Get a pen and paper you will need it...I will wait..
1. watch the youtube video on how to clean such turkey before trying to do it, or you will end up missing something
2. dont try to rip the bag of junk from the turkey while its still frozen. It will rip and make you gag
3. when you grab a turkey that has olive oil all over, to move it back to the sink because you realized there is another cavity with another bag full of yucky stuff, such turkey will slip off your hands, roll over on the floor, hit your dd that is quietly crawling and make her cry
4. Having a huge naked turkey fall off your hands slide through the floor and hit your 9 month old making her cry and possibly traumatizing her for life, is not the way to make her 1st thanksgiving memorable.
5. Trying to wash a 13lb turkey on a small sink will end up soaking you and everything else around
6. you have to tie your turkey legs together or he will look like he was gang raped after he is done cooking
7. after your toddler eats 2 servings, dont ask him if he liked it. He will tell you he didnt like it, that he told you 3 times already he wanted burger and fries and you didnt listen.
8. All those years when my father offered to teach me to cook a turkey I should have listened
9. If you repeat "OMG I am touching a turkeys vagina" while doing it, you can bet your bottom dollar on it that hours later your 3 yr old will sing "turkey vagina..turkey vagina" over and over
10.Wine helps me laugh at this mess today instead of years from now
I hope everyone had a happy wonderful great thanksgiving and that you will learn from my stupidity in the kitchen.. :)
Leaving you with a few pictures...
Before *BRUISED BUT READY
After.. not great looking but absolutetly delicious
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