Tuesday, December 13, 2011

"How are you???"

I believe "How are you?" is the most common question in the English language and yet the most complex.

When someone asks "how are you?" are they being polite or do they really want to know ?

Whey they ask that question, do they mean physically or emotionally?

Well, I just have had surgery, nonetheless in a third world country. Shocking to many, so of course all of my friends have asked me "how are you?" or any variations of that. I know they ask because they care and I only answer in the physically part of it.

So, how am I??

Well physically I am wonderful. I got really lucky and knock on wood no plane crashes, no pulmonary embolism, no infections, no leaks. Yeah a big risk I took, I know. But physically I couldn't be better. The first couple of days were hard. To be honest, the first two weeks. Your new stomach is so small, you can't take a gulp, if you do it will hurt, you will feel a pressure going down. You have to sip, sip, sip and if 30 years of habit gets to you, and you take a gulp while driving and not paying attention, you will pay for it. Trust me , I know ;)

Eating was hard also. You are on a clear liquid diet for the first wk or 2 in order to allow your new stomach to heal and to not put unnecessary pressure on your staples. Its not a big deal because you are not hungry really considering half a cup of chicken broth have the power to feel you up, its just boring and tedious.

Friday, I removed my own stitches. I know I rock like that ;) and started feeling much better. I can now take a gulp and while it will go down square, its not as uncomfortable. I have moved to stage 2 of the diet and can now have scrambled eggs, and soft wedges of cheese to my diet and mashed potatoes. How exciting!!!!

So yeah physically I am doing wonderful, but emotionally I am a wreck.

You see, almost everyone looses 20 lbs within the first week of this and then stall for a bit, then start up again. The first month though your average weight loss is 17-20 lbs depending on how heavy you are. If you are heavier, of course you will loose more. Also it takes a while for you to heal and your body to get out of shock and do what is supposed to do. You got to understand they pump you full of gas, cut a piece of your stomach, anesthesia, you name it. Everyone is different.

I have lost a grand total of 10 lbs in 2 wks. Very depressing. Wait what?? well I was expecting more, and therefore I am a bit disappointed. I could have lost that in a crash diet and saved my money. Except, I would have probably gained all of it in the following week and with this, I doubt I will be gaining anything considering the most I could eat in a day would equal to less than 800 calories. Seriously there isn't that many calories in chicken broth, or eggs or protein shakes to add up.

So for a while, I was freaking out. I think old fears of failing started to creep back up, I mean I can't count how many diets/life changes I tried and failed, why will this be any different??

After a kick in the ass from the hubby and some reassuring words from my friends, I have come to realize 10 lbs is good. Its a wonderful start and this is working. Maybe slowly than others but it is working, and besides I am not competing with anyone.

This has also made me realize I have a ton of baggage when it comes to my weight, baggage that I need to deal with it and figure it out.

So when you ask me the next time "how are you??" and I say "fine". I honestly mean it, physically of course, because you don't want to hear about how fucked up in the head this is and how stressed and scared I am, do you really??

Much love A

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