Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The secret to being an amazing mom...

Do you want to know the secret to being an amazing mother it is?? Knowing your limitations. Sounds simple doesn't it?? Yet it is that simple.

Let me share a back story and explain. Back in June 2001 I was a newly engaged woman ready to walk down the aisle a couple of months later, know it all 20 year old, when the case of Andrea Yates made headlines. For those who don't know Andrea Yates was a Texas woman accused of drowning her 5 children in the bathtub of her house.
This happened exactly one week before my 21 st birthday and when I heard the news I was appalled. What a monster. How could she possibly do that to her children? She definitely deserves the death penalty.

Oh I was a judgmental little shit, just like many woman are before they have kids. They are amazing know- it -alls full of theories and ideas. But don't worry, all it takes is one colicky baby and a deployed husband to wake their asses up and bring them down to reality for them to realize "OH shit I think I am fucking this up and I don't know as much as I thought I did".

Yep it happened to me and will happen to every other one out there. Its just one of those dirty little secrets no one talks about it. I don't care who you are, what kind of patience you have or how many books you have read: You are up for the umpteen time in a night with a crying child running on no sleep and lots of tears, and your mind will wander to dark places.
 Whatever happened to Andrea Yates could happen to any one of us at any time.

 You know why it doesn't happen more often?? Because we all learn our limitations early on. We all can think, process and realize we are close to an abysm, this is not the route we want to go, so we back away from it, ask for help, cry to our spouse, our mommies, our friends. We sit in a corner with a pint of ben and jerks flipping through "DR Know it all" latest bestseller trying desperately to find answers or comfort. Knowing our limitations is the only way to keep us sane and keep our children alive. 

Everyone has heard of the term "Keeping up with the Jones", well in the mommy world there should be a term called "Keeping up with Susie fucking homemaker". With the world of Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram and etc, its very easy to get sucked into this idea that you are a shitty mom if you don't:

*Wake up with an amazing disposition every day instead of grumbling and wondering why the fuck didn't you go to bed at 8pm like they do??

*cook organic breakfast on BPA free containers instead of the reality of handing them a sugar laced pop tart

*Send in origami shaped healthy lunches instead of the easy luncheables they love

* tell your child you love them 10 times before walking out the door instead of the normal "Move your ass or you are going to be late and I am not driving your ass to school " popular phrase

*send them to the best rated school in the country instead of just a decent school that is not next to the local strip club

*clean your house from top to bottom during the day instead of surfing the web and reading Perez Hilton.

* Greet them at the door with love and affection instead of getting on them about ripping yet another pair of shoes and so on and so on and so on.

 I seriously don't know why aren't we all rocking in a corner crying and just putting up our children for adoption because no one can possibly meet these fucking standards set so high by some mommies drunk on wine and prozac.

 You know why we are not doing that?? Because we have learned our limitations. Its okay if he eats a pop tart for breakfast today but I am going to make him a veggie laced casserole for dinner. I don't send origami shaped lunch but I don't beat his ass with a wooden spoon and twist his arm until it breaks, so he will be okay and not traumatized because there were no angry bird shaped sandwich on his lunchbox. We realize that even though we are not the best mother in the world, we are always trying and striving to do better day in day out, tuck here, fix there, adjust here. By constantly worrying about the way things are going, already proves we are pretty awesome.

 So why is it that in my generation some moms are not learning about their limitations and deciding they can homeschool ??

 "Oh hell no she didn't go there"

 Yeah I was worried about talking about this subject, but it needs to be talked about. So I am zipping up my flame suit now.

 "Yep she did"

 While I do think almost every mother out there is trying the best for her child and has their best interest in mind, I think some of them are running on misguide. Not everyone was born with the patience to have 7 kids, some are and are amazing at it, but most aren't. That is the same thing with teaching. Not everyone was born to be a teacher. Some are and are really doing a wonderful thing for their child at home, but most aren't.

 Why do teachers need a bachelors degree an some on job training before they can even be left alone in a classroom?? Its for the reason to see if they can cut it.

 So why don't you know your limitation?? That with just an associates degree and making grammar error filled posts on Facebook and spending thousands of hours on Pinterest, you are not cut out to teach??

 Its okay, it doesn't make you a bad mom. Honestly, it really doesn't. I think I am a pretty good mom but only because I know my limits.

 I know two children are my limits, if God gave me 6 kids, I am not sure all 6 would still be alive and healthy today. I learned early on that no child would die by being left to cry in their room for 5 minutes, but if mommy didn't decompress and soon, terror could ensue for sure. I definitely know I don't have what it takes to homeschool just like I don't have what it takes to live in Alaska. If I were to attempt either, I am sure I would somehow find a way to do it, but it would be with a lot of pain, frustration and it definitely wouldn't be the best for anyone.

 So why can't you just accept your limits and really do what is best for your child which is to put them in a dang school and supplement with tutors or whatever it is that you have to?? Why this need to homeschool for absolutely no reason at all just to say that you do it too?

 Find what you are good at, where you can rock at being an amazing mom and run with that. Don't try to keep up with Suzie fucking homemakers. Your child deserves better than that.

 Love A

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