Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 in review

This year has been full of so much, I don't even know how to describe it.

The year started with me living in Fl with the kids while the hubby was in Afghanistan.

Feb he came home for leave and we took a week long trip to PA to see his family and made a stop in Virginia to visit the bestie. The kids got hugged by great aunts, we saw family that we haven't seen in a long time, had a family reunion, ate too much, drank even more and froze a little. We dodged a nasty snowstorm in W VA, and got to hug the bestie and the god children.

Little one turned 2 and we had a wonderful little party. Then hubby went back to Afghan.

March, April and May was busy with school, play dates, lazy days at the grandparents, just passing the time.

June brought me old age and the new decade. OMG I am 30!!!

July and August was about the same as March and April.

Sept the mess started. Hubby came home, and we went on a luxurious trip of a lifetime to Atlantis Bahamas. 4 days of delicious pina coladas, wonderful rides, sun, fun, and each other.

Then little man turned 5 and we started liking him so much more. He started listening better, helping out and it was finally our gift for not strangling him when he was going through his terrible 2's, horrible 3's and who the heck are you 4'?

Also mil and fil came into town and with my parents we headed over to Sea World. We stayed at this kick ass hotel, and everyone had too much fun.

Oct brought the news we were moving to end of the world El Paso, Texas.

In one week we packed and moved across country. How I survived I have no idea, but I do know it caused 3 strands of white hair :O

Oct and Nov was spent adjusting to the hubby home, both kids in school, living in dry land and trying to get used to the climate and all.

End of Nov was classified of life change decisions. I hoped on a plane, crossed a border and had vertical sleeve in Mexico.

Dec started with recuperation, falling in love with the hubby even more for all the ways he took care of me and decorating for Christmas.

Christmas was amazing with the children and my parents and some awesome friends.

This year has been a mix of calmness and out of this world life changes. 2012 won't be any different and I can't wait.

Love A

Thursday, December 29, 2011

I am eating ice cream for lunch..

and I like it :)

After the weight loss surgery, I need to consume anywhere between 50-70 grams of protein. Since we can't eat that much, protein shakes are the fall back. If I had to drink one more protein shake I was going to shoot myself.

Thank God I am married to a wonderful man who had the bright idea of adding a scoop of protein to my greek yogurt. It became a chocolate pudding and life was better.

Life got even better when I stumbled upon theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. Yeah weird name, but she is the top chef of weight loss recipes. She had the gastric bypass, lost hundreds of pounds and did it eating well. She posted this recipe :

This should be illegal!!

Say what?? I don't have to down another protein shake, can eat ice cream for lunch without guilt?? OH you are my new hero.

Santa delivered an ice cream maker attachment for my kitchen aid and I got down to work. I still need to perfect the method but its absolutely delicious.

So yep, I am eating ice cream for lunch and life couldn't get any better :)

Also, after much pleading from the husband, I took a current picture and I guess he is right, 1 month and 17lbs does make a difference.


Now please ignore the craze look and the chapped lips. No amount of carmax can fix my lips in the winter and ignore the fact I am computer stupid and can't figure out how to make the picture smaller.

Love A

Monday, December 26, 2011

Hindsight is 20/20

I should have let Santa bring my kids a puppy, or a convertible, or maybe a pony. That would have caused less headache than this..

Grandparents are just awesome aren't they??

Love A

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Almost wordless Tuesday..

Pinterest and crafty husband made this happen.....

Now Pinterest and uncrafty wife needs to make some floor pillows happen ;)

Thursday, December 15, 2011


"A Thousand Words Can't Bring You Back,
I Know Because I Tried
And Neither Can a Million Tears
I Know Because I Cried."
~Author Unknown

I have a lot of friends going through the horrible heartbreak of infertility/ miscarriage. Its one of the hardest thing a couple will go through.

Wanting a child is a feeling that will take over your whole life. Once you get bitten by the bug, there is no looking forward or backwards until you have that child. Its a desire to nurture, care and love.
You think its going to be easy because infertility is not really talked about. At least it wasn't 5 years ago. Thank God nowadays its in the news, and more talked about. Talking about it helps so others don't feel alone.

I dealt with a lot of feelings of being alone. Everyone I knew was pregnant, unwanted pregnancies, wanted pregnancies, whatever. I remember sitting on the floor sobbing after a friend told me her dog gave birth to 5. Oh yeah that made me sob. How could a dog give birth to 5 and myself not even be able to get pregnant with one?? What is wrong with me?? is it because for years I tried to avoid pregnancy and cried a few times when my period was late?? Was it because until age 23 I said I never wanted kids? Was it because I thought the neighbors daughter was the little devil? Was it because I looked down on moms at the store that their child were misbehaving and in my high horse of being childless was sure I was never going to be that kind of mom?? Was it the cigarets I was smoking or the diet coke and coffee I couldn't give up?? Would my husband leave me if I can never give him a child??

These were some insane thoughts that ran through my head at the time. I honestly thought I had done something to cause this pain.

You see when a woman gets a positive, that child steals your heart. You start to make plans and realize your life will never be the same after. So when you miscarry, its the death of a child and having to bury a child, no matter how old is something no parent should ever do.

I remember reading a quote somewhere that stuck with me it said "ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a good mommy. I always thought the "good" would be hard, never once did I imagine it would be the "mommy" part" anonymous.

Also waiting every month for a positive, going through so many tests, shots, pills that will screw you up mentally and physically just to nudge your body into doing what everyone else can do without a problem is very trying to say the least.

Every month that you don't get a positive, it chips a bit at your soul. It robs you so many emotions like a carefree pregnancy. If God willing you do end up getting pregnant, every pain, every twist and turn you end up worrying yourself sick. At the sight of blood you will honestly freak out. Oh no what is going on what did I do??

Even though I now have 2 kids that brings me joy everyday, the memories are forever in my mind. I remember the worried nights, the tears I shed, the pain, the heartbreak, and everything else that accompanies this trial.

I got very lucky, and as my friends go through this, I want to tell each and every one of them, that they too can get through this and find happiness on the other side.

I want to console them. I want to tell them that all this pain will one day be worth it. That one day they will be rocking their newborn, smelling their sweet smell and finally understand why you put yourself through every thing that you did. That every single tear will be worth it. I want to give them my eggs, and my tubes, and all dust I have left. I want a stork delivering a cute bundle of joy to them right now so they can love it and appreciate it. But I know I can't do none of that.

I can't promise them a baby, I can't guarantee that they will get that most desired positive test and have a healthy joyful pregnancy because I don't know it. Sometimes no matter how much or how long you wish for something, it doesn't happen.

So the only thing I can do is reassure them that they are not alone. That even though I am in a different path right now, I have walked the dark path they are walking now and I remember. I remember it all and unfortunately its a path some of us have to walk in other to get to the other side.

Also I can think about you often, pray for you often and offer a lending ear. I know its not nearly the same, but my hope its that the little bit will build to make it enough. So that you can walk through this path without lots of stumbles, with your head held high, and your heart guarded a bit more, but walk through it, because maybe just maybe there is hope at the end of the tunnel, there is light.

Love A

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

"How are you???"

I believe "How are you?" is the most common question in the English language and yet the most complex.

When someone asks "how are you?" are they being polite or do they really want to know ?

Whey they ask that question, do they mean physically or emotionally?

Well, I just have had surgery, nonetheless in a third world country. Shocking to many, so of course all of my friends have asked me "how are you?" or any variations of that. I know they ask because they care and I only answer in the physically part of it.

So, how am I??

Well physically I am wonderful. I got really lucky and knock on wood no plane crashes, no pulmonary embolism, no infections, no leaks. Yeah a big risk I took, I know. But physically I couldn't be better. The first couple of days were hard. To be honest, the first two weeks. Your new stomach is so small, you can't take a gulp, if you do it will hurt, you will feel a pressure going down. You have to sip, sip, sip and if 30 years of habit gets to you, and you take a gulp while driving and not paying attention, you will pay for it. Trust me , I know ;)

Eating was hard also. You are on a clear liquid diet for the first wk or 2 in order to allow your new stomach to heal and to not put unnecessary pressure on your staples. Its not a big deal because you are not hungry really considering half a cup of chicken broth have the power to feel you up, its just boring and tedious.

Friday, I removed my own stitches. I know I rock like that ;) and started feeling much better. I can now take a gulp and while it will go down square, its not as uncomfortable. I have moved to stage 2 of the diet and can now have scrambled eggs, and soft wedges of cheese to my diet and mashed potatoes. How exciting!!!!

So yeah physically I am doing wonderful, but emotionally I am a wreck.

You see, almost everyone looses 20 lbs within the first week of this and then stall for a bit, then start up again. The first month though your average weight loss is 17-20 lbs depending on how heavy you are. If you are heavier, of course you will loose more. Also it takes a while for you to heal and your body to get out of shock and do what is supposed to do. You got to understand they pump you full of gas, cut a piece of your stomach, anesthesia, you name it. Everyone is different.

I have lost a grand total of 10 lbs in 2 wks. Very depressing. Wait what?? well I was expecting more, and therefore I am a bit disappointed. I could have lost that in a crash diet and saved my money. Except, I would have probably gained all of it in the following week and with this, I doubt I will be gaining anything considering the most I could eat in a day would equal to less than 800 calories. Seriously there isn't that many calories in chicken broth, or eggs or protein shakes to add up.

So for a while, I was freaking out. I think old fears of failing started to creep back up, I mean I can't count how many diets/life changes I tried and failed, why will this be any different??

After a kick in the ass from the hubby and some reassuring words from my friends, I have come to realize 10 lbs is good. Its a wonderful start and this is working. Maybe slowly than others but it is working, and besides I am not competing with anyone.

This has also made me realize I have a ton of baggage when it comes to my weight, baggage that I need to deal with it and figure it out.

So when you ask me the next time "how are you??" and I say "fine". I honestly mean it, physically of course, because you don't want to hear about how fucked up in the head this is and how stressed and scared I am, do you really??

Much love A

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Hey, it's okay :

1. To spend all day cuddling on the couch with your children while the dust bunnies multiply

2. To sing off key at the top of your lungs and not care who is watching.

3. To tell your husband you have a headache, let him handle the children bathtime routine while you go cuddle with your kindle.

4. To want, need and miss your mommy. Never too old to get hugs and cuddles from mommy.

5. To hand over the kitchen to your father every holiday, because no matter what, he is an amazing cook.

6. To send your husband silly text messages during the day just to bug him.

7. To build a fort with your kids and then wrestle around while the dishes are still in the sink

8. To make a mean face and shoot your son in the bootie with the nerf gun even though you have said a million times "NO shooting inside the house"

9. To ignore the laundry while you spend all day in the kitchen baking your family's favorite. Who needs clean underwear anyways when they got a full happy tummy??

10. To not put your child back in bed in the middle of the night, because even though they sleep like they are making snow angels, there is nothing more wonderful than cuddling with your babies

11. To put your cold feet underneath your husbands warm leg and smack him when he complains

12. To eat french toast for dinner. Spinach, balanced, nutritious is just too boring 7 days a week.

13. To let your children stay up late just because they called you "the most beautiful princess ever"

14. To feel blessed and not ashamed of it.

15. To ignore phone calls and text messages while you are still trying to get that dang third star in Angry Birds.

16. To love God, Jesus, be thankful you are saved and have no shame of it.

(Joining in with Amber at : )

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Ti's the season

I love Christmas. Love it. Its my absolutely favorite time of the year. I love the crowds, the hot chocolate, the decorations, buying presents, tinsel, mistletoe almost everything except the weather. You see growing up in the southern hemisphere, Christmas comes smack dab in the middle of the summer and nothing screams Christmas more than sitting in a beach in 90 weather drinking caipirinha and eating fried fish. Ahh the good old days!!

When we moved to Florida it was considered winter except S Florida winter is a joke. More like fall. Texas wasn't that bad, a couple of chilly days here and there. Our first real Christmas movie experience came when we were in N Carolina. 3-4' of snow on the ground before, during and after Christmas. I sled for the first time 7 months pregnant at the ripe young age of 27. It wasn't bad, just different. I enjoyed boots and sweaters and scarfs.

This year El Paso is constant nippy weather. We don't have inches and inches of snow, but its been low 40's for a while now. My children now own a down jacket, gloves and hats that I just We also lit the fireplace and have plans on drinking hot chocolate and just enjoying it.

Right before surgery I decorated the house and bought almost every present I needed to because I knew I wasn't going to be feeling it up to.

Well I came back in town Friday and by Saturday 4 days post op I was itching to do all the fun Christmas stuff I do every year. The cold weather didn't deter me. I dragged everyone downtown for the annual tree lighting and parade, spent a ridiculous amount of money on 2 light up swords that they broke less than 24 hours later, took some sips of my husband's hot chocolate and felt the beginning of frostbite, but the excitement on my childrens face when that fire department came, was it all worth it. Besides the docs told me to walk, walk, walk. They pump you with so much gas, you got to walk it out to release so it was all worth it.

But no that wasn't enough Christmas yet. Today I dressed both children up in their hand picked outfit that I have obsessed over for months just for this special occasion (Christmas outfits are a big deal around here ;)) sat them in front of the tree and took some pictures. Uploaded and now cards are ordered and they will go out this week. That has to be a new record for us.

Still feeling the spirit, I figured they are dressed up why not. We ate a yummy soup to warm out bellies and protect us against the cold that is outside. We fought the crowds paid an insane amount of money that I complain about every year, but still do it every year, and sat them on Santa's lap. Bribed them with many ponies and cookies and got our yearly Christmas photo with Santa.

and now I am It was a wonderful couple days and totally worth it. For the rest of the day I will sit in my couch, in my comfy jammies, while the husband deals with dinner, baths and etc, and I will gaze at our Santa Pictures through the years and just enjoy this season.

Santa Picture 2011:

Sneak peak of Christmas cards :

Much Love A