I am happy,
I am happy because I am living in the middle of a wonderful love story,
because I am healthy,
becuase I have healthy children,
because I have a strong faith I can rely on,
because I am married to a wonderful man and even though he is thousands of miles away, I can call him and he will patiently give me directions,
I am happy because my fridge is full, I have a roof over my head, and clothes for me and my children,
because I have a wonderful support system and friends that will listen to me day and night,
because I have the privilege of staying home with my kids,
because I have the privilege to persue my degree and my interests.
I am happy because I have been blessed 10 ways until Sunday.
Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect.
Some days the world brings me to my knees before 10 am.
Murphy is around, things break, problems happens, children act rotten
I cry, I scream, I have my days, I cuss, I drink too much wine and I watch too many hours of trashy tv and some days I just veg out.
I spend hours in my tub with my kindle getting lost in some other reality,
I will be the first one killed in a zombie apocalypse due to mistaken identity because I don't sleep well, and the closest thing to a healthy meal I eat is milano's with some grapes.
Some days, at the end of the day, my only accomplishment is having kept the kids alive even though they were acting rotten.
But life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you deal with it, and even though 3 deployments in 6 years is not my choosing, I chose to control what I can and that is how I deal with it.
So just because I am happy and not whining about it every day on facebook and I am choosing to focus on what I can control which is to better myself everyday and deal with everything that happens to me, does not mean I don't love my husband.
On the contrary, it means I love him more than enough to try to be a strong better wife and mother so that he can do his job in peace without worrying about me.
Love A
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Just what the doc prescribed
This has been a really rough week for me. My aunt passed away on Sunday morning and I was filled with sadness and even worse regret. You see I been promising to go home for the past 3 years since Juliet was born, and I still haven't made home. Deployments, moving, the fact that is now 4 tickets and this trip would cost a good $5k. I always had reasons to keep postponing. My aunt wanted to meet Juliet and she died without having that wish fulfilled.
All those reasons that I had before didn't seem good enough anymore. At the time, sure they felt like very good reasons, on Sunday they felt like excuses and it filled me with regret. I am 30 years old, I thought I was done with learning such important lessons, I have read fortune cookies, listened to famous quotes about time wasted, and yet I realized I don't know jack shit. I am still learning, and sometimes the lessons life teaches you hurt. They hurt a lot.
So yeah, to say its been a rough week its an understatement, so to not really deal with my feelings (because I don't have the time to fall apart), I drove myself into busy work. I cleaned garage floors, I packed, I organized, I cleaned my floors with toothbrushes, I have finished almost all my work for this quarter, but I was still broken. I was still sad and hurting.
Today I had absolutely nothing to do. My house is spotless. If I refold my sheets one more time, I will commit myself, so my friend suggested I start watching Greys Anatomy. I have never seen, 7 seasons are on netflix and a mindless numbing tv show will get my mind off things. Well I decided to follow her advice and started watching. It was just what I needed. To loose myself into some fictional drama and forget about my issues.
Everything was going great until one episode in which the main character said this quote :
--------------------------Meredith Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
I paused, rewinded and listened to it again and again and again. I needed it to sink in and it did. I had a wonderful cry in the shower, picked myself up and decided to try again. Try to be better, try to make better decisions, really seize the day, because what else could I do?? I don't have the time to fall apart, and I don't have time to dwell on my mistakes and I don't want to. I want to learn from them and try to turn each and every sadness into something positive.
Don't get me wrong, I still miss her and I am very very sad, but now I am finally thinking about the happy moments, all the laughter we shared and all the advice she gave me. I am thinking of my amazing aunt instead of being filled with regret and for right now, that is good enough.
Love A
All those reasons that I had before didn't seem good enough anymore. At the time, sure they felt like very good reasons, on Sunday they felt like excuses and it filled me with regret. I am 30 years old, I thought I was done with learning such important lessons, I have read fortune cookies, listened to famous quotes about time wasted, and yet I realized I don't know jack shit. I am still learning, and sometimes the lessons life teaches you hurt. They hurt a lot.
So yeah, to say its been a rough week its an understatement, so to not really deal with my feelings (because I don't have the time to fall apart), I drove myself into busy work. I cleaned garage floors, I packed, I organized, I cleaned my floors with toothbrushes, I have finished almost all my work for this quarter, but I was still broken. I was still sad and hurting.
Today I had absolutely nothing to do. My house is spotless. If I refold my sheets one more time, I will commit myself, so my friend suggested I start watching Greys Anatomy. I have never seen, 7 seasons are on netflix and a mindless numbing tv show will get my mind off things. Well I decided to follow her advice and started watching. It was just what I needed. To loose myself into some fictional drama and forget about my issues.
Everything was going great until one episode in which the main character said this quote :
--------------------------Meredith Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
I paused, rewinded and listened to it again and again and again. I needed it to sink in and it did. I had a wonderful cry in the shower, picked myself up and decided to try again. Try to be better, try to make better decisions, really seize the day, because what else could I do?? I don't have the time to fall apart, and I don't have time to dwell on my mistakes and I don't want to. I want to learn from them and try to turn each and every sadness into something positive.
Don't get me wrong, I still miss her and I am very very sad, but now I am finally thinking about the happy moments, all the laughter we shared and all the advice she gave me. I am thinking of my amazing aunt instead of being filled with regret and for right now, that is good enough.
Love A
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
There will always be cupcakes!
Deployment number 3 has officially started, and amazingly I am okay. Give me a couple of months and a wine/vodka/rum shortage and things might change, but so far so good. I think what really helped is my parents came in on friday. They love their son in law so much they couldn't let him leave without seeing him, and although some people might think its intruding, it isn't. My parents are very laid back, love their grandchildren to pieces, and as long as they have their grandkids to love adore and spoil, they could care less what we do, so it ended up working out great that we were able to steal away some moments for ourselves, also after I dropped him off, they kept me busy and entertained until today, when they finally left. So all in all it worked out perfectly. Having them here, after dh left, made the whole difference in the world. Also I surprised dh by dying my hair black before he left, and he was very happy. He has always wanted me to go darker because he thinks it would look great, I always been scared, well we compromised and I got a simple one that comes out in 28 shampoos. Needless to say dh was right, it looks awesome and I might even go permanent. He was one happy hubby.
Now I am back to routine and have a great feeling about all this. In about 8 weeks I will move, I have a class to finish before then and some packing to do, so hopefully that will keep me busy and after I move I will have the bestie to hang out with, I have a wedding in Brazil, in May that I am going to try my dang hardest to make it to, some more pounds to shed and a degree to finish, not to mention a new town to explore, and Georgetown cupcakes right around the corner to enjoy. Hey don't laugh but I actually have "try a Georgetown cupcake" on my bucket list (I don't know if its my inner fatty talking or my insanely obsession with the food channel, but we will just roll with it), so to be able to cross that off my list is amazing.
Visit Carlos bakery of Cake boss in Jersey is also on the list, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
So that is the extend of my deployment plans, one foot in front of the other, and hopefully I will be able to shine this year and get a ton accomplished, if not at least I will have a cupcake and cross an item off my list. What more can I ask for??
Love A
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Road trip on the cheap side..
This weekend we took advantage of the 4 day weekend and the fact that soon but not soon enough we are leaving El Paso and needed to check out the surrounding area before we were done. So a trip to Albuquerque and White Sands was in the cards. That is the only thing I wanted to do before I left here, I have now done, so time please hurry up and get me the hell out of here ;)
Moving on, when road tripping with kids doesn't have to be expensive. I make sure I always take snacks, and plan our meals. Eating out 3 times a day, plus snacks can get expensive and totally unhealthy. Through out all our moves and trips, I have learned a few tips, that will hopefully help you guys out.
1. Purchase a small cooler. That way you can fill it up with ice, take some sandwiches for the first meal of the trip, cheese strings, fruit, or whatever else tickles your fancy.
2. ziplock bags with snacks and sandwiches are a must. Usually we leave early in the morning after feeding the kids breakfast, then they eat the bags of snacks I have prepared, and by lunch we eat the sandwiches. We are not that far away from home anyways to want to eat anywhere that we want to check it out, so the sandwiches are easy and handy. Also before your trip, make sure you purchase some bottles for your kids and yourself. Dh and I have this one : Water bottle and the kids have these: Water bottle
But honestly, there are so many different kinds in the market, you will find one that suits your needs.
That way we can purchase big bottles of juice/tea or gatorade (whatever is your families favorite) (which is cheaper) or add canned soda (the hubby) to it and some ice from the cooler and you got drinks for way cheaper. If you were to buy drinks every single time you stop, you will spend a lot more and more than likely not drink anything healthy. I can't even tell you how many gas stations we stopped at had absolutely no horizon chocolate milk containers or diet ice tea. And since you are stopping to pee anyways, they are easy to wash in the bathroom sink.
3. Buying big containers of goldfish, pretzels, nuts, or whatever else you like to snack on is a lot cheaper than buying individual packages and separating them into little ziplock bags is a breeze. You can even go green and get the reusable ones or get little bowls like these ones : bowls
By dinner time you should be further enough away from home that there is a cool new restaurant you want to check it out go ahead. You have earned it.
Now if you are doing a trip in which you will be staying in a hotel for a couple days or longer, or during a PCS, a little preparation can save you not only money but also calories. So for that all you need to do is just pack some plates, bowls, silverwares to take with you and book a hotel that carries a fridge/microwave in the room. They are usually not more expensive at all and can save you money.
By the time you arrive in town, make a pit stop at walmart, and get some soups or steamable meals. Walmart or any grocery store is now carrying steamable meals. Everything from veggies, to rice and cheese, to rigatoni. They are usually lower in calories and a couple of minutes in the microwave means you have a decent meal for way less than what it would cost you to go out to eat. Also with a fridge, getting a quart of milk and cereal means you got breakfast for the duration of your trip.
So its absolutely possible to save money/calories during a road trip. Just takes a little imagination and some planning.
Moving on, when road tripping with kids doesn't have to be expensive. I make sure I always take snacks, and plan our meals. Eating out 3 times a day, plus snacks can get expensive and totally unhealthy. Through out all our moves and trips, I have learned a few tips, that will hopefully help you guys out.
1. Purchase a small cooler. That way you can fill it up with ice, take some sandwiches for the first meal of the trip, cheese strings, fruit, or whatever else tickles your fancy.
2. ziplock bags with snacks and sandwiches are a must. Usually we leave early in the morning after feeding the kids breakfast, then they eat the bags of snacks I have prepared, and by lunch we eat the sandwiches. We are not that far away from home anyways to want to eat anywhere that we want to check it out, so the sandwiches are easy and handy. Also before your trip, make sure you purchase some bottles for your kids and yourself. Dh and I have this one : Water bottle and the kids have these: Water bottle
But honestly, there are so many different kinds in the market, you will find one that suits your needs.
That way we can purchase big bottles of juice/tea or gatorade (whatever is your families favorite) (which is cheaper) or add canned soda (the hubby) to it and some ice from the cooler and you got drinks for way cheaper. If you were to buy drinks every single time you stop, you will spend a lot more and more than likely not drink anything healthy. I can't even tell you how many gas stations we stopped at had absolutely no horizon chocolate milk containers or diet ice tea. And since you are stopping to pee anyways, they are easy to wash in the bathroom sink.
3. Buying big containers of goldfish, pretzels, nuts, or whatever else you like to snack on is a lot cheaper than buying individual packages and separating them into little ziplock bags is a breeze. You can even go green and get the reusable ones or get little bowls like these ones : bowls
By dinner time you should be further enough away from home that there is a cool new restaurant you want to check it out go ahead. You have earned it.
Now if you are doing a trip in which you will be staying in a hotel for a couple days or longer, or during a PCS, a little preparation can save you not only money but also calories. So for that all you need to do is just pack some plates, bowls, silverwares to take with you and book a hotel that carries a fridge/microwave in the room. They are usually not more expensive at all and can save you money.
By the time you arrive in town, make a pit stop at walmart, and get some soups or steamable meals. Walmart or any grocery store is now carrying steamable meals. Everything from veggies, to rice and cheese, to rigatoni. They are usually lower in calories and a couple of minutes in the microwave means you have a decent meal for way less than what it would cost you to go out to eat. Also with a fridge, getting a quart of milk and cereal means you got breakfast for the duration of your trip.
So its absolutely possible to save money/calories during a road trip. Just takes a little imagination and some planning.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Hey right answer, stop running away from me. Please!!
Sometimes in life there is no right answer. No easy decision. No matter how much you think about it and try to figure things out, write out pros and cons lists, nothing happens and you are left even more confused than before.
My husband is gearing up to deploy for a whole year. I have to decide where to live. Currently we are in El Paso. Staying here is out of the question. I don't care for this place at all and can't wait to see it in my rearview mirror and never come back.
If I didn't have kids, the decision would be easy, I would throw everything in storage, pack it up and go home. I would rent a condo in Rio and be dotted on and cared for by my family. I would have people to hang out with 24/7, help out and feel less alone. But because I have kids things seems harder. The traffic in Brazil sucks. I don't know if I would be comfortable driving there and I am too Americanized to lugging 2 kids in a bus. And its another language that unfortunately my kids don't know it. While they could learn it easily, its my son's first year of kinder. It scares me to throw him in that.
My 2nd option would be to go to S Florida either buy or rent and live close to my parents. While its a wonderful time to buy, I feel horrible buying our first house alone. Its something the husband and wife should be doing together. Its a magical time and I am not comfortable doing it alone. So I could rent it a place and live there for a year. My parents would be close by, we could hang out the weekends, they help out with the kids often, and it would be just like last deployment. Except even though they helped out, I was still alone. They have their own life's their own tastes, and etc. I already did this option last year, and while it wasn't horrible, it wasn't perfect, hence why I am not jumping to go back.
My 3rd option would be to go live with my best friend in VA. We are like sisters, I love her with all my heart, we can spend 365 days talking and never run out of things to talk. She is my children's godmother, love them like their own, she has 2 kids of her own and they all get alone fine. Her husband is getting ready to get out of the Army and he might even go contracting with my dh, if he does, she will also be alone, but even if he does, she can't leave VA because she can't rent or sell her house for 3 years. Even if he doesn't deploy, he will get a new job, work during the day, and she is a housewife like me, so during the day we would be able to hang out. The con is that I have only visited VA. I never lived there before, but then again when I moved to Killeen, TX, NC and here, I hadn't even visited before, the only difference would be that this time I would be doing "alone", with no husband. Also it snows. But I would have her support and someone to hang out with all the time. I wouldn't be alone at all.
The bad thing about going there : It snows!!!! I have never really lived in a place that gets harsh winters. While its nothing like Alaska its definitely colder than Rio, Fl, NC or TX.
So you see where I am coming from?? There is pros and cons to every situation, there is really no wrong answer and no right answer. Just where I would think I would feel less lonely while we gear up for this 3rd deployment and what would be best for the kids.
Why does being a grown up sucks??
Love A
My husband is gearing up to deploy for a whole year. I have to decide where to live. Currently we are in El Paso. Staying here is out of the question. I don't care for this place at all and can't wait to see it in my rearview mirror and never come back.
If I didn't have kids, the decision would be easy, I would throw everything in storage, pack it up and go home. I would rent a condo in Rio and be dotted on and cared for by my family. I would have people to hang out with 24/7, help out and feel less alone. But because I have kids things seems harder. The traffic in Brazil sucks. I don't know if I would be comfortable driving there and I am too Americanized to lugging 2 kids in a bus. And its another language that unfortunately my kids don't know it. While they could learn it easily, its my son's first year of kinder. It scares me to throw him in that.
My 2nd option would be to go to S Florida either buy or rent and live close to my parents. While its a wonderful time to buy, I feel horrible buying our first house alone. Its something the husband and wife should be doing together. Its a magical time and I am not comfortable doing it alone. So I could rent it a place and live there for a year. My parents would be close by, we could hang out the weekends, they help out with the kids often, and it would be just like last deployment. Except even though they helped out, I was still alone. They have their own life's their own tastes, and etc. I already did this option last year, and while it wasn't horrible, it wasn't perfect, hence why I am not jumping to go back.
My 3rd option would be to go live with my best friend in VA. We are like sisters, I love her with all my heart, we can spend 365 days talking and never run out of things to talk. She is my children's godmother, love them like their own, she has 2 kids of her own and they all get alone fine. Her husband is getting ready to get out of the Army and he might even go contracting with my dh, if he does, she will also be alone, but even if he does, she can't leave VA because she can't rent or sell her house for 3 years. Even if he doesn't deploy, he will get a new job, work during the day, and she is a housewife like me, so during the day we would be able to hang out. The con is that I have only visited VA. I never lived there before, but then again when I moved to Killeen, TX, NC and here, I hadn't even visited before, the only difference would be that this time I would be doing "alone", with no husband. Also it snows. But I would have her support and someone to hang out with all the time. I wouldn't be alone at all.
The bad thing about going there : It snows!!!! I have never really lived in a place that gets harsh winters. While its nothing like Alaska its definitely colder than Rio, Fl, NC or TX.
So you see where I am coming from?? There is pros and cons to every situation, there is really no wrong answer and no right answer. Just where I would think I would feel less lonely while we gear up for this 3rd deployment and what would be best for the kids.
Why does being a grown up sucks??
Love A
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thank God for sick days!!
The sun is trying so hard to break through the clouds and this ice cold chill we got going on. There is a very small patch of light entering through my back door and illuminating the carpet creating this beautiful rainbow of colors. Its absolutely beautiful, but not as breathtaking as the little man laying on my lap.
I gently stoke his face and rub his hair. I reach down and rub his piggies, and his belly. Just yesterday he was born. Just yesterday he turned my whole world upside down, just yesterday he was a baby. How yesterday seems so long ago its beyond me!!!
I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. Its different. A mix of this new toothpaste and shampoo he asked me to buy bc they are for big boys and not the baby stuff his sister uses. What happened to his baby smell??
His face is different, his expressions are different, even the way he breaths when he is sleeping is different. I should know, I spent many hours rocking him to sleep or watching him sleep afraid he would stop breathing.
I live with him, I have spent the past 5 years caring for him, how could I have missed these changes?
I am a firm believer in postponing the laundry, dishes and cleaning, for just one hour of sitting on the floor with them or chasing each other around the house in order to get one more belly laugh before dinner calls.
I have rocked him to sleep, cared for him and nurtured him, yet somehow these changes crept up and transformed my baby into a little man.
I rarely get nostalgic, but today I am. He is always running, playing, jumping, go, go, go. I joke that he lives on fast forward mode. Sometimes he will stop his running to come give me a kiss, but most of the time, I have to run after him.
But not today. Today he doesn't feel good, his head has been bugging him, and even though he told his dad he wanted to go to school, we decided to keep him home. He wasn't happy, tried to convince us that he was perfectly fine, even though you could see it in his eyes. After some more argument, putting up a front saying he was a big boy and that only babies stay home, he agreed.
His sister is fine, so she went.
Not him. You can tell that my active teddy bear doesn't feel good. Even though his words will say one thing, his eyes betray him. So this is a rare moment. Extremely rare in his world. He is always fine, have a stomach of steel, and great genes. But not today. Today something caught him and has iron grips on him.
Today he laid on my lap to watch some tv, and after some protest that he was fine not tired and should be in school, he fell asleep on my lap. The little man that wakes up with the roosters and hasn't napped since 18 months old is napping in the middle of the day.
Looking at him sleeping on my lap, I had a vision of him as a teenager, and that warmed my heart and scared me at the same time.
I want to freeze time. Time is flying way too fast, too fast for me to keep up with it, even though I read all the quotes,self help books and really listened to the regrets of the elder. I was prepared, yet I somehow just missed my baby's transformation.
So yeah, while I will never wish for them to be in pain and would gladly take away all their pain, today I am thankful for this sick day. Today I am thankful that my little man is home and I was given one more opportunity to caress his face and his piggies, and rub his head and daydream of the days he was a baby.
I better hurry though, because just like everything else, this won't last, and pretty soon he will be off running in a new direction with all the stamina and drive in the world.
Love A
I gently stoke his face and rub his hair. I reach down and rub his piggies, and his belly. Just yesterday he was born. Just yesterday he turned my whole world upside down, just yesterday he was a baby. How yesterday seems so long ago its beyond me!!!
I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. Its different. A mix of this new toothpaste and shampoo he asked me to buy bc they are for big boys and not the baby stuff his sister uses. What happened to his baby smell??
His face is different, his expressions are different, even the way he breaths when he is sleeping is different. I should know, I spent many hours rocking him to sleep or watching him sleep afraid he would stop breathing.
I live with him, I have spent the past 5 years caring for him, how could I have missed these changes?
I am a firm believer in postponing the laundry, dishes and cleaning, for just one hour of sitting on the floor with them or chasing each other around the house in order to get one more belly laugh before dinner calls.
I have rocked him to sleep, cared for him and nurtured him, yet somehow these changes crept up and transformed my baby into a little man.
I rarely get nostalgic, but today I am. He is always running, playing, jumping, go, go, go. I joke that he lives on fast forward mode. Sometimes he will stop his running to come give me a kiss, but most of the time, I have to run after him.
But not today. Today he doesn't feel good, his head has been bugging him, and even though he told his dad he wanted to go to school, we decided to keep him home. He wasn't happy, tried to convince us that he was perfectly fine, even though you could see it in his eyes. After some more argument, putting up a front saying he was a big boy and that only babies stay home, he agreed.
His sister is fine, so she went.
Not him. You can tell that my active teddy bear doesn't feel good. Even though his words will say one thing, his eyes betray him. So this is a rare moment. Extremely rare in his world. He is always fine, have a stomach of steel, and great genes. But not today. Today something caught him and has iron grips on him.
Today he laid on my lap to watch some tv, and after some protest that he was fine not tired and should be in school, he fell asleep on my lap. The little man that wakes up with the roosters and hasn't napped since 18 months old is napping in the middle of the day.
Looking at him sleeping on my lap, I had a vision of him as a teenager, and that warmed my heart and scared me at the same time.
I want to freeze time. Time is flying way too fast, too fast for me to keep up with it, even though I read all the quotes,self help books and really listened to the regrets of the elder. I was prepared, yet I somehow just missed my baby's transformation.
So yeah, while I will never wish for them to be in pain and would gladly take away all their pain, today I am thankful for this sick day. Today I am thankful that my little man is home and I was given one more opportunity to caress his face and his piggies, and rub his head and daydream of the days he was a baby.
I better hurry though, because just like everything else, this won't last, and pretty soon he will be off running in a new direction with all the stamina and drive in the world.
Love A
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
*Moves the huge piles of papers to the side*
Hello world!!!
I am still alive. I don't feel very much alive but I still got a pulse, my heart is beating and my brain is mush. All is well.
I have been neglecting this blog and I am sorry. You see last year I turned 30 and decided I was going to pick a major and stick to it I don't care what it is, I need to finish. I graduated high school 11 years ago, have attended community college for who knows how long, collected a huge amount of credits, jumped from major to major with no end in sight.
Every time I mention I am going back to school someone has to hold their laughter. If I could be a student forever I would. I hated high school but love love college.
So I did some soul searching, researched some more and picked a path. I was going to give up on community college because moving every couple months is not feasible anymore and considering I have attended 3 community colleges in 3 different states, this path wasn't working for me.
I found a great university that is based out of Cali but has a satellite campus completely online. That means I can move 15 times in the next year and as long as I have internet, I can continue school. Considering moving 15 times in the next year seems feasible at this point in our lives, I signed up.
Then became the hard process of requesting all my transcripts. Then became the even harder part of actually picking a major.
Why oh why can't I major in paperwork or get a phd in typing or maybe a master's in eternal student?? Unfortunately none of those were offered, so I went with the next best thing BBA: Bachelor's in Business Administration.
I have no concentration because none of them interest me and they don't offer one in Health Administration. Graduating with a Bachelors without a concentration doesn't seem very smart. I am not sure if it is or if it isn't. I am just running with it at this point.
I applied for financial aid, and figured out I am 20 classes away from my degree. OMG!! That made this journey seem more doable. 20 classes might seem like a lot, but to me is just right there. If I kick it until high gear when dh deploys, I can possibly get my degree by the end of this year, beginning of next.
I took the leisure route, without wanting to, but somehow I will arrive at my destination. Way later than my peers, but at this point, I am just concentrating on the fact is I will have that dang degree. The rest the therapist will deal at another time ;)
The good thing about this school is they are very involved, they want you to succeed and offer every kind of help necessary. The bad thing is they are 8 week classes and extremely expensive.
You see when I started community college my dad paid for it providing I brought home good grades. After 2 years he had enough. I had jumped around from major to major and he wasn't going to pay for it anymore unless I picked something and stuck to it.
Enter my knight in shinning armor aka dh. School is not for him but he thinks its amazing I love it so much he has no problem paying for it. So for the next year on and off I worked and we both paid for it. After I left the work force, he started to pay for it. Granted we could only afford one or two classes per semester but I did.
A couple years later I took out my first pell grant. I got all my classes paid for my first semester of paralegal school. I was going to become a paralegal and that was it in my heart. I finished the semester with high grades and a realization that I never could become a paralegal. Too some time off and that brought us to the present day and time.
I got the pell grant but also had to take my first student loan because University is way more expensive that community college. (obvious fact here that the whole world knows except myself ;))
Well the pressure is on, my first class is : Statistics. holy fuck!!! I love Algebra and did extremely well in it. It was fun for me, I was thinking this was going to be the same. Yeah okay. I am drowning. Completely drowning. I spend hours and hours reading the text, watching the videos, and presentations, searching youtube, and I am still drowning.
Its making absolutely no sense to me. None!! but I am determined. I survive this I have 19 classes to go. I need this, so I am going to stuck to it. But OMG I doubt I will have any brain cells left by the end of the semester.
Thank God after this it seems smooth sailing with classes like Acct 2, Macro and mostly business related classes. None that will give me any major headaches. So survive this and you will be back on path is my new mantra.
That is the explanation for my absence. I promise once I get this or can fake it better, I will be back.
Have you ever had a class that made you feel like an idiot?? Share with me please. I need to know I am not alone ;)
PS: If you know anyone that rocks in Stats and want to make some extra money, send them my way ;)
Love A
I am still alive. I don't feel very much alive but I still got a pulse, my heart is beating and my brain is mush. All is well.
I have been neglecting this blog and I am sorry. You see last year I turned 30 and decided I was going to pick a major and stick to it I don't care what it is, I need to finish. I graduated high school 11 years ago, have attended community college for who knows how long, collected a huge amount of credits, jumped from major to major with no end in sight.
Every time I mention I am going back to school someone has to hold their laughter. If I could be a student forever I would. I hated high school but love love college.
So I did some soul searching, researched some more and picked a path. I was going to give up on community college because moving every couple months is not feasible anymore and considering I have attended 3 community colleges in 3 different states, this path wasn't working for me.
I found a great university that is based out of Cali but has a satellite campus completely online. That means I can move 15 times in the next year and as long as I have internet, I can continue school. Considering moving 15 times in the next year seems feasible at this point in our lives, I signed up.
Then became the hard process of requesting all my transcripts. Then became the even harder part of actually picking a major.
Why oh why can't I major in paperwork or get a phd in typing or maybe a master's in eternal student?? Unfortunately none of those were offered, so I went with the next best thing BBA: Bachelor's in Business Administration.
I have no concentration because none of them interest me and they don't offer one in Health Administration. Graduating with a Bachelors without a concentration doesn't seem very smart. I am not sure if it is or if it isn't. I am just running with it at this point.
I applied for financial aid, and figured out I am 20 classes away from my degree. OMG!! That made this journey seem more doable. 20 classes might seem like a lot, but to me is just right there. If I kick it until high gear when dh deploys, I can possibly get my degree by the end of this year, beginning of next.
I took the leisure route, without wanting to, but somehow I will arrive at my destination. Way later than my peers, but at this point, I am just concentrating on the fact is I will have that dang degree. The rest the therapist will deal at another time ;)
The good thing about this school is they are very involved, they want you to succeed and offer every kind of help necessary. The bad thing is they are 8 week classes and extremely expensive.
You see when I started community college my dad paid for it providing I brought home good grades. After 2 years he had enough. I had jumped around from major to major and he wasn't going to pay for it anymore unless I picked something and stuck to it.
Enter my knight in shinning armor aka dh. School is not for him but he thinks its amazing I love it so much he has no problem paying for it. So for the next year on and off I worked and we both paid for it. After I left the work force, he started to pay for it. Granted we could only afford one or two classes per semester but I did.
A couple years later I took out my first pell grant. I got all my classes paid for my first semester of paralegal school. I was going to become a paralegal and that was it in my heart. I finished the semester with high grades and a realization that I never could become a paralegal. Too some time off and that brought us to the present day and time.
I got the pell grant but also had to take my first student loan because University is way more expensive that community college. (obvious fact here that the whole world knows except myself ;))
Well the pressure is on, my first class is : Statistics. holy fuck!!! I love Algebra and did extremely well in it. It was fun for me, I was thinking this was going to be the same. Yeah okay. I am drowning. Completely drowning. I spend hours and hours reading the text, watching the videos, and presentations, searching youtube, and I am still drowning.
Its making absolutely no sense to me. None!! but I am determined. I survive this I have 19 classes to go. I need this, so I am going to stuck to it. But OMG I doubt I will have any brain cells left by the end of the semester.
Thank God after this it seems smooth sailing with classes like Acct 2, Macro and mostly business related classes. None that will give me any major headaches. So survive this and you will be back on path is my new mantra.
That is the explanation for my absence. I promise once I get this or can fake it better, I will be back.
Have you ever had a class that made you feel like an idiot?? Share with me please. I need to know I am not alone ;)
PS: If you know anyone that rocks in Stats and want to make some extra money, send them my way ;)
Love A
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011 in review
This year has been full of so much, I don't even know how to describe it.
The year started with me living in Fl with the kids while the hubby was in Afghanistan.
Feb he came home for leave and we took a week long trip to PA to see his family and made a stop in Virginia to visit the bestie. The kids got hugged by great aunts, we saw family that we haven't seen in a long time, had a family reunion, ate too much, drank even more and froze a little. We dodged a nasty snowstorm in W VA, and got to hug the bestie and the god children.
Little one turned 2 and we had a wonderful little party. Then hubby went back to Afghan.
March, April and May was busy with school, play dates, lazy days at the grandparents, just passing the time.
June brought me old age and the new decade. OMG I am 30!!!
July and August was about the same as March and April.
Sept the mess started. Hubby came home, and we went on a luxurious trip of a lifetime to Atlantis Bahamas. 4 days of delicious pina coladas, wonderful rides, sun, fun, and each other.
Then little man turned 5 and we started liking him so much more. He started listening better, helping out and it was finally our gift for not strangling him when he was going through his terrible 2's, horrible 3's and who the heck are you 4'?
Also mil and fil came into town and with my parents we headed over to Sea World. We stayed at this kick ass hotel, and everyone had too much fun.
Oct brought the news we were moving to end of the world El Paso, Texas.
In one week we packed and moved across country. How I survived I have no idea, but I do know it caused 3 strands of white hair :O
Oct and Nov was spent adjusting to the hubby home, both kids in school, living in dry land and trying to get used to the climate and all.
End of Nov was classified of life change decisions. I hoped on a plane, crossed a border and had vertical sleeve in Mexico.
Dec started with recuperation, falling in love with the hubby even more for all the ways he took care of me and decorating for Christmas.
Christmas was amazing with the children and my parents and some awesome friends.
This year has been a mix of calmness and out of this world life changes. 2012 won't be any different and I can't wait.
Love A
The year started with me living in Fl with the kids while the hubby was in Afghanistan.
Feb he came home for leave and we took a week long trip to PA to see his family and made a stop in Virginia to visit the bestie. The kids got hugged by great aunts, we saw family that we haven't seen in a long time, had a family reunion, ate too much, drank even more and froze a little. We dodged a nasty snowstorm in W VA, and got to hug the bestie and the god children.
Little one turned 2 and we had a wonderful little party. Then hubby went back to Afghan.
March, April and May was busy with school, play dates, lazy days at the grandparents, just passing the time.
June brought me old age and the new decade. OMG I am 30!!!
July and August was about the same as March and April.
Sept the mess started. Hubby came home, and we went on a luxurious trip of a lifetime to Atlantis Bahamas. 4 days of delicious pina coladas, wonderful rides, sun, fun, and each other.
Then little man turned 5 and we started liking him so much more. He started listening better, helping out and it was finally our gift for not strangling him when he was going through his terrible 2's, horrible 3's and who the heck are you 4'?
Also mil and fil came into town and with my parents we headed over to Sea World. We stayed at this kick ass hotel, and everyone had too much fun.
Oct brought the news we were moving to end of the world El Paso, Texas.
In one week we packed and moved across country. How I survived I have no idea, but I do know it caused 3 strands of white hair :O
Oct and Nov was spent adjusting to the hubby home, both kids in school, living in dry land and trying to get used to the climate and all.
End of Nov was classified of life change decisions. I hoped on a plane, crossed a border and had vertical sleeve in Mexico.
Dec started with recuperation, falling in love with the hubby even more for all the ways he took care of me and decorating for Christmas.
Christmas was amazing with the children and my parents and some awesome friends.
This year has been a mix of calmness and out of this world life changes. 2012 won't be any different and I can't wait.
Love A
Thursday, December 29, 2011
I am eating ice cream for lunch..
and I like it :)
After the weight loss surgery, I need to consume anywhere between 50-70 grams of protein. Since we can't eat that much, protein shakes are the fall back. If I had to drink one more protein shake I was going to shoot myself.
Thank God I am married to a wonderful man who had the bright idea of adding a scoop of protein to my greek yogurt. It became a chocolate pudding and life was better.
Life got even better when I stumbled upon theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. Yeah weird name, but she is the top chef of weight loss recipes. She had the gastric bypass, lost hundreds of pounds and did it eating well. She posted this recipe :
This should be illegal!!
Say what?? I don't have to down another protein shake, can eat ice cream for lunch without guilt?? OH you are my new hero.
Santa delivered an ice cream maker attachment for my kitchen aid and I got down to work. I still need to perfect the method but its absolutely delicious.
So yep, I am eating ice cream for lunch and life couldn't get any better :)
Also, after much pleading from the husband, I took a current picture and I guess he is right, 1 month and 17lbs does make a difference.
Now please ignore the craze look and the chapped lips. No amount of carmax can fix my lips in the winter and ignore the fact I am computer stupid and can't figure out how to make the picture smaller.
Love A
After the weight loss surgery, I need to consume anywhere between 50-70 grams of protein. Since we can't eat that much, protein shakes are the fall back. If I had to drink one more protein shake I was going to shoot myself.
Thank God I am married to a wonderful man who had the bright idea of adding a scoop of protein to my greek yogurt. It became a chocolate pudding and life was better.
Life got even better when I stumbled upon theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. Yeah weird name, but she is the top chef of weight loss recipes. She had the gastric bypass, lost hundreds of pounds and did it eating well. She posted this recipe :
This should be illegal!!
Say what?? I don't have to down another protein shake, can eat ice cream for lunch without guilt?? OH you are my new hero.
Santa delivered an ice cream maker attachment for my kitchen aid and I got down to work. I still need to perfect the method but its absolutely delicious.
So yep, I am eating ice cream for lunch and life couldn't get any better :)
Also, after much pleading from the husband, I took a current picture and I guess he is right, 1 month and 17lbs does make a difference.
Now please ignore the craze look and the chapped lips. No amount of carmax can fix my lips in the winter and ignore the fact I am computer stupid and can't figure out how to make the picture smaller.
Love A
Monday, December 26, 2011
Hindsight is 20/20
I should have let Santa bring my kids a puppy, or a convertible, or maybe a pony. That would have caused less headache than this..
Grandparents are just awesome aren't they??
Love A
Grandparents are just awesome aren't they??
Love A
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