Happiness in the midst of so much sadness..

On Friday after just done baking a german chocolate cake, I sat down to watch the news and learned about the overwhelming sadness that descendent upon Conn. I had legs to shave, food to finish making, house to finish cleaning because after 9 long months my husband was on his transatlantic flight on the way home to spend 20 days filled with fun.

I was so happy and excited about my husband coming home yet I had tears rolling down my face after trying to comprehend what going on in an elementary school states away. A school just like the one I had sent my son to that exact same morning.

Did I tell him I loved him?? Have I been kissing him enough?? If he were to die today, would there be any unsaid words left?? Probably, and that broke my heart.

I cried, and cried some more for those children, those parents, the gunman's family that will forever have to live with the realization they raised a killer, the community, the country, I cried for them all and then I remembered... the only way to make the dead proud is to live. Live a full life and try to not take anything for granted.

Various parents did the same thing. They gave their children extra hugs when they came off the bus, they remembered to tell them they loved them, they gave them an extra cookie for dessert, they read an extra bedtime story and they promised themselves to not take anything for granted anymore.

I did the same, I got dressed, shaved my legs, picked up my children up from the bus stop, and picked my husband up from the aiport. Happy that we get 20 days to spend. Happy that he is alive and I have more time to tell him how much I love him and appreciate him, instead of sad its only 20 days.

In the next 20 days we have millions of things to do, and my resolve to not take anything for grant again might falter. I might get mad at my husband for putting socks on the couch, or upset my children spilled something for the millionth time, I am not perfect, but I am thankful I got one more chance to do it right, and you will be dammed if I waste it :)

Love A

Busy busy / iphone dump

This month things have been crazy. Its the last month before R&R, my nerves are shot and I am so ready for him to be home.

Because of all of this, I have crammed way too much this past month and kept record of it with my phone. So here is the dump...

Enjoy!!!

        1. I got my nose pierced : 

 2. I bought a shirt to wear for Christmas but hate the way my belly looks into it so now I got to find a good sucky thing! I need plastic surgery so so bad. I seriously need to get over the fear and just get it done!!!!!

 3. I bought dh's clone :)

 4. I learned how to dress my daughter in below 40 temps!!

 5. I took pictures of gorgeous fall trees.

 6. I survived 5 days at home w/ the kids over the thanksgiving holiday.

 7. I had the bright idea of buy magnetic boards and get all these magnets off my fridge and into a somewhat work of art!

 8. I borrowed ideas from pinterest and made a Christmas card holder

 9. I tried one dress

 10. and I tried another dress and I still don't have an outfit for homecoming. Commence stress in 5,4,...

 11. I baked and a lot. Kneading dough for shortbread cubes does wonder for my soul. Ignore the fact they look funny. I didn't find my pin roller (in dd room. My daughter is always stealing my kitchen utensils) until after.

 12. We celebrated Thanksgiving

 13. We took pictures for Christmas cards. 10 fails, promises of donuts and sugars and we finally got a good one. No this is not it ;)

14. Oh and I tried making potato pancakes and they came out horrible. So horrible we ate pb&J.

Oh the joys of pinterest. Not everything is a winner everytime.


Love A

Happy halloween!!!

Today is halloween and surprisingly I had an awesome time.

You see, I didn't grew up with halloween, back home you get bags of candy on Saint of the Children's day and you dress up for Carnival. So halloween has always been kind of odd to me.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love dressing up the kids in costume and checking out the other kids in costumes. I love giving out candy and if I live in a neighborhood with lots of trick or treaters, I feel like I died and went to heaven. I don't complain about the kids not in costume and don't even care if they are too old to T&T. To me, if you are willing to walk, I will gladly  hand you a candy, because you see.....I despise walking the kids around on halloween. I can't stand it. I much rather sit on my front porch, sipping a margarita and handing out candy while checking out the awesome costumes.

Dh loves taking the kids out so it works out, well except when he isn't home. I was dreading it having to bundle the kids up, walk around, reminding them over and over to say thank you and to stay on the sidewalk. I was going to miss out sitting on my ass checking out the costumes. No bueno!

The heavens must have listened. My friends husband decided this year he didn't want to stay home, he was going to take the kids and my friend was going to stay home and pass out the candy. I jumped at the opportunity to throw my kids at him. For the small cost of my famous cheesecake bites batch, he agreed, we shook on it and that was that.

I turned off my lights, grabbed my 5 bags of candy (my friend warned me this neighborhood has tons of trick or treaters) and off to her porch with my 2 munchikins I went. They left with instructions to turn up the cute and grab mommy lots of yummy stuff, and we stayed back talking. It was amazing. So many kids so many different costumes, I had a really great time. Gave away all the candy, my kids got a huge loot and some Jesus is your savior flyers (totally odd and halloween is not the time to preach but whatever).

Pinterest also came through again this year providing me with a simple cool thing to do for this uncrafty mom.

Last year it was halloween spiders:

this year it was frankenstein puddings.

So simple, yet so much fun. I got a ton of hugs and kisses for it.


Customary halloween picture (My kids and godchildren)

Oh so tired but oh so happy with the prospect of eating lbs and lbs of sugar.

One holiday down, one to go, and then hubby home for R&R for the 3rd one. I couldn't be happier.


Love A

Oh sooo close..

Everyone that is not friends with me on facebook has been asking whats up with my weight loss. I mean I created a whole new tab in this blog just to talk about it.

When I started this journey, I became obsessed. I would weigh, measure myself and my food, than I hit stalls and would freak out. "OMG this is not going to work for me. I am destined to be fat..blah blah blah".
Finally I got so busy I didn't have time to do all of this anymore that took so much out of my life.

Something extraordinary happened, the less I worried, the more I lost. I went to Brazil and indulged, I bought Cheetos for the first time in years and years and really enjoyed every single crumb and even licked my orange dusted fingers. I went out to lunch with friends and ordered whatever I pleased. Granted instead of a whole bag of chips I can maybe have a tiny bag, instead of appetizer, main course, and dessert, I can only manage appetizer, but it wasn't just boring healthy stuff. It was deep fried and delicious except now everything was on moderation. Life was good, and the scale was moving the right direction. I got 5 lbs away from goal and was so happy with myself, until of course I hit a stall and here I am. If we don't count these last 5lbs, I would have been at goal 9  months post op. 90 lbs lost. Except I been fighting with these 5lbs for 2 months now and they are not going anywhere. Everyone tells me I am at goal and to just be happy, and don't get me wrong, I am happy, this is the best thing I ever did in my life. I feel wonderful, have to so much energy and food doesn't control me anymore. Except, goal is goal and I am 5 lbs from goal.

Also, last night after surviving the storm of the century, I realized how I still turn to food. Last week at the supermarket if you were a little fly and could read thoughts you would see a woman standing in front of the containers of nutella going "Should I or shouldn't I??" Finally her little devil sitting on her shoulder said "I am going to buy nutella. I have lost almost 90 lbs, I am mature and have self control" and I happily walked to the cash register and paid for my purchases, including my beautiful jar of nutella that I hadn't bought in over a year. I completely forgot about it until last night. I was so stressed, I had 3 tablespoons of nutella. Now in the grand scheme of things, 3 tablespoons of nutella is not going to do it anything, its not like I am bathing in it and my pores are seeping it and turning into fat 24/7. But it just shocked me, how little self control I have and how food is still a comfort for me. I don't know if this is only a fat girl things, or even skinny people with amazing bodies, still use food for comfort??

Fear also creeped up. I don't want to go back to "the before". Not only for vanity reasons or the fact that I am really enjoying buying size 10's. I don't want to go back to the before, because in the before, that girl wasn't happy, she was depressed and not really living. A complete 180 from who she is today.

So, this morning I am back to the basics, lots of protein, lots of water and no nutella or cheetos for a while, because I set up to do something when I started this and that was to reach 150lbs and 155 is not 150. I know its close and all but its not goal.

Wish me luck :)

A

Before 240 lbs size 22-23, After:  11 months post op 155lbs size 10 or 8 depending on brand.

Thats just how I roll...

Dusting off the spiderwebs...

I haven't posted in anything in a while. Its not for lack of inspiration. I have about 4-5 half written posts saved.

I could have written this wonderful sippy cup review post that I made after realizing how many we have gone through ever since my kids have been out of bottles and because I care about you all, I wanted to save you some money.

I could have made another post about how I was the happiest mom the first day my child started kindergarden and all my fears of him riding the big yellow bus alone (even though the school is less than 3 miles from the house)

I could have made another post how I took cupcakes to his school the day before his birthday, and that ever other child from other kinder classes that were eating lunch at the same time we were celebrating my sons birthday, looked on with sad eyes like they also wanted a piece of cake.

I could have ranted about spending $60 on a beautiful fondant cake for ds's birthday that tasted like ass and no one liked it (even though I ordered from the highest rated bakery around here)

I could have made the same old same old post I make every year when my kids get old. I would have gotten sappy about my first born turning 6.

I could have written about my first deployment breakdown in which I whined about it on facebook and felt like an idiot (hey its been 6 months already usually the time we schedule R&R, but this year we decided to push it back so he could be home for Christmas and even tough I know its going to be worth it, finding the strength to survive another couple of months is becoming increasingly harder each day :()

I definitely could have talked about dd current obsession with Hello kitty, to the point that she refuses to wear anything besides kitty!

My mom being here for a week and half visiting and we having an amazing time, could have definitely made for an interesting post.

The fact that I already turned on my heater, pulled out my park and boots after the temps dropped into the low 50's, would have gotten a few laughs from you cold blooded people for sure.....

but I don't want to talk about any of that. Maybe later, maybe never who knows.

So to break my blogging sabbatical, I am going to leave you with a picture of food

This is chicken stroganoff. The best chicken stroganoff ever. Drool on =)


Love A

All about flip flops

Soon I will talk about the second part of my vacation and what led me to a crazy thought, but now I want to talk about flip flops.

I love flip flops. I really do, I live in them, have gotten married using them, have asked previous boss if I could wear them to work (sometimes yes sometimes no), I have flip flop magnets, keychains,

wine cups with flip flop designs, you name it. Flip flop rocks my world.

How cute is this magnet??

Or this keychain??


Just to give you an idea I have 1 pair of boots, 2 pair of sneakers, 4 sandals (2 brand new acquired) and over 10 pair of flip flops. I won't admit how many I have because you will be shocked, so lets just say way way over 10 ;)

After trying all kinds from different price ranges, I have narrowed it down to my favorite 3 and I would love to share with you in case you are in the market for a new pair.

3. Havaianas. Stop right now, you are pronouncing it wrong for sure its:  AH- VAI-(like vaio the laptop) ANAS (like the end of bananas).

 How could I not love them?? I am biased considering they are imported from my homeland and that is what everyone back home wears. Total brand pride. But its not just biased opinion, they are really amazing. A brand couldn't have been around for 50 years if they didn't rock everyone's world. Not only are they the cutest ever

Look at the pair I just picked up back home:


They are lightweight and very comfortable comes in various styles and pretty decent priced. Men, children, older adults, they all seem to love them.

2. Rainbows- I am sure I am going to get a lot of hate mail for putting rainbows on the number 2 spot instead of the number 1 spot, but I can't help myself. You see when I first bought my first pair of Rainbows I loved them. They were amazing and made me feel like I made a good investment. It was hard for this cheap ass to drop $50 on a pair of flip flops. But considering I use them so much, its an investment (at least that is what I tell my other half).

Rainbows are awesome. They really are and mine are worn thin. I have used them very much this part year of ownership. They suck in the beginning because you got to break them in so therefore you might get blisters for the first couple days, but after breaking them in, its like stepping on a cloud. They fit nicely on your feet, lightweight (a bit heavier than havaianas but not by much). They don't slip and slide when wet, in fact if feels like they grip on to your feet when wet.  If it wasn't for my number one choice I would definitely put rainbows at the number 1 spot..but..

1. Reefs. I can't say enough about these. More specifically reef fannings. You see I wasn't even in the market for new flip flops. I had my rainbows and was perfectly happy browsing Macys when I saw these :

(don't mind how beat up they are. I get a hell lot of use of them)

I decided to try them on, walked a couple of steps around the store and bought them. At about the same price of rainbows that was total splurge but I was sold on just a couple of steps. They are super comfortable, better for those of us that have wider feet, heavier than rainbows and definitely twice as heavy as havaianas, but don't let that discourage you. They don't feel heavy. At the end of the day even though I wore flip flops all the time, my feet still hurt. I have extremely flat feet (the reason why I prefer flip flops. They hurt less). Well at the end of the day even after walking  10-20 miles or more, I have no pain whatsoever. I got new blisters while in Brazil when I walked a good 15 miles one day from wearing my Rainbows, but no pain or blisters whatsoever when I wore my Reefs. The most amazing thing about Reef fannings is, right underneath each of them there is a bottle opener.


Crazy right!! It seems like a stupid thing and I really laughed at it and dh pointed and made fun of me when he saw it. Except that he tried on my reefs fell in love and bought himself a pair. Who would have thunk it that a couple months later he would be stuck in afghanistan with no bottle opener and trying to drink an old style coke bottle?? Oh yeah he is not laughing now. His reefs came in handy :)

 That is why they are number one in my book :)

I hope I helped you make a decision the next time you are in the market for some new flip flops :)


** Ignore how dirty and worn out my flip flops are. No new flip flops were provided for this review. This is my own thoughts only.
** Sorry if they are upside down, if you were expecting a perfect picture, you are in the wrong blog..lol

Do you have a favorite?? Maybe a new brand I haven't heard of it?? Feel free to share, I am all up about trying new flip flops :)

Love A

Vacation part I

I just got home today, after thousands of miles of driving with 2 kids and their crap and one international flight with a child and all her crap, I am back to the good ol USA and even though we had an amazing time, with memories that will keep us warm until our next summer vacation, I am glad to be back. I am still working through all the laundry and organizing I have now left to do, but all that can wait while I try to summarize our fun time.

1st leg of our vacation took all 3 of us to S Fl to my parents house. Lots of summer days, delicious drinks, lazily lounging days filled of pool and sunshine. The kids both got a nice little tan and lots of love from the grandparents.

Than it was time to pack and repack and organize all suitcases and dd and I hopped on a plane to Brazil (Ds didn't want to go so he stayed behind being spoiled by the grandparents and attending camp) while dd and I made the 9 long hr flight to Rio. It was the first time I have flown internationally with dd and I was pleasantly surprised what a great flier she is. She slept before we boarded, I boarded with her sleeping, and she didn't wake up again until 6am, 2 hours before we were about to land. Easy peasy. Getting 4 70lb suitcases, 1 bookback, 1 purse, 1 stroller and 1 child through customs and security was a whole other mess, but we won't dwell on that. She was a great flier, the plane didn't crash, all good :)

I haven't been home since Ty was 3 years old, so the purpose of this trip was for dd to meet her great-grandparents (lucky child has 3). Well she met them all, got loved on by her cousins, spoiled by aunts, played, laughed, ate so much junk and just had a good old time. Language barrier didn't stop her or them. Somehow she communicated with everyone and everyone just loved on her. She came back thinking she was all that :)

I had tons of fun. This time I had no desire to see any landmarks. I have seen them all a million times, dh wasn't with me, and dd is too young. I had a strong desire to remember how people live and see if this is something we could do in the future. You see I left Brazil when I was 13, there is a golden rule that after 7 years in America, everyone that returns have a really hard time adapting and want to come back to live in the US. For vacation is amazing, to live is a whole other different story (more at part II) so I wanted to experience daily life and see if this is a possibility in our near future. My aunt was more than happy to oblige.

She took me to work, I rode the bus (the majority of Brazillians ride the bus because of cars so expensive and gas prices double of what the US offers (even though we are a huge export of gasoline (don't even try to understand how that works)), the whole country rides the bus. The bus system works. There is a bus every 5 minutes and because you ride the bus you walk. You walk here there and everywhere. Thank goodness because if wasn't for all that walking, I would have gained a good 20 lbs in 20 days ;)

So I rode the bus (standing up because it was packed), paid to go pee (public restrooms are a rarity and at the shopping center you pay 50 cents to go pee), I went to work with her, I went shopping (and carried all my groceries a good 10 miles, than lugged all of them on the bus and than lugged all of them home), I went clubbing, I went to bars, I played beach volleyball, I ate churros filled with dulce de leche from the street vendors, than 5 seconds later I ate a chicken crepe, than a half hour later I ate pork skins and before the end of the day I bought sweet peanuts from a toothless centenarian street vendor. One day I walked so much and so far, I had blisters from my flip flops..lol.

I had an amazing time seeing all my cousins aunts and uncles. I met new cousins that recently joined the family and a couple more that will join the family pretty soon after getting married.
I am the first one to provide grandchildren/great grandkids so therefore to say my kids are spoiled with love is an understatement. 3 years ago they spoiled ds and this time they did the same for dd. They could do no wrong and since there hasn't been a child in the family in a long time, you can only imagine how everyone acted around her.  She was more than happy to oblige. The amazing/scary thing about dd is that she will go with anyone. She will blow kisses to strangers, talk to anyone and let anyone pick her up and love on her. If you have long hair, a plus because she loves to suck her thumb and rub anyones hair. So, she easily got held by everyone all day long. Even strangers on the elevator talked to her, kissed her, and just fell in love with her.

I had a lot of time and many eye openers during this trip to think and rethink about my life. Just to give you an example, the only place I stay is at my aunts place. She is my mothers youngest sister and my favorite relative ever. We are very similar. Well she lives in a 1000 square feet 2/1 apartment and it lives her, her son that is 9, her 22 year old daughter and her parents (my grandparents). There is many other places that I could have easily stayed and had a lot more space, but I decline them all because my aunts place is home. She is the absolute best host ever, last time I went to Brazil with the hubby and ds, I stayed and her place, this time I stayed at her place, and will stay again anytime I go. It was very eye opening for me. In this current rat race that we are for bigger and better (house, cars, toys, etc), to realize how comfortable I feel in very small living quarters and to learn the lesson that being a good host has absolutely nothing to do with the size of your place.

Next time I will talk more about that, I have talked plenty, and will leave you with some pictures.

 The view from my aunts 12 floor. One day I shall live on the 12th floor. Its a great babysitter. I can't even tell you how many hours this child spent just admiring the view.

 Getting love from some cousins!

 The first time this child goes to the beach in Rio and she is asleep. Granted it was 9pm during beach volleyball but still. Don't worry though, she woke up after :)

 Eating sweet popcorn at the park.

Cooking with my beautiful cousin!

After my aunt let her play with water and make a mess, she gave her this makeshift dress in order to dry her clothes!

 Playing with aunties hair!

 Celebrating greatgrandmothers 67th birthday!

Playing with cousins hair!

Love A

Happy 4th!!!

Getting your citizenship, having your husband deployed, loving the USA, etc etc etc just makes celebrating this 4th, that much sweeter.

Happy 4th everyone :)

Wordless Wednesday!!

Someone got upgraded =)

The new old me..

Today I turned 31 years old. I have been having a rough time since turning 30. Age never bothered me until I was 29 than one night I decided to rethink everything I have ever done in my life, every single decision, and asides from being the stupidest thing I have ever done and don't ever do that. I came to some realizations. The main one was many things I have wanted and planned to do it, I haven't done it, but many others that I have never thought in a million years I wanted, were things I accomplished. Someone out there in the stratosphere knows me better than myself. But still turning 31 has been rough. I have more white hairs, lines around my face, some scars that will never fade, there are some styles of clothes that I will never again be able to wear, and to accept all that is not easy. Until finally one night I had a good realization. If I compare myself to others, of course I am never going to measure up but if I compare myself to myself only and use my before to measure up, than I am doing just fine.

In just one year from 30 to 31 I have lost 71 lbs (so far), I am healthier and way more active than I was before. I am calmer, and even tough I have some more lines around my eyes, I also have a lot more wisdom. I have been tested over and over again this past year and have passed every single time. My love for my husband has grown. We are at a good place in our relationship. A really good place. Also lately I feel like I am at a good place in motherhood. I am still learning and making mistakes, but I am way more comfortable in my own abilities and don't judge myself so harshly anymore.

So I guess getting older hasn't been all that bad. Don't get me wrong, its not easy, but because I am married to an amazing man that sent me delicious cupcakes, turning 31 wasn't all that bad.


Love A