The husband and I got into a huge fight.
I am still pulling my big girl panties up and trying to get my happy attitude back.
Last night I got barerly any sleep. I understand it will take a while for me to accept the body pillow as a replacement for a warm body, but falling asleep at 3am up at 4, 4:15, 5, 5:30 and then for sure at 7:30 will even sweet ol' me turn into a witch. So yeahh my attitude wasnt good to start with.
I spilled my coffee this morning, the kids were whining, I forgot to grab breakfast, and the coffee that caused so much hassle to pour.
The day didn't magically improve from there, on the contrary it just kept coming.
I couldnt find my shoes, phone, brain, good attitude. The kids were whining. They were acting bad because mommy was a wench. I know I know.
I drive Tyler to school, get stopped by a cop on the way, get a warning only. Hey maybe my luck is turning around??
Nope, Juliet cries almost the whole way back home for absolutely no reason other than to make my day even worse. I realize my parents left the country for 3 wks without saying bye, I guess we really are not speaking to each other anymore and being very mature about it.
All of this is excuses but sets the precedent for my mood.
I get home and let it rip. I start to sob and I complain and complain and complain. I cuss my husband for every single decision I have disagree with for the past couple years and even some that I have agreed with. Every little decision that have put us in this situation. This hell of him not being here when all I need is a hug. I whine and bitch and call him names. Dirty horrible little names. I start to believe he really doesnt love me and is screwing around my back with my best friend and promisng her to run away with her. This was by far one of our worst fights.
After feeling drained and just miserable. I stop. I cant even form a straight thought but I start to somehow feel a calmness wash over me and I start to realize that maybe he is going through the same thing as I am. Maybe just maybe he understands fully what i am going through and I am not alone and that he didn't conciouslly pick this life either to piss me off and hurt me. That this is the life we have been dealt and that we should live it to the fullest to the best of our abilities. So I started to love and adore him again and not really blame him for anything. We made up and were happy again.
Later on the day, he called me and I didn't even tell him about our fight or our make up. I felt ashamed of all the names and bad thoughts that went through my head. I didnt want to share. I just told him and I loved him very much and I forgive him. He paused for a second and asked me "what for?", I just repeated myself and he let it go. He has been with me too long to understand that one day when I am ready we will talk about it. We talked about the kids, and his long flight and made more plans for when he comes home for sure.
Life is grand and that is why I need a drink before noon because only me can have a huge fight with my husband and then make up without him even knowing anything about it ;)