Superstitious???

I am not really superstitious but today has made me rethink that.

All I need to go home is an american passport. I got my citizenship last year and still havent applied for an american passport. I figured I better do it now since I want to go home beginning of december and stay over Christmas and they take 4-6 wks.

Well this morning I drop ds off school and go get my pictures done. 1st walgreens machine is broken. No biggie. 2nd Walgreens the guy brighten my picture so much, my hair looks blonde. I tell him that is unaceptable since the main thing about passport is eye color and hair color. He tells me its okay and I should just try. Uhh nope. Either take another or I am not paying for this. He tells me this is the best they can do. SO I walk out. I am already starting to fume at this point. Deep breath, trip to starbucks and I decide lets try CVS. It takes her almost 30 minutes to take my picture and try to get the machine to work. Finally I walk out of there with my picture. Next is to the ATM to pull some money out. 6 atms later I find one that is working. By this point I am boiling. Okay deep breath, drive 20 minutes to the only post office in town that does passport pictures and as soon as I walk in the door, the fire alarm goes off. We all have to stand outside for 15 minutes. Its just a drill. Walk back inside and stand in line. By this point Ju is misserable. We have been out for over 4 hours and no amount of snacks can keep her happy. Another 40 minutes in line and the lady tells me I need original documents not copies. Are you kidding me?? YOu loose my naturalization certificate and I am F*ed 10 ways into sunday. Do you not realize what a burocracy nightmare that would be to get a new one??

I am soo frustrated I have a mini breakdown thinking this is signs that I am not suposse to go home. Visions of crashing airplane is swirling through my head and God saying..I warned you. Mini breakdown turns into huge breakdown. What am I going to do??

I drive home, feed Ju let her nap, get the original document and call around. The courthouse close to me does passports also. Ju wakes up, we drive over there. We go through the xray machine she is all happy and flirting with everyone. I get my ticket not even 5 minutes later the guy calls me. As soon as I go to the window and sit down to dig all the paperwork and money to give to him, Ju starts freaking out. Like arching back crying like a nutcase. I pull her out of the stroller, try to soothe her, and nothing is working. This child is crying like someone is torturing her. I hand her my phone, keys, glasses, everything and nothing is helping. She is just crying and crying and crying. Everyone is looking at me, the guy is trying his harderst to hurry up. I have to lift my hand and swear over her screams.

20 minutes later he is done, all the paperwork is done and my naturalization certificate is on its way to the department of defense full of prayers they dont loose it and she is still bawling. I leave there as soon as we are outside she starts smiling. Uhh now I am freaking out. Are these signs or just God testing me?? I dont know. So now I dont know what to do. I have to buy our tickets next week, I dont even know what could happen and if maybe I am not meant to go. IF I dont go my grandmother and whole family would be heartbroken. They havent met Ju yet, havent seen me or Ty in 2 yrs and this will be my 1st Christmas back home in 16 yrs. I have to go.

So now is the major life dillema. I am going to pray and pray about it and ask God to be more clear. Hope for the best.

So that was my wonderful day. I am sitting here drinking a beer and hoping for a better tomorrow.

Love A