Sooo weak....:(

I like to think my faith is strong and that I trust in God no matter what. Well I do and it is, unless something happens.

We took Juliet to the pediatrician on Friday for her 2 month well baby appointment and to get some shots. We were talking to the ped and after doing some tests, he confirmed what we already knew. It absolutly broke my heart. Knowing before, and then getting confirmed by a specialist its a very different feeling. On the way to the appointment the hubby and I talked and he pretty much broke down because he thought it was his fault since its his genes and etc and he remembered when he got the diagnose as a 3 yr old. I comforted him and told him the medicine is so much better today and etc and the fact that we are catching it early, she has that advantage.

Well as soon as the ped gave us the news I fell appart. What kind of faith is that? I know our God is good and he is there with us through everything. In my mind I know that and I know it in my heart, so why is that when my faith is tested, I fall apart??
I was soo frustrated. After a couple of days of thinking, I am better now and my heart is at ease and I know HE will see us through this and help us out. I am just dissapointment in myself that once more I failed. I so wish I had the unshakable faith that not even scary news like those that we got can affect me. But alas I am not strong. I am not there yet. All I can do now (asides from beating myself up) is keep on praying for a stronger faith. I am just happy our love for her hasnt changed one bit. We love her and will continue to no matter what.
So on the 5th we go see the specialist and hope he can give us some hope. Please if you all can share some prayers send them our way. We need them :)

Well the whole weekend went by in a daze. My parents came in on thursday afternoon and we had a bbq and drank some beer. Friday we went to Ju's appt and then to the store. After getting home and sharing the news with them, they were upset and the whole mood was kind of somber. But we still tried to have faith. My parents thinks everything will be okay. It wont be easy , the road will be hard and complicated with some heartache, but the fact that we caught so early, have kick arse insurance and medicine is so much better than what it was when hubby was a kid we had odds on our side. I sure do hope so.

Saturday morning we did the easter egg hunt. I told my parents we fill the plastic eggs and then make a trail for Tyler to find the big basket he had. They argued with me and said nope that is not how it works. So after cutting hundreds of bunny paws we set it up. We put the paws all over the place. Tyler had to follow the paws to find a couple of eggs together and then keep collecting the eggs on his basket until the paws led him to his big basket. It was comic. My house is not that big so imagine 3 adults following a very excited 2 yr old and trying to take pictures and bark orders and etc. Ohh boy.. But we did it and asides from 4 bad pictures, my father actually got some good pictures. He is going to send me and I will upload them. I had already taken them on Wed to get the bunny pictures at the mall and since they came out so crappy and cost me 20 freaking bucks, I didnt want to deal with anymore pictures this weekend..lol.

Keeping up with grandparents tradition, they completetly spoiled Tyler. Not only did he get a bunch of toys, he got 3 times his weight in chocolate. Unfreakinbeliveable!!.
Thank God I had good foresight to get him some books and coloring books and a couple toys and only a small bag of chocolate because I knew he was going to get soo many toys.
Ju also made out good. She got a bunch of bunnies and a couple of light up toys. Absolutly adorable. At this age she doesnt care but hopefully later on she will play with them.

So after arguing with my kid and rounding up all his candy and trying to explain to him that he cant eat all in one sitting, we took them to the park then later on just chilled around downing some Sangria and watching movies.
We watched the new Bond (Quantum Solace) and Slumdog Millionare ( Hubby and I loved it, my parents fell asleep during ). Unless there is action from beginning to end they will fall asleep on it.
On Sunday morning they left and we went to church. Their visit was good. Asides from a couple of critizism here and there, things went okay.
Sunday service was beautiful. Our Christ has Risen. How people cant believe that is beyond me. But anywyas this wont be a religious sermon...I promise :)

Today the hubby is off so last night we got another 12 pack and just drank some beers and shooted the shit (his words not mine..lol) until almost 1am. I miss that. We have been so busy latetly with the kids, and work and everything else, we havent had time for each other. So to just sit there and enjoy each others company was good.

Today morning came too fast. I woke up with a nice surprise and the reassurance I am not pregnant *wink wink. No seriouslly I was scared. Ju is over 2 months old. Even though we have been careful, I was worried. But today reassured me and the aunt arrived. So back on birth control I am until hubby get it together and we make the final decision.

Asides from doing laundry and starting on my third book ( I flew through Bright Lights Big Ass and Such a Pretty Fat(Lancaster), so now its a war book. I dont really care for war books and was going to start on another chic lit to continue the trend, but since my neighbor told me I have to read this book because it made him cry, I had to start on it and read it, since an Airborne soldier is admitting to crying to a book, that piqued my interest.

So that is that. I hope everyone had a good Easter and didnt gain too much :)

Love
A
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ps..Here is a couple things that also happened , so when I mention them in a later blog you arent lost..:

* Hubby bought a car for 100 bucks. A 95 Nissan Altima with a blown engine. The car is in great conditions and since we can get a new engine for under 1k and he can put it in it was a good deal and we need 2 cars again. So the end is near and I will have some freedom.
* I washed my husbands uniform and there was a pen inside. SO if in a later blog I mention I murdered him, you will know the facts that led up to it :)
*I decided to not do the FCC provider
* I decided to go to work
* I decided that I wont be able to work full time because Ju is too young and I will be worried
*I decided that I do want to work and that the kids will be fine and it will be good for me.
* I decided I will go to school full time..
* I decided to stop making decisions for a while :)

Take that arteries...

So..

After months of eating healthy and being faithful to our budget we decided to splurge tonight on a healthy, organic and wholesome dinner (aka Mcdonalds :D).
Its such a pretty place inside with all the delicious smells circulating the air. ( I am very strange. The only aroma that makes me happy and content is the one of food. Bad food. Anyother kind of fragance doesnt have the power to put me in a good mood as the aroma of deep fried artery clogging yumminess)..

I dont know what is it about not eating a juicy burger and crunchy fries for a while that when you finally do taste the goodness, it is like you are experiencing for the first time. It was heavenly. We sat outside so Ty could play in their huge ,know how to keep toddlers occupied, playground and devoured our food. It was soo freaking good because after not eating it for months, we felt we deserve the treat so we didnt worry about our cholesterol or waist lines. Our buttons might have groaned once or twice, but seriouslly who was listening to them anyways? Definetly not me. All my body was in tune to the delicious explossion of taste and smell it was going on around me. I was very content and satisfied. The husband didnt want to share his fries. He wasnt sure the next time we would be doing this again, so like a squirrel saving nuts for the winter, he stuffed them all inside his mouth making him look like a squirrel. Asshole. True love means sharing your friends. Those are lessons you learn in 3rd grade. Ohh well. I did steal one when our lovelly toddler fell while playing in the playground and above mentioned husband jumped to his feet first to rescue him. I am ashamed to admit I sat there for a minute or two waiting if I was going to hear a serious cry or see some blood or broken bones before prying myself away from my delicious fries. What?? Do I need to remind you again how long has it been since I had yummy goodness and how long will be since I will have them again? *maybe I should take a clue and shove them in my cheeks for the winter like those damn annoying ugly squirrels *..

But anyways, wonderful husband sprung to action, gave our son a hug and send him off to play. His injuries werent ones that required special attention and I like to think that because of my wonderful mothering intuition, I didnt get up and sprung into action. It was definetly mothering intuition, not my love for fries.
So while saving the kid, I stole a couple of his fries. His and our sons. Yep I stole fries while no one was looking. I am not ashamed to admit it. In any decision I make, I always have their best interest at heart. Many times theirs before mine, stealing a fry here and there is just a perk of my job. *wink

So after hours (it was only minutes unfortunatly) of savoring our delicious food and licking our fingers clean, we packed up and headed home. Full and completly satisfied looking fowards to the next time we will go back again.


(Yes I fucking blogged about my experience at McDonalds. Does it sound stupid or make me look like trash that McD's has become a place that brings such wonderful feelings? I dont give a flying-full-of-delicious-running-burger-juice finger :)


xoxox A