HERE COMES 2010 :)

Usually by the end of the year I am nostalgic, I dont want the new year to start because that means I will be getting older, my babies will be older and leave this wonderful baby stage.

This year?? I wish I had a time machine and skipped 09. 2009 Sucked big time. It has trully been the worse year of my life. How we made through everything I dont know. Taking out the birth of my daughter, I could have done away with 09. But its done, we made it through and as midnight nears, my hopes have been reinstate that 2010 will be better and bring out wonderful things.

:)

I will leave you with lyrics to my favorite song that can explain it better than I could!

Love a



ONE REPUBLIC "Stop and Stare"
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...

Not another Christmas blog....

I have read too many Christmas blogs in the past couple days. I will spare you of another one.

Let just say this Christmas I sinned with glutonny and practiced patience. Yep you guessed it right. We went to my parents ;)


I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. If you didnt, you didnt drink enough!


Love A

Counting my blessings..

About 4 years ago, this time of the year was a dark one for me. I had a misscariage a couple months before and was trying to get pregnant with no luck at all. In my stupidity I definetely thought Santa was going to bring me a baby. The only thing I wanted more than anything else in this world. My period arrived 1 wk before Christmas and it devastaded me. I was misserable. I know the whole count your blessings, be thankfull for what you have and that everything happens at the right time, have faith in God and so forth. But when a woman desires to have a child, none of that matters. It matters but that desire, that need is stronger than anything else you ever felt. Your whole body physically hurts, your heart aches, and your soul seems empty :( . Infertility is one of the hardest things I ever dealt with in life. Harder than anything else. It will test your faith, your marriage, and every relationship you ever had (sorry kind of hard to smile and congratulate Suzie who got pregnant again without even trying or even wanting that child, when you are sitting there doing math calculations about temps, dpo and so forth). But you somehow find a way to put a smile in your face and move on. Foward we go!

I remeember sitting there one night right before Christmas crying because I was doing a search for something and read a quote that said :"I always dreamed of being a good mom. I thought the "good" would be the hard, not the mom". That struck a cord with me and made me cry so much. Why me? Why cant I be a mom? What have I done? Who did I piss off?? Was it because I didnt take care of Barbie well enough when I was 5? (never said I was thinking sane thoughts ;) ).

Well, somehow I survived through that Christmas and you know what?? January 15th I got my positive. Those 2 pink lines. OMG! Nothing mattered anymore. I was pregnant. The memories of that Christmas although faint still haunts me.

So as Christmas comes around again, and the kids are driving me nuts, and there is so much to do, so much shopping to accomplish, clothes to be bought, lines to be stood at for hours on end, and all the stress of the holiday, I try to stop and praise the Lord because there was a reason HE made me wait. I probably wont understand until much later, but one lesson from that I took. In the end HE is faithful. In the end, HE had a plan for me on his schedule, not mine. And my wish this year, is that HE also has a plan for you guys my friends who are dealing with it. I know your time seems like it will never come, but it will and if it doesnt, you will get peace of mind. Just have faith. I am praying for all of you and you know prayer is powerful :)

Much Love
A

Almost wordless wednesday ....

Even babies have bad hair days....



But no worries...your brother the one who feeds you peanut butter, gives you candy, drags you through the house, pulls you up, pulls you down, makes you smile and let you bite his toes, still loves you :