Friday, May 13, 2011

Turning on a new leaf...hopefully!!!!!!

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
~Alan Cohen

I like to think one of my best characteristics is I am a good friend. Being an only child, I have become very close to my friends. I value a good friendship and in turn I really try to be the best friend ever. I return calls, ask about their family, just an example of what a good friend is. Having and being a good friend is necessary for my happiness.

Well I have been kind of a hypocrite lately. I have talked shit about one of my most important friends. I have put her down, degraded her, mistreated her, laughed at her dreams and just loathed her in general. And this wasn't a one time thing, this was an every day thing. I was cruel. Just thinking about it makes me weepy.

All of my other friends I was the completely polar opposite of it. Even if their dreams sounded insane, I cheered them on and had faith on them, I quietly listened and tried to give the best advice possible when advice was necessary. I have shared many laughs and loaned my shoulder many times for them to cry on.

This friend that I have been evil to, I told her to stop being stupid and strop crying, I never listened to her heart and was just a cold bitch to her.

HOW COULD I HAVE TREATED MYSELF THAT BAD WHEN I TREAT MY FRIENDS LIKE GOLD?? Why don't I deserve the same consideration I give to my other friends?? Why is that I am always putting myself down??

I need to be my best friend. Better than I can be to anyone else. I need to stop critiquing my self, and actually become my number 1 cheerleader. My husband cant be my number 1 cheerleader. I need to be one for myself. If I don't believe in myself, why should anyone else??

I also need to be more positive about my body, believe in my dreams. I have such an easy time having faith and believe in everyone else's dream and yet my own I have an ability to shut them off and burry them because it seems stupid.
I would never say to a friend the things I say to myself, its cruel and evil. Why do I ever think its okay to think them??

I cant even remember the last time I praised myself, but I bet this morning when I stepped on the scale I put myself down. Not cool. I bet my body despises me for all the put down I have done over the years and unfortunately I am not alone.

From the housewife to the CEO, from the child to the teen, we all do it at some degree. We say evil mean things we would never say to our worst enemy. We don't praise ourselves, or love ourselves enough. We have become a society that thinks looks is more important than character. As long as you look good, you are a good person.
Oh and if you don't, don't worry, there is an easy fix for that. From the many plastic surgery options, to all the muds and wrap treatments, to the 8 year old getting waxed and botox. Yep you heard that right!!!

What kind of message are we sending to our kids?? Who in the world thinks an 8 yr old needs botox because of wrinkles??

That is not how I want to raise my daughter. I want to raise her to have confidence and self worth, but how can I do that if I don't have it??

Well the good thing is "every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around" (little movie trivia..which movie is that from??) So therefore I got time, if I work at it, I can maybe find some confidence and some self worth and in turn teach to her.

So from now on, I will become my absolute best friend. I will praise myself, love myself and not utter one mean word to myself. I will trust my instincts and believe in my dreams.

I know it wont be easy, but I will get there even if I have to fake until I make it :)

Love A

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