The sun is trying so hard to break through the clouds and this ice cold chill we got going on. There is a very small patch of light entering through my back door and illuminating the carpet creating this beautiful rainbow of colors. Its absolutely beautiful, but not as breathtaking as the little man laying on my lap.
I gently stoke his face and rub his hair. I reach down and rub his piggies, and his belly. Just yesterday he was born. Just yesterday he turned my whole world upside down, just yesterday he was a baby. How yesterday seems so long ago its beyond me!!!
I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. Its different. A mix of this new toothpaste and shampoo he asked me to buy bc they are for big boys and not the baby stuff his sister uses. What happened to his baby smell??
His face is different, his expressions are different, even the way he breaths when he is sleeping is different. I should know, I spent many hours rocking him to sleep or watching him sleep afraid he would stop breathing.
I live with him, I have spent the past 5 years caring for him, how could I have missed these changes?
I am a firm believer in postponing the laundry, dishes and cleaning, for just one hour of sitting on the floor with them or chasing each other around the house in order to get one more belly laugh before dinner calls.
I have rocked him to sleep, cared for him and nurtured him, yet somehow these changes crept up and transformed my baby into a little man.
I rarely get nostalgic, but today I am. He is always running, playing, jumping, go, go, go. I joke that he lives on fast forward mode. Sometimes he will stop his running to come give me a kiss, but most of the time, I have to run after him.
But not today. Today he doesn't feel good, his head has been bugging him, and even though he told his dad he wanted to go to school, we decided to keep him home. He wasn't happy, tried to convince us that he was perfectly fine, even though you could see it in his eyes. After some more argument, putting up a front saying he was a big boy and that only babies stay home, he agreed.
His sister is fine, so she went.
Not him. You can tell that my active teddy bear doesn't feel good. Even though his words will say one thing, his eyes betray him. So this is a rare moment. Extremely rare in his world. He is always fine, have a stomach of steel, and great genes. But not today. Today something caught him and has iron grips on him.
Today he laid on my lap to watch some tv, and after some protest that he was fine not tired and should be in school, he fell asleep on my lap. The little man that wakes up with the roosters and hasn't napped since 18 months old is napping in the middle of the day.
Looking at him sleeping on my lap, I had a vision of him as a teenager, and that warmed my heart and scared me at the same time.
I want to freeze time. Time is flying way too fast, too fast for me to keep up with it, even though I read all the quotes,self help books and really listened to the regrets of the elder. I was prepared, yet I somehow just missed my baby's transformation.
So yeah, while I will never wish for them to be in pain and would gladly take away all their pain, today I am thankful for this sick day. Today I am thankful that my little man is home and I was given one more opportunity to caress his face and his piggies, and rub his head and daydream of the days he was a baby.
I better hurry though, because just like everything else, this won't last, and pretty soon he will be off running in a new direction with all the stamina and drive in the world.
Love A
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