Happiness in the midst of so much sadness..

On Friday after just done baking a german chocolate cake, I sat down to watch the news and learned about the overwhelming sadness that descendent upon Conn. I had legs to shave, food to finish making, house to finish cleaning because after 9 long months my husband was on his transatlantic flight on the way home to spend 20 days filled with fun.

I was so happy and excited about my husband coming home yet I had tears rolling down my face after trying to comprehend what going on in an elementary school states away. A school just like the one I had sent my son to that exact same morning.

Did I tell him I loved him?? Have I been kissing him enough?? If he were to die today, would there be any unsaid words left?? Probably, and that broke my heart.

I cried, and cried some more for those children, those parents, the gunman's family that will forever have to live with the realization they raised a killer, the community, the country, I cried for them all and then I remembered... the only way to make the dead proud is to live. Live a full life and try to not take anything for granted.

Various parents did the same thing. They gave their children extra hugs when they came off the bus, they remembered to tell them they loved them, they gave them an extra cookie for dessert, they read an extra bedtime story and they promised themselves to not take anything for granted anymore.

I did the same, I got dressed, shaved my legs, picked up my children up from the bus stop, and picked my husband up from the aiport. Happy that we get 20 days to spend. Happy that he is alive and I have more time to tell him how much I love him and appreciate him, instead of sad its only 20 days.

In the next 20 days we have millions of things to do, and my resolve to not take anything for grant again might falter. I might get mad at my husband for putting socks on the couch, or upset my children spilled something for the millionth time, I am not perfect, but I am thankful I got one more chance to do it right, and you will be dammed if I waste it :)

Love A

Busy busy / iphone dump

This month things have been crazy. Its the last month before R&R, my nerves are shot and I am so ready for him to be home.

Because of all of this, I have crammed way too much this past month and kept record of it with my phone. So here is the dump...

Enjoy!!!

        1. I got my nose pierced : 

 2. I bought a shirt to wear for Christmas but hate the way my belly looks into it so now I got to find a good sucky thing! I need plastic surgery so so bad. I seriously need to get over the fear and just get it done!!!!!

 3. I bought dh's clone :)

 4. I learned how to dress my daughter in below 40 temps!!

 5. I took pictures of gorgeous fall trees.

 6. I survived 5 days at home w/ the kids over the thanksgiving holiday.

 7. I had the bright idea of buy magnetic boards and get all these magnets off my fridge and into a somewhat work of art!

 8. I borrowed ideas from pinterest and made a Christmas card holder

 9. I tried one dress

 10. and I tried another dress and I still don't have an outfit for homecoming. Commence stress in 5,4,...

 11. I baked and a lot. Kneading dough for shortbread cubes does wonder for my soul. Ignore the fact they look funny. I didn't find my pin roller (in dd room. My daughter is always stealing my kitchen utensils) until after.

 12. We celebrated Thanksgiving

 13. We took pictures for Christmas cards. 10 fails, promises of donuts and sugars and we finally got a good one. No this is not it ;)

14. Oh and I tried making potato pancakes and they came out horrible. So horrible we ate pb&J.

Oh the joys of pinterest. Not everything is a winner everytime.


Love A

Happy halloween!!!

Today is halloween and surprisingly I had an awesome time.

You see, I didn't grew up with halloween, back home you get bags of candy on Saint of the Children's day and you dress up for Carnival. So halloween has always been kind of odd to me.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love dressing up the kids in costume and checking out the other kids in costumes. I love giving out candy and if I live in a neighborhood with lots of trick or treaters, I feel like I died and went to heaven. I don't complain about the kids not in costume and don't even care if they are too old to T&T. To me, if you are willing to walk, I will gladly  hand you a candy, because you see.....I despise walking the kids around on halloween. I can't stand it. I much rather sit on my front porch, sipping a margarita and handing out candy while checking out the awesome costumes.

Dh loves taking the kids out so it works out, well except when he isn't home. I was dreading it having to bundle the kids up, walk around, reminding them over and over to say thank you and to stay on the sidewalk. I was going to miss out sitting on my ass checking out the costumes. No bueno!

The heavens must have listened. My friends husband decided this year he didn't want to stay home, he was going to take the kids and my friend was going to stay home and pass out the candy. I jumped at the opportunity to throw my kids at him. For the small cost of my famous cheesecake bites batch, he agreed, we shook on it and that was that.

I turned off my lights, grabbed my 5 bags of candy (my friend warned me this neighborhood has tons of trick or treaters) and off to her porch with my 2 munchikins I went. They left with instructions to turn up the cute and grab mommy lots of yummy stuff, and we stayed back talking. It was amazing. So many kids so many different costumes, I had a really great time. Gave away all the candy, my kids got a huge loot and some Jesus is your savior flyers (totally odd and halloween is not the time to preach but whatever).

Pinterest also came through again this year providing me with a simple cool thing to do for this uncrafty mom.

Last year it was halloween spiders:

this year it was frankenstein puddings.

So simple, yet so much fun. I got a ton of hugs and kisses for it.


Customary halloween picture (My kids and godchildren)

Oh so tired but oh so happy with the prospect of eating lbs and lbs of sugar.

One holiday down, one to go, and then hubby home for R&R for the 3rd one. I couldn't be happier.


Love A

Oh sooo close..

Everyone that is not friends with me on facebook has been asking whats up with my weight loss. I mean I created a whole new tab in this blog just to talk about it.

When I started this journey, I became obsessed. I would weigh, measure myself and my food, than I hit stalls and would freak out. "OMG this is not going to work for me. I am destined to be fat..blah blah blah".
Finally I got so busy I didn't have time to do all of this anymore that took so much out of my life.

Something extraordinary happened, the less I worried, the more I lost. I went to Brazil and indulged, I bought Cheetos for the first time in years and years and really enjoyed every single crumb and even licked my orange dusted fingers. I went out to lunch with friends and ordered whatever I pleased. Granted instead of a whole bag of chips I can maybe have a tiny bag, instead of appetizer, main course, and dessert, I can only manage appetizer, but it wasn't just boring healthy stuff. It was deep fried and delicious except now everything was on moderation. Life was good, and the scale was moving the right direction. I got 5 lbs away from goal and was so happy with myself, until of course I hit a stall and here I am. If we don't count these last 5lbs, I would have been at goal 9  months post op. 90 lbs lost. Except I been fighting with these 5lbs for 2 months now and they are not going anywhere. Everyone tells me I am at goal and to just be happy, and don't get me wrong, I am happy, this is the best thing I ever did in my life. I feel wonderful, have to so much energy and food doesn't control me anymore. Except, goal is goal and I am 5 lbs from goal.

Also, last night after surviving the storm of the century, I realized how I still turn to food. Last week at the supermarket if you were a little fly and could read thoughts you would see a woman standing in front of the containers of nutella going "Should I or shouldn't I??" Finally her little devil sitting on her shoulder said "I am going to buy nutella. I have lost almost 90 lbs, I am mature and have self control" and I happily walked to the cash register and paid for my purchases, including my beautiful jar of nutella that I hadn't bought in over a year. I completely forgot about it until last night. I was so stressed, I had 3 tablespoons of nutella. Now in the grand scheme of things, 3 tablespoons of nutella is not going to do it anything, its not like I am bathing in it and my pores are seeping it and turning into fat 24/7. But it just shocked me, how little self control I have and how food is still a comfort for me. I don't know if this is only a fat girl things, or even skinny people with amazing bodies, still use food for comfort??

Fear also creeped up. I don't want to go back to "the before". Not only for vanity reasons or the fact that I am really enjoying buying size 10's. I don't want to go back to the before, because in the before, that girl wasn't happy, she was depressed and not really living. A complete 180 from who she is today.

So, this morning I am back to the basics, lots of protein, lots of water and no nutella or cheetos for a while, because I set up to do something when I started this and that was to reach 150lbs and 155 is not 150. I know its close and all but its not goal.

Wish me luck :)

A

Before 240 lbs size 22-23, After:  11 months post op 155lbs size 10 or 8 depending on brand.

Thats just how I roll...

Dusting off the spiderwebs...

I haven't posted in anything in a while. Its not for lack of inspiration. I have about 4-5 half written posts saved.

I could have written this wonderful sippy cup review post that I made after realizing how many we have gone through ever since my kids have been out of bottles and because I care about you all, I wanted to save you some money.

I could have made another post about how I was the happiest mom the first day my child started kindergarden and all my fears of him riding the big yellow bus alone (even though the school is less than 3 miles from the house)

I could have made another post how I took cupcakes to his school the day before his birthday, and that ever other child from other kinder classes that were eating lunch at the same time we were celebrating my sons birthday, looked on with sad eyes like they also wanted a piece of cake.

I could have ranted about spending $60 on a beautiful fondant cake for ds's birthday that tasted like ass and no one liked it (even though I ordered from the highest rated bakery around here)

I could have made the same old same old post I make every year when my kids get old. I would have gotten sappy about my first born turning 6.

I could have written about my first deployment breakdown in which I whined about it on facebook and felt like an idiot (hey its been 6 months already usually the time we schedule R&R, but this year we decided to push it back so he could be home for Christmas and even tough I know its going to be worth it, finding the strength to survive another couple of months is becoming increasingly harder each day :()

I definitely could have talked about dd current obsession with Hello kitty, to the point that she refuses to wear anything besides kitty!

My mom being here for a week and half visiting and we having an amazing time, could have definitely made for an interesting post.

The fact that I already turned on my heater, pulled out my park and boots after the temps dropped into the low 50's, would have gotten a few laughs from you cold blooded people for sure.....

but I don't want to talk about any of that. Maybe later, maybe never who knows.

So to break my blogging sabbatical, I am going to leave you with a picture of food

This is chicken stroganoff. The best chicken stroganoff ever. Drool on =)


Love A

All about flip flops

Soon I will talk about the second part of my vacation and what led me to a crazy thought, but now I want to talk about flip flops.

I love flip flops. I really do, I live in them, have gotten married using them, have asked previous boss if I could wear them to work (sometimes yes sometimes no), I have flip flop magnets, keychains,

wine cups with flip flop designs, you name it. Flip flop rocks my world.

How cute is this magnet??

Or this keychain??


Just to give you an idea I have 1 pair of boots, 2 pair of sneakers, 4 sandals (2 brand new acquired) and over 10 pair of flip flops. I won't admit how many I have because you will be shocked, so lets just say way way over 10 ;)

After trying all kinds from different price ranges, I have narrowed it down to my favorite 3 and I would love to share with you in case you are in the market for a new pair.

3. Havaianas. Stop right now, you are pronouncing it wrong for sure its:  AH- VAI-(like vaio the laptop) ANAS (like the end of bananas).

 How could I not love them?? I am biased considering they are imported from my homeland and that is what everyone back home wears. Total brand pride. But its not just biased opinion, they are really amazing. A brand couldn't have been around for 50 years if they didn't rock everyone's world. Not only are they the cutest ever

Look at the pair I just picked up back home:


They are lightweight and very comfortable comes in various styles and pretty decent priced. Men, children, older adults, they all seem to love them.

2. Rainbows- I am sure I am going to get a lot of hate mail for putting rainbows on the number 2 spot instead of the number 1 spot, but I can't help myself. You see when I first bought my first pair of Rainbows I loved them. They were amazing and made me feel like I made a good investment. It was hard for this cheap ass to drop $50 on a pair of flip flops. But considering I use them so much, its an investment (at least that is what I tell my other half).

Rainbows are awesome. They really are and mine are worn thin. I have used them very much this part year of ownership. They suck in the beginning because you got to break them in so therefore you might get blisters for the first couple days, but after breaking them in, its like stepping on a cloud. They fit nicely on your feet, lightweight (a bit heavier than havaianas but not by much). They don't slip and slide when wet, in fact if feels like they grip on to your feet when wet.  If it wasn't for my number one choice I would definitely put rainbows at the number 1 spot..but..

1. Reefs. I can't say enough about these. More specifically reef fannings. You see I wasn't even in the market for new flip flops. I had my rainbows and was perfectly happy browsing Macys when I saw these :

(don't mind how beat up they are. I get a hell lot of use of them)

I decided to try them on, walked a couple of steps around the store and bought them. At about the same price of rainbows that was total splurge but I was sold on just a couple of steps. They are super comfortable, better for those of us that have wider feet, heavier than rainbows and definitely twice as heavy as havaianas, but don't let that discourage you. They don't feel heavy. At the end of the day even though I wore flip flops all the time, my feet still hurt. I have extremely flat feet (the reason why I prefer flip flops. They hurt less). Well at the end of the day even after walking  10-20 miles or more, I have no pain whatsoever. I got new blisters while in Brazil when I walked a good 15 miles one day from wearing my Rainbows, but no pain or blisters whatsoever when I wore my Reefs. The most amazing thing about Reef fannings is, right underneath each of them there is a bottle opener.


Crazy right!! It seems like a stupid thing and I really laughed at it and dh pointed and made fun of me when he saw it. Except that he tried on my reefs fell in love and bought himself a pair. Who would have thunk it that a couple months later he would be stuck in afghanistan with no bottle opener and trying to drink an old style coke bottle?? Oh yeah he is not laughing now. His reefs came in handy :)

 That is why they are number one in my book :)

I hope I helped you make a decision the next time you are in the market for some new flip flops :)


** Ignore how dirty and worn out my flip flops are. No new flip flops were provided for this review. This is my own thoughts only.
** Sorry if they are upside down, if you were expecting a perfect picture, you are in the wrong blog..lol

Do you have a favorite?? Maybe a new brand I haven't heard of it?? Feel free to share, I am all up about trying new flip flops :)

Love A

Vacation part I

I just got home today, after thousands of miles of driving with 2 kids and their crap and one international flight with a child and all her crap, I am back to the good ol USA and even though we had an amazing time, with memories that will keep us warm until our next summer vacation, I am glad to be back. I am still working through all the laundry and organizing I have now left to do, but all that can wait while I try to summarize our fun time.

1st leg of our vacation took all 3 of us to S Fl to my parents house. Lots of summer days, delicious drinks, lazily lounging days filled of pool and sunshine. The kids both got a nice little tan and lots of love from the grandparents.

Than it was time to pack and repack and organize all suitcases and dd and I hopped on a plane to Brazil (Ds didn't want to go so he stayed behind being spoiled by the grandparents and attending camp) while dd and I made the 9 long hr flight to Rio. It was the first time I have flown internationally with dd and I was pleasantly surprised what a great flier she is. She slept before we boarded, I boarded with her sleeping, and she didn't wake up again until 6am, 2 hours before we were about to land. Easy peasy. Getting 4 70lb suitcases, 1 bookback, 1 purse, 1 stroller and 1 child through customs and security was a whole other mess, but we won't dwell on that. She was a great flier, the plane didn't crash, all good :)

I haven't been home since Ty was 3 years old, so the purpose of this trip was for dd to meet her great-grandparents (lucky child has 3). Well she met them all, got loved on by her cousins, spoiled by aunts, played, laughed, ate so much junk and just had a good old time. Language barrier didn't stop her or them. Somehow she communicated with everyone and everyone just loved on her. She came back thinking she was all that :)

I had tons of fun. This time I had no desire to see any landmarks. I have seen them all a million times, dh wasn't with me, and dd is too young. I had a strong desire to remember how people live and see if this is something we could do in the future. You see I left Brazil when I was 13, there is a golden rule that after 7 years in America, everyone that returns have a really hard time adapting and want to come back to live in the US. For vacation is amazing, to live is a whole other different story (more at part II) so I wanted to experience daily life and see if this is a possibility in our near future. My aunt was more than happy to oblige.

She took me to work, I rode the bus (the majority of Brazillians ride the bus because of cars so expensive and gas prices double of what the US offers (even though we are a huge export of gasoline (don't even try to understand how that works)), the whole country rides the bus. The bus system works. There is a bus every 5 minutes and because you ride the bus you walk. You walk here there and everywhere. Thank goodness because if wasn't for all that walking, I would have gained a good 20 lbs in 20 days ;)

So I rode the bus (standing up because it was packed), paid to go pee (public restrooms are a rarity and at the shopping center you pay 50 cents to go pee), I went to work with her, I went shopping (and carried all my groceries a good 10 miles, than lugged all of them on the bus and than lugged all of them home), I went clubbing, I went to bars, I played beach volleyball, I ate churros filled with dulce de leche from the street vendors, than 5 seconds later I ate a chicken crepe, than a half hour later I ate pork skins and before the end of the day I bought sweet peanuts from a toothless centenarian street vendor. One day I walked so much and so far, I had blisters from my flip flops..lol.

I had an amazing time seeing all my cousins aunts and uncles. I met new cousins that recently joined the family and a couple more that will join the family pretty soon after getting married.
I am the first one to provide grandchildren/great grandkids so therefore to say my kids are spoiled with love is an understatement. 3 years ago they spoiled ds and this time they did the same for dd. They could do no wrong and since there hasn't been a child in the family in a long time, you can only imagine how everyone acted around her.  She was more than happy to oblige. The amazing/scary thing about dd is that she will go with anyone. She will blow kisses to strangers, talk to anyone and let anyone pick her up and love on her. If you have long hair, a plus because she loves to suck her thumb and rub anyones hair. So, she easily got held by everyone all day long. Even strangers on the elevator talked to her, kissed her, and just fell in love with her.

I had a lot of time and many eye openers during this trip to think and rethink about my life. Just to give you an example, the only place I stay is at my aunts place. She is my mothers youngest sister and my favorite relative ever. We are very similar. Well she lives in a 1000 square feet 2/1 apartment and it lives her, her son that is 9, her 22 year old daughter and her parents (my grandparents). There is many other places that I could have easily stayed and had a lot more space, but I decline them all because my aunts place is home. She is the absolute best host ever, last time I went to Brazil with the hubby and ds, I stayed and her place, this time I stayed at her place, and will stay again anytime I go. It was very eye opening for me. In this current rat race that we are for bigger and better (house, cars, toys, etc), to realize how comfortable I feel in very small living quarters and to learn the lesson that being a good host has absolutely nothing to do with the size of your place.

Next time I will talk more about that, I have talked plenty, and will leave you with some pictures.

 The view from my aunts 12 floor. One day I shall live on the 12th floor. Its a great babysitter. I can't even tell you how many hours this child spent just admiring the view.

 Getting love from some cousins!

 The first time this child goes to the beach in Rio and she is asleep. Granted it was 9pm during beach volleyball but still. Don't worry though, she woke up after :)

 Eating sweet popcorn at the park.

Cooking with my beautiful cousin!

After my aunt let her play with water and make a mess, she gave her this makeshift dress in order to dry her clothes!

 Playing with aunties hair!

 Celebrating greatgrandmothers 67th birthday!

Playing with cousins hair!

Love A

Happy 4th!!!

Getting your citizenship, having your husband deployed, loving the USA, etc etc etc just makes celebrating this 4th, that much sweeter.

Happy 4th everyone :)

Wordless Wednesday!!

Someone got upgraded =)

The new old me..

Today I turned 31 years old. I have been having a rough time since turning 30. Age never bothered me until I was 29 than one night I decided to rethink everything I have ever done in my life, every single decision, and asides from being the stupidest thing I have ever done and don't ever do that. I came to some realizations. The main one was many things I have wanted and planned to do it, I haven't done it, but many others that I have never thought in a million years I wanted, were things I accomplished. Someone out there in the stratosphere knows me better than myself. But still turning 31 has been rough. I have more white hairs, lines around my face, some scars that will never fade, there are some styles of clothes that I will never again be able to wear, and to accept all that is not easy. Until finally one night I had a good realization. If I compare myself to others, of course I am never going to measure up but if I compare myself to myself only and use my before to measure up, than I am doing just fine.

In just one year from 30 to 31 I have lost 71 lbs (so far), I am healthier and way more active than I was before. I am calmer, and even tough I have some more lines around my eyes, I also have a lot more wisdom. I have been tested over and over again this past year and have passed every single time. My love for my husband has grown. We are at a good place in our relationship. A really good place. Also lately I feel like I am at a good place in motherhood. I am still learning and making mistakes, but I am way more comfortable in my own abilities and don't judge myself so harshly anymore.

So I guess getting older hasn't been all that bad. Don't get me wrong, its not easy, but because I am married to an amazing man that sent me delicious cupcakes, turning 31 wasn't all that bad.


Love A

Clean all things

I like a clean house, but I am not paranoid.  I don't have floors that you can eat off, if you want that, I will gladly give you my moms address. You can eat off her floors because she is paranoid  a very clean person.

I on the other hand like clean but could care less if my house is sparkling like a hospital. If there is a choice between watching Sons of Anarchy or cleaning my floor, I will gladly pick tv. So usually I try to clean smarter not harder.

One thing I am paranoid about is my floors. You see I walk barefoot 24/7 and to step in little pieces of crackers, rocks, play dough and etc is very annoying. I have been having a hard time keeping these floors the way I like. Clean and shiny. When I rented this place I found out my landlord had gone through a divorce and was living alone. The stains in the baseboards, the dingy floors, it showed. So for the past couple months I been trying and trying and still nothing.

Finally I hit a break. First I bought brand new pads for my shark. You see everyone has a shark and those pads are washable, but after months, there is no amount of bleaching that will make them clean. So I went searching for some and hit jackpot when I found 3 brand new pads for my shark for 10 bucks on ebay. That is way cheaper than anywhere around, so look there if you are in the need of some new ones.

Then I began searching pinterest for floor cleaning recipes. After trying many and many trips to the store to buy new stuff, I picked my favorite and its this one :

FLOOR CLEANER

OMG is this thing amazing or what?? I put it right inside my shark instead of a spray bottle like she did and my floor shines. It looks like a brand new floor, not some ugly dingy crap. The difference is huge.

So if you are in need of some sparkling floors get the new pads on ebay for a fraction of the cost and make this cleaner. You won't be disappointed.

Love A

Just a reminder...

For love of country they accepted death... -James A. Garfield

Stay safe, have fun, enjoy all that has been provided for you by our heroes, just don't forget your gratitude!

The downside of weight loss

Don't get me wrong, weight loss is amazing. You wake up with more energy, confidence goes through the roof, shopping is a bit more fun and you don't dread it as much because there is options now. We won't even talk about the health wise benefits, because that is just a given.

But weight loss has a downside. It's not enough to discourage anyone from it , but its there and I want to talk about it so you won't be shocked if it happens to you.

1. Forgetting to eat. When you are fat all you think about is food. Food is a constant thought in your mind, you are thinking and planning your next meal from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. When you have lost weight, naturally you eat less and some days you can even forget meals. With more energy you are so busy, forgetting a meal happens. I know all my fluffy friends are thinking "no way not possible, I so wish that could happen to me". I use to have the same thoughts and now that is happening to me, I realize its not good. I can't even tell you the amount of days that by 3 pm and I am ready to pass out and I realize how exhausted/drained I really am because I haven't eaten since 7am.

2.No matter how much weight you have lost or how small you are, your problems will still be there and more pronounced. When you are fat and have size 2 visions, you think "If only I was skinny, I would have no problems" and you think every skinny person got their shit together and are happier, b/c well they are skinny. Newsflash, that is not true o.O. Granted I am not a size 2 yet, doubt I will ever be, but I am 10 sizes lower than what I started so I can commet. I still have the same problems as I had before, life still throws crap in my way, but bc I am not carrying around extra weight, it seems easier to deal with.

3. Skin won't bounce back. You might weight less than what you did in high school, work out like a fanatic, but your skin will never look the same. Things will sag and hang. I actually think my skin looks worse than before, because before it had something to fill it up, but now there is nothing. Picture a month old balloon, its not as pretty as a brand new filled balloon right?? Well that is the same with your skin. Dreams of wearing a 2 piece this summer are rapidly fadding. Unless there is extensive plastic surgery in my future, I won't be in a 2 piece any time soon. That was a big shock and dissapointment. After everything, I still don't have the body to pose nude for playboy :(

4. It costs $100 to resize your rings and you will need to have them all resized because them spinning is very annoying. Same with your watch.

5. Yours once overly confident husband will have doubts and some low self esteem. He might question if after all this weight loss and confidence booster, you will leave him. You will have to continue to reassure him that thats not the case and you are not shallow. Even though every time you pass mirror now (dressed) you smile at your image.

6. Replacing your whole closet and loosing your favorite outfits sucks. It sucks even more that until you are completely done with your weight loss, you can only get a few staple pieces because if not you are going to quickly loose them. Finding new favorite outfits can be a pain (I don't know if that is for everyone or if it only applies to me that don't love to shop).

7. Even the lower sizes, depending on the brands can vary. I can't just grab something and buy it without trying it on. Because I can range between 3 sizes depending on the store.

8. Your favorite boots and some shoes will need to be replaced. Talk about a big shock. I had no idea, but your feet can go down in size and since your calfs are smaller, your favorite boots will just look stupid. I have brand new uggs that I only got to wear 1 season and now won't stay up and my feet are sliding inside of them :(. Same with my pair of "fuck me boots". They were gorgeous high leather boots that I spent a small fortune on and love them. Yeah anyone wants one??

9. If someone doesn't like you, now you know its you. When you are fat, you think if someone doesn't like you its because you are fat and fat people disgust them (hey I never said we didn't have issues ;)), now if someone doesn't like you, it hurts even more because you know its about your personality and not your weight.

10. Finding things to eat is a pain. Restaurant eating and fast food is not made for people on their quest of their perfect size. The portions are huge and while there is one or two things in the menu you can eat,   the majority are not made for you. Don't get me wrong, I still pretty much eat whatever I want, just in extremely small portions and I am very picky of how I spend my calories. I don't know if this is just a side effect of weight loss surgery in general, or if the rest of the population on their weight loss quest feels the same way, but there it is.


Now I realize this sounds like a very depressing post and one would wonder why would want to even go through the hassles of it after this?? That was not my intention. Trust me the upside is there. The pros outweigh the cons any day of the week and there is millions of websites and lists that you can find online that will talk about that, but that you already know and don't need me to repeat it. I wanted to post this because no one really talks about it, and as I am going through my journey there were shocks along the way like these and other things that really messed with my head and I wished I was more informed about it, so that is the purpose of this post, just to inform you so your shock won't be as huge as mine.

Love A

OMG she bakes!!!

Yes, yes I do and I love it. After talking to so many people over the years, I have come to the conclusion I am unique. I like cooking and baking. It relaxes me and unwinds me. I will be up at 2am just baking to my hearts content. Sometimes dinner is done by 3 pm and I have to keep reheating. Other times even, I will cook dinner than still have the itch to cook so I will prepare the next days dinner, bake a cake and make muffins.
With my husband gone, I have to really tone down on the amount I bake since there is only so much small children can eat. I do take stuff to the fire department and give it away to friends, but its still not enough and I am sure that secretly they think I am insane. You should have just seen the look the firefighter got when he helped me unload 48 muffins, 2 breads, and 3 cakes that I had baked all for them.

Today I had an urge to just cook to my hearts content. The kids were playing with playdoh after eating this delicious breakfast :

recipe: WRAP

 and I was free to just cook and bake.

Breakfast I have the hardest time. I don't like giving them cereal and I don't have a habit to eat cereal. Its not a brazillian thing ;) also poptarts makes me shudder. I honestly think they are absolute nasty. Hey I said I was unique read weird!!  so they get oatmeal, yogurt, homemade pancakes, homemade waffles, and during the weekends I make eggs or omelets but its still not enough. I get bored after eating the same couple things, I am guessing the kids are the same because they haven't really been wanting to eat their breakfast and since I am trying to wade through the hundreds of pins I have on pintrest, the winner became this yogurt strawberry cake:

recipe :  Cake
 It does take some sugar (that I toned down with splenda and brown sugar) and some buttermilk (that I subbed for milk/lemon juice) but overall its pretty healthy. So I made it and OMG its so good. Definitely a keeper and it would have been wonderful if I stopped at that. But of course not. Since I had everything out I also decided to make some banana bread, pumpkin muffins, pork chops with sweetpotato hash and dinner is sitting in the crockpot already. I am also debating on making a pretzel strawberry torte that everyone keeps raving about it. I am telling you I have issues..lol.

ps. If you have any new ideas that you can share on what to feed kids breakfast please share. I am not a huge breakfast fan (I like breakfast food for dinner) and I am perfectly content with just a cup of ice coffee, but unfortunately kids don't do well with coffee. Darn!!!

Love A

Happy Mother's Day!!!

May your children never embarrass you.
 May your boobs never hang lower than your skirt
 May your life be filled with delicious kisses and hugs instead of tantrums and No's
 May your days be full of giggles and laughter instead of anger
 May everyone that you encounter praise your children instead of making smart ass comments
 May your child learn everything that you have taught them instead of the complete opposite.
 May you never run out of wine or coffee
 Happy mother's day everyone :)

Joy

You know I haven't written anything in so long I should talk about the important things like *how I survived another move with 2 kids and little drama *how living down the road from my best friend is wonderful *how accounting is kicking my ass and making me debate changing my major again *Insanity I tell you* *or how my liberal arts class has made me start a blog *I could also talk about all the joys of buying a car alone with a power of attorney and how when you can negotiate an amazing deal on an awesome car with tons of cup holders, you feel really good. *I definitely could talk about how I am down almost 60lbs and have to break down and get clothes because saggy undies is just not sexy at all I could talk about so much, but honestly I am not going to bore you with the details. I am not going to talk about any of that (well I kind of just did but roll with me), I am going to talk about the joy and pure happiness of living in a place you finally enjoy. With the military and contracting now we have moved, and moved and moved. I have had way too many addresses in various parts of the country. Some were great some so so. In the military it's all about "blooming where you are planted". I have talked about this before, and honestly I tried. I really tried but I wilted. I didn't bloom. As soon as I stepped off the plane here in VA, I took a deep breath, felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I smiled. This town is amazing, there is so much to do, so many activities, everything is so close by. There is humidity and seasons, there is rain and sunshine. There is humidity. Gosh I love humidity. My skin is all soft again, my daughter got her curls back and its all good in the neighborhood. So my long drawn out point is find your happiness. If you are not happy somewhere, don't suck it up, try to figure out where you would be happy and make it happen. Works towards because some things will make you happy and some things wont and its okay and absolutely normal. Sucking up and plastering a smile on your face when you don't feel takes too much energy. I been unhappy and now I am happy and I am not going back. Love A

Ally's logic

I was explaining to my husband that I am still really scared about flying on Sunday. He mentioned that in the past 4 months he has flown countless times. Over 3k miles to be exact. Without missing a beat, I told him in the past 15 years I have stuck countless tampons in my vajay-jay. That still wouldn't ease his fears if I tried to stick one in him. Needless to say, he didn't appreciate my logic and its not talking to me. Love A ;)

Lots of blah blah blah!!!

* I went from an SUV to a matchbox car. While putting my daughter in her car seat, I have banged her head on the roof 3 times. Can I still get my mommy of the year award??

* I have lost more than half of my excess body weight, yet high heels still hurt my feet. I guess I am never going to be able to wear them.

*I am 43lbs lighter and still have issues. My whole notion that skinnier people have no problems and perfect lives is fadding fast. Maybe after I get to goal, I won't have any more problems and will be pleasantly surprise. One can only hope.

*I purchased a dress (my 3rd one ever counting my wedding dress) to wear to church on Sunday, yet because shoes still hurt, I will be that woman dressed up with flip flops on. Don't judge ;)

* When coming out of the store, I circled the parking lot twice and had a mini panick attack thinking someone stole my car. Than I remembered I don't have my car anymore and got a rental that looks nothing like my car. This is not the first time I have done this!

* My kids don't have school on Friday because of Good Friday. I am a huge Jesus fan, but kids home for 3 days straight might drive me to drink.

* I stood in the dressing room of Kohls for 10 minutes deciding if I was going to buy this big hat or not.




(You see I have always wanted one, and been in awe of all the sophisticated ladies that went to the horse races wearing one of these. But there is no horse races in my future and I don't think I am cool enough to pull one off, but yet for 10 minutes, I stood there debating getting one just so I could wear while cooking or to Walmart. I think I am loosing it.)

* I have never worn stockings in my life and still can't apply makeup. I guess being sophisticated and "put together" is an out of this world thought.

*Sometimes I will still catch people looking at me with that look that says "she has such a pretty face, if she just lost some weight". It happens less often than before but still happens. All I want to do is scream "I am trying and getting there". But I am not supposed to care what others say or think. Yeah that is going really good.

*I hate flying in small planes. Put me in a big plane any day of the week and I will have no issues. Flying in a small plane and with 2 kids?? Oh no no way. I am actually debating on taking the train. 3 days in a train is beginning to sound a lot better than 5 hrs in 2 small planes with 2 kids alone.

* I am 4 months post op and still can't drink while eating. I have to wait 30 minutes before I can drink anything after eating. Some people don't have this problem but I do. 4 months and I still haven't gotten used to it.



Love A

The rental car gods hate me!!

In my family, renting a car has become a huge joke.

You see when I was younger my dream car was a red convertible mustang. I grew up had a family and never ended up getting a convertible mustang because now I have to think about safety, insurance prices, space, etc etc, the boring crap when you become an adult.

For the last couple times the hubby had to rent a car to go on a tdy alone or my parents had to rent a car they always paid for the cheapest one but when they got there they ended up getting :




you guessed it! A red convertible mustang. They made sure they took pictures and sent it to me and talked it up how fun it was to drive with them top down and how sweet a car it is and how good taste I have. The kind of stuff that made me green with envy.

Every time I rent a car, no matter if I pay for the cheapest one or even the upgraded version I end up with either this matchbox car:




or a ford focus. Its a car that gets me from point A to point B and who cares what it is, but dang it, I do. Why can't I get lucky and get a mustang?? or just something that is a convertible so I can feel the wind blowing my hair and the sun kissing my face even if its going to be short lived?? Nope, not with my luck. The last time I rented a car I specifically paid more and asked for a convertible. I was giddy with excitement. I was going to show who is the boss and I was going to get my convertible. I get there on cloud 9 and find out there was a glitch and they gave up the convertible to someone else and after me close to tears, I accept ed defeat and took a dodge charger :(


This time I didn't even care. I just paid for the cheapest one hoping my luck would change. Yeah right, I got a dang chevy aveo sitting in my driveway. A go kart. My husband and my parents already had a few good laughs about it.

The good thing is...

I sold my car and in a little over 2 weeks, El Paso will be just a memory and I will be on my way to Virginia. That brings a smile to my face, even if I have to do it in a matchbox car!


Are you lucky in the rental car process? Have you ever gotten a sweet ride??

Love A

Its just a matter of perspective..

When you think Hilton what comes to mind?? King size beds, room service, jacuzzi in your room, total luxury right??

Well that is unless you bee to Afghanistan and shared a tent with 16 grown man for 1 year. After an experience like that the Hilton to you is just a room with a door and indoor ac.

You see, whenever anyone finds out that dh is deployed in Afghan the first thing they ask is where does he stay. I don't know if stupidity follow me or what, but most people think they have hotels for soldiers in Afghanistan. Depending on my current mood, my answer will vary from completely busting out laughing to actually explaining that no they don't stay in hotels, there is no indoor plumbing, cheerleaders serving them (even though they totally wish for it..lol)

So first time dh was in a tent with 16 guys per tent. Oh yeah he use to mention the smell and the lack of privacy and etc etc etc.

This time he is a different base and therefore in different accommodations. To him its the Hilton, well the Hilton if the Hilton was a room with a door and no roommates. To say he is happy is an understatement. All it took was one experience and his whole vision is changed. How cool!

So without further ado here are the pictures :

If you ever get lucky to win an all expense paid trip to Afghan, you might just score this really cool place to call home for 365 days and before you turn your nose at it, remember, it could always be worse, you could be in a tent with 16 other smelly guys!

There is 6 rooms per pod, ac and a door. Total privacy. Its heaven for him and the bathroom is only 30 steps away. What more could he ask for??

I am happy!!!

I am happy,

I am happy because I am living in the middle of a wonderful love story,

because I am healthy,

becuase I have healthy children,

because I have a strong faith I can rely on,

because I am married to a wonderful man and even though he is thousands of miles away, I can call him and he will patiently give me directions,

I am happy because my fridge is full, I have a roof over my head, and clothes for me and my children,

because I have a wonderful support system and friends that will listen to me day and night,

because I have the privilege of staying home with my kids,

because I have the privilege to persue my degree and my interests.

I am happy because I have been blessed 10 ways until Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect.

Some days the world brings me to my knees before 10 am.

Murphy is around, things break, problems happens, children act rotten

I cry, I scream, I have my days, I cuss, I drink too much wine and I watch too many hours of trashy tv and some days I just veg out.

I spend hours in my tub with my kindle getting lost in some other reality,

I will be the first one killed in a zombie apocalypse due to mistaken identity because I don't sleep well, and the closest thing to a healthy meal I eat is milano's with some grapes.

Some days, at the end of the day, my only accomplishment is having kept the kids alive even though they were acting rotten.

But life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you deal with it, and even though 3 deployments in 6 years is not my choosing, I chose to control what I can and that is how I deal with it.

So just because I am happy and not whining about it every day on facebook and I am choosing to focus on what I can control which is to better myself everyday and deal with everything that happens to me, does not mean I don't love my husband.

On the contrary, it means I love him more than enough to try to be a strong better wife and mother so that he can do his job in peace without worrying about me.


Love A

Just what the doc prescribed

This has been a really rough week for me. My aunt passed away on Sunday morning and I was filled with sadness and even worse regret. You see I been promising to go home for the past 3 years since Juliet was born, and I still haven't made home. Deployments, moving, the fact that is now 4 tickets and this trip would cost a good $5k. I always had reasons to keep postponing. My aunt wanted to meet Juliet and she died without having that wish fulfilled.

All those reasons that I had before didn't seem good enough anymore. At the time, sure they felt like very good reasons, on Sunday they felt like excuses and it filled me with regret. I am 30 years old, I thought I was done with learning such important lessons, I have read fortune cookies, listened to famous quotes about time wasted, and yet I realized I don't know jack shit. I am still learning, and sometimes the lessons life teaches you hurt. They hurt a lot.

So yeah, to say its been a rough week its an understatement, so to not really deal with my feelings (because I don't have the time to fall apart), I drove myself into busy work. I cleaned garage floors, I packed, I organized, I cleaned my floors with toothbrushes, I have finished almost all my work for this quarter, but I was still broken. I was still sad and hurting.

Today I had absolutely nothing to do. My house is spotless. If I refold my sheets one more time, I will commit myself, so my friend suggested I start watching Greys Anatomy. I have never seen, 7 seasons are on netflix and a mindless numbing tv show will get my mind off things. Well I decided to follow her advice and started watching. It was just what I needed. To loose myself into some fictional drama and forget about my issues.

Everything was going great until one episode in which the main character said this quote :

--------------------------Meredith Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.


I paused, rewinded and listened to it again and again and again. I needed it to sink in and it did. I had a wonderful cry in the shower, picked myself up and decided to try again. Try to be better, try to make better decisions, really seize the day, because what else could I do?? I don't have the time to fall apart, and I don't have time to dwell on my mistakes and I don't want to. I want to learn from them and try to turn each and every sadness into something positive.

Don't get me wrong, I still miss her and I am very very sad, but now I am finally thinking about the happy moments, all the laughter we shared and all the advice she gave me. I am thinking of my amazing aunt instead of being filled with regret and for right now, that is good enough.


Love A

There will always be cupcakes!

Deployment number 3 has officially started, and amazingly I am okay. Give me a couple of months and a wine/vodka/rum shortage and things might change, but so far so good. I think what really helped is my parents came in on friday. They love their son in law so much they couldn't let him leave without seeing him, and although some people might think its intruding, it isn't. My parents are very laid back, love their grandchildren to pieces, and as long as they have their grandkids to love adore and spoil, they could care less what we do, so it ended up working out great that we were able to steal away some moments for ourselves, also after I dropped him off, they kept me busy and entertained until today, when they finally left. So all in all it worked out perfectly. Having them here, after dh left, made the whole difference in the world. Also I surprised dh by dying my hair black before he left, and he was very happy. He has always wanted me to go darker because he thinks it would look great, I always been scared, well we compromised and I got a simple one that comes out in 28 shampoos. Needless to say dh was right, it looks awesome and I might even go permanent. He was one happy hubby.

Now I am back to routine and have a great feeling about all this. In about 8 weeks I will move, I have a class to finish before then and some packing to do, so hopefully that will keep me busy and after I move I will have the bestie to hang out with, I have a wedding in Brazil, in May that I am going to try my dang hardest to make it to, some more pounds to shed and a degree to finish, not to mention a new town to explore, and Georgetown cupcakes right around the corner to enjoy. Hey don't laugh but I actually have "try a Georgetown cupcake" on my bucket list (I don't know if its my inner fatty talking or my insanely obsession with the food channel, but we will just roll with it), so to be able to cross that off my list is amazing.
Visit Carlos bakery of Cake boss in Jersey is also on the list, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

So that is the extend of my deployment plans, one foot in front of the other, and hopefully I will be able to shine this year and get a ton accomplished, if not at least I will have a cupcake and cross an item off my list. What more can I ask for??

Love A