While a couple important things have happened, these past couple of weeks in my life has been all about me trying to decide where will my life go next.
I did get my interview scheduled for my naturalization. May 7th I will go in and take the test and swear and become a US citizen. To be able to put this behind me and not have to deal with USCIS again will be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I cant wait.
I have also decided I need a degree. We are supossed to be here for 3 years, plenty of time for me to buckle down and get a bachelors in something. My issue? I have no clue what. I have finally decided nursing is not for me. No matter how much I want, think I would be good at, is a good paying job and secure, its not for me. So back to the drawing board I go trying to figure what the hell in the world would make me happy. I was thinking Spanish teacher, but to teach forever I dont know. Then maybe bussiness in healthcare management, but I really dont know. I dont have a passion for absolutly nothing and that is so sad and pathetic. Until I figure out what I want to do, I keep taking classes and wasting time and money and the more time passes the more depressed about this whole thing I get. Its a vicious cycle :(.
The kids are doing good. Ty is a trip latetly with all the stuff he is learning. His favorite new phrase is "not yet". Anything you ask him he will answer with "not yet" even if "not yet" is not an acceptable answer. He has been doing great with the potty training and by next month we should be able to send him to preschool if thinks works out with Scottys job.
Ju is still not smiling at almost 7 wks old. That is upsetting me so much. I dont know why. I think its the hormones and this new antidepressant. Who knows? I just know that right now taking care of my husband/house/kids are the only thing that gives me a sense of accomplishment since professionally, I am not going anywhere. So the fact that she is not smiling makes me think she is not happy at all which breaks my heart in a million pieces. I trully do hope she will smile soon. I dont know how much more of this I can take :(. Asides from that, she is doing great. She eats, sleeps and has a pretty good personality. TY is up her face all day long and she takes it in stride. always checking him out and never crying even when I know he is bugging her.
Now on to Scotty. Ohh my lovelly husband. I love him with all my heart and we have been getting along great, but he is not doing too good either.
He is in a unit that he wont deploy for 3 yrs but on he other hand, they are an EOD unit and dont have that many trucks so he doesnt get to turn wrenches. He has the choice to go to a unit that has a very quick rotation (82nd) but he will get to turn wrenches. We had a very long heart to heart and he did explain to me that when he deployed last time, because he was leaving rigth before Ty was born, he convinced himself it was for the best and he needed to take care of his country and I guess he did such a good job at convincing himself, that now he cant let it go. He is extremelly happy he is here for Ju and have gotten to experience this phase, but at the same time he is feeling uselless. Being a soldier, part of your job is to deploy and he figures he is not doing his job, on top of being in a unit where hey doesnt turn wrenches and doesnt get to show his abilities, he is pretty misserable.
I will support him in whatever he wants to do. I understand where he is coming from and even though a deployment will suck with 2 kids, I can do it.
So that is pretty much what has been going on. I am trying to decide if I want to become an FCC provider since we need extra income to pay off cc's and that way I can make tha extra money and stay at home with the kids or not. I think I am going to do the course (1 wk in may) just to have it. If he does change units and deploy, I will have to give my all to the kids since they will only have one parent, so working will be out of the quesion. If he doesnt change units , then I will start taking care of kids and hopefully get out of the cc's because they are bugging me.
So we will see. I been trying to have faith and know everything will somehow work itself out, and some days I do such a good job, other days I am just barerlly holding it.
Whatever will be will be right?