Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Weight loss insanity!!!!

Ai Ai Ai what wont we do to loose a couple of pounds???

Anyone that knows me , knows I have struggled with my weight for years. I arrived here a 13 yrs old less than 100 lbs soaking wet. Stress, new country, new culture, different eating habits, laziness, you name it has made me overweight. By hs I started the weight loss journey. I have yet to reach my goal but hope is the last to die right??

Well I can maintain my weight with no problem. I weigh the same I did 9 years ago when I got married. There is a 10lb range that I stay in. When dh leaves, I get to the lower of that range, when he gets home I will reach the higher end of that range but always the same. I can fit into my wedding gown for goodness sake. I guess there is a positive to everything.

Well I am up for trying anything when it comes to loosing this weight and finally winning this battle. I can't even name everything I have tried. Insanity to some desperation to me.

Last week my Groupon had a special for $95 you get a Five week Systemic Lipotropic Fat Loss Program. Out of that sentence, I had to google 2 words because I had no clue what their definition were, but that didn't stop me. I saw fat loss program and bought it before I even finished reading the description.

After reading the description, I found out I would get a consultation, a 5 week supply of B6 and B12 weight loss shots and Syringes.

Score. Not too long ago my doctor was giving me B12 shots to boost my energy level. I have fatigue disorder, am always tired, no matter how much sleep or vitamins or clean diet I eat. My life is a blur of yawning, cupious amounts of coffee and snooze button hitting.
Those B12 shots helped a ton. They were right in my hip bone and burned while going in, but for the first time ever, I jumped out of bed in the mornings. The only downfall is they were $25 a pop, needed once a week and insurance didn't cover. After a month I couldn't justify that expense anymore.

Well, I been exhausted and needed to try something new and jumped at this opportunity. I called and made my appointment for today.

I get there and its at the ritziest part of town. Porches and mercedes line the streets. I am already feeling self concious and I got Ju with me. I walk inside this clinic and Barbie would feel self concious. Everyone was perfectly dressed, gorgeous and tiny. I had the urge to check out the back to make sure they don't have a secret fabric that spits out gorgeous people in 2.5 seconds flat.

I show my groupon, fill out tons of paperwork, and get taken to a room. In comes Brad Pitt if Brad Pitt were to loose 30 lbs. This guy talked a mile a minute, asked my issues, grabbed a blue bag, rattled off statistics about 90% of the population having a deficiency of B12 and B6 and how beneficial it is and then proceeded to explain to me how to load the syringe and how to apply myself the injections. Come again?? You want me to shoot up?? Uh I am not comfortable with this.

He tells me it wont hurt (dude pain is not my issue. Do you know how painful it was the cabagge diet or those hip bones B12 shots I was taking??) My issue is shooting myself up.

He loads the syringe, making sure to repeat a couple of times to never forget to wipe the bottle and the injection site with alcohool (more statistics about infection. Too bad at this point I am not really listening. I was still stuck on the I have to shoot myself up deal) and asks me if I have any qualms about lifting my shirt up that he will help me with the first one.

I am no prude. I have had 2 csections, I have been waxed and bedazzled. I am mean don't get me wrong..I have decency. People in the street are already going to think "Oh look she is fat". I make sure I dress extremely well and take care of myself because God forbid they were to say "OMG look she is fat, doesn't know how to dress for her size and have ugly piggies". Oh no way.
So while I dress casual, jeans and T-shirt, you will never catch me with a belly showing shirt, or worse a pair of pants with the words "HOT STUFF" on the back.

So I told him no qualms at all. I need help. I lift my shirt, pinch the right side of my belly button like he demonstrated, wipe it with the solution, grab the syringe and as I am about to shoot up like he explained he stops me and tells me "you have to go in a angle". Another deep breath, a quick rattle of prayers for strenght and boom. I did it. I shot myself up. I started pushing this supposedly magic liquid inside and was so thankful I didn't have to do this again. Until he informs me I have to do this every day except sundays until my 5 week supply is gone.

He tries to sell me a bunch of overpriced appetite suppressants that I politely decline. I am very content with my $17 from Amazon Atrophex that helps keep my hunger in check. I have no desire to buy into another gimmick. He hands me cards, flyers and brochures and I leave.

All the way back to the car I am thinking how did I get myself into this situation?? How did something that sounded so awesome just last friday now sounds horrible??

Well the injection site is sore, I am hoping and praying I will be bouncing the walls soon with much needed energy and I am praying even harder I will have the guts to shoot myself up tomorrow again without the help and without screwing up.

I think I need a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is my prized loot all in its glory!!

Love A


sanctimomious said...

You'll be FINEEEE!!!! Take it from me, who has always done her own injects for IVF, it gets easier after the first one. I use the skin down near my c/s scar because its numb, and you honestly won't feel a THING. Its actually kind of cool and I am very squeamish...

Although, I am not yet ready to do the 2 inch long ones that go deep near the bone, DH still does them. ;) haha! I hope it works for you, good luck!!

Suz said...

OMG! I HATE needles! I would never ever be able to shoot myself with one. I always turn my head when getting shots so I don't have to see it! You are a much stronger woman than me for doing that!

I do know a friend's mom who was doing those shots and she's lost over 10 lbs. already! So hopefully it will all be worth it! Keep us updated!

Ally said...

You give me way too much credit Nikki. This morning I shook and shook. I pray this gets easier..and good to hear Suz. I really hope this gets thing started. If it works I might even get the courage to shoot it in my eyeball if it

Jill said...

Did they discuss the advantage to injecting the B6 and B12 vs. just taking it orally?

Like Nikki said, those little subcutaeous needles are a piece of cake and you will get used to it. The first few are hard, but after that it is smooth sailing. (my experience is IVF)

I'm sure you have tried EVERYTHING but I am a huge weight watchers fan. I credit it for losing all of my college weight 10 years ago and then losing all of my infertiliy/baby weight in the past 10 months. It is very systematic and logical and teaches you proper portion sizes and healthy foods.

Unfortunately, there really aren't any quick fixes for weight. If there were, nobody would be overweight. It is hard work but you can do it! :)