traveling without leaving your kitchen

Sept 11

My internet friends...

The "I don't have an accent" Vlog

A change would do you good!!!!

Weight loss insanity!!!!

Religion and children..

Sorry about the screams...

Cooking my way through Pinterest

Weekend Resort

2nd time around the block....

In the end, it will all even out!!!!!!

I blame it on turning 30...

Another weekend down...

This weekend we managed to acquire more than a tan ....

Chick-fil-A will miss us tonight.....

"WOW" doesn't even begin to cover it...

The progression of Friday nights.....

So deceiving...

Speechless wednesday

No will power----no problemo

Is there a Dr House around? Please....

Happy birthday my old man ;)

Patience my a$$

Over the hill, the world looks different!!!!

Home Land 101 :

Paranoia sucks...

Happy father's day....

"I dont have to do anything??? Sign me up...:)

Not every keepsake is a keeper!!

Present fun..

AHA!!!!!

9 month dread....

Out of debt.....

Happy Memorial Day!!!!

New color...maybe????

$200k ?? Nahh you can keep it...

Bienvenidos a Miami....:)

Turning on a new leaf...hopefully!!!!!!

From dip to liquor and all in between...

The art of punishment...

On the right path????

Such a good book....

Almost wordless Tuesday...

Moves the huge piles of papers to the side