Tuesday, August 16, 2011

In the end, it will all even out!!!!!!

You know mommy wars are rampant. You can't be a mother and never feel the glares or nasty comments about your decisions. Wether they come from family members or friends, or even strangers, it seems like the moment you give birth, everyone has got an opinion about this that and the other thing.

Babies don't come with manuals, so therefore you got to listen to everything and make the decision that is best for you and your child. You end up second guessing yourself and sometimes rocking in dark corner paralyzed with fear because you think you have screwed up your child.

There is so many disagreements from formula vs BM, cloth vs disposable,VAx vs no Vax, staying at home vs going to work, public school vs homeschooling. And so forth. The list goes on and on. I believe democrats and republicans can agree more with each other than mommies can. Its that instinct to take care of this immense gift that you have been given, that you want to care for it, and adore, and do it right.

Well guess what?? You are going to screw up. You are going to regret some decisions. Its life, welcome to it. No one is going to make every correct decision, your child will end up hurting over a decision you made. There is no way around. You can try to ease that pain, but it will happen. And under no circumstances will you make decisions that will please every single mommy you know, so just stop trying. Seriously, I promise you, it will just be a waste of time. Build a thicker skin, research, and make a conscious decision. Don't make decisions based on what your mommy told you, or what you friend did or even what the pediatrician told you to. Dont just believe everyone, research, ask questions, be proactive, and make a decision based on your gut instinct.

I usually try to stay away from the mommy wars. Once in a blue moon I will comment on what I did if a brand new mom is asking, because its overwhelming in the beginning, so to try to help them out, I will mention a thing or two.

I think what has helped me is that I am not 100% passionate about anything. I can understand both sides of the issue when it comes to everything, so that has helped me a ton. I can understand why ppl choose formula over BM, why they circ and why they dont, why they use cloth over disposable and so forth. The only thing I can't really understand and doesn't enter my head is why people will give baby jar food over mashing some bananas or mashing some baby food at home. There is preservatives and crap in those little jars that your baby doesn't need. Once in a while fine, but I have met many children that have been eating food since 5 months old and they don't get a real piece of fruit or meat until well over 1. Everything before is that jar crap.
That never enters my mind. Its cheaper and healthier and so freaking easy, but then again I visit chick fillet often and my children love chinese. MSG anyone?? So I keep my mouth shut about it most of the time.

Well, I formula fed my children. My first and my 2nd. I did it because breast feeding hurt, I felt like a cow, I was clumsy and it just didn't feel natural to me. I tried with both, but after 2 weeks I just couldn't do it. It wasn't for me. I have shed many tears over it because I didn't get to feel this bonding experience that moms that breast feed talk about it and the whole money savings, and everything else. I felt like a failure. I know in my mind BM is better than formula. I am not stupid and got two cents of common sense. Yet knowing all of this, I just couldn't do it. I could have 10 kids and my feelings wouldn't change.

BM is better than formula, but I don't think formula is the devil like so many moms that are able to breast feed like to portray. I wish I could have pulled out my boob and given my child what nature intended. But I couldn't, can't and after many tears shed and many hurt and pain, I have come to terms with my decision. I don't regret it because I know I tried my hardest, and sometimes your hardest is just not good enough.

Well I have a "friend" on facebook that is a major advocate for breast feeding. She breast fed her son, and is currently breast feeding her daughter. She is always posting how BM is better and the tons of science to back it up. Not a big deal, never bothered me. She is not telling me anything I didn't know. She has once rolled her eyes at me and acted superior when she found out I formula fed, she wasn't the first she wasn't the last, I ignored it. She continued on posting pictures of breast feeding her daughter, and when she did it past 1 yr and is still going strong, I congratulated her.

Yesterday, she posted how she is on a new diet, and her new diet plan is to only eat half of her lean cuisine and share the other half with her child. Who is just a little over 1 now. I dropped her. I know immature, but that is the problem when you have a holier than thou attitude, its kind of hard to keep it up. How can you look down on me for formula feeding my children, but then sit there and give them lean cuisine meals that are full of preservatives and all kinds of crap that I can't even pronounced it.
DO I eat them?? You bet. I love their pizza. If I buy a pizza, I over eat, buy buying one of those, it helps me with portion control. But you can bet your bottom dollar, my child has never even touched one. They started off with formula, but pretty soon moved on to 100% home made baby food (I posted a while back about my dad paying over $100 to overnight me homemade baby food on ice because I had just moved into a new place and it was going to take a while to unpack and get everything set and he didn't want me to fall into temptation of easiness and give ds jar stuff), and even to today they eat extremely healthy.

Yeah we know our local chinese restaurant very well, but right now my 2 yr old is sitting here downing a shake made of spinach, broccoli, strawberry, and bananas.

My whole long rant is just a small proof that in the end, it all equals out. You shouldn't look down at anyone or even fight in these mommy wars, because I truly believe, every mom is trying to make the best decision for her child. Even if that decision is completely different than mine. In the end, it will all even out.

Love A

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