I am fine! Just farking Fine!!

So dh left on monday for the field. Thank God for friends. His friend picked him up and I didnt have to haul my arse or ds out of bed at 0 dark very dark.
SO ds has been driving me nuts. Daycare is packed.They have nothing. I was sure I was going to get a chance to dance around in my underwear and lounge all day long. But nope. Some other happy military wifey is doing that while I am dealing with terror. The lady told me to keep calling back and see if they have any cancellations. I think she might have felt bad for me because I was at the brink of tears..lol.
SO I have tried to keep busy. We went to Sams just to look around and buy crap we dont need, I took him to the park, I also took him to BK for dinner just so he could play with the other kids and tire his hyper bootie out. I mgiht take him to feed the ducks again this wk.
If dealing wiht munster wasnt enough.. Unhappy do hasnt eaten since monday. She ate 2 snacks. That right there is proof that she loves Scotty more than I do. I dont stop eating for anyone. NO one!!! Hence my big arse.lol.
SO I dont think she will die but she is looking sadder and sadder every day. Stupid young dog. One day she will learn. No man is worht all that...:)

Thats the whole excitment of my existence. God when did I get this old and boring?? I use to be 19 kind of snooty acting real rude but ohh so young :)

Ohh well. Old age is creeping in.

Take care guys
A

Life is changing again ...........

When I started writing this blog I promised myself I wouldnt sugar coat shit. I have a bad habit of sugar coating that everything is okay, that is why only a few selected people only trully know how I feel and what I battle and go through. I decided if this is going to be some kind of new age theraphy, I need to be honest.
So now the pieces are failing into place. I know why I been soo miserable. To me there is nothing like feeling like shit and having no clue whats causing. If I am sick I need to know why the heck I am not feeling good so I can fix myself and get better. Well I just found out why I have not been feeling good and been in a funk. I am pregnant. Yep..I am still in shock. Complete and utter shock. I was tossing the idea about when to have another. I thought about them being too close in age and the fact that I sometimes feel like such a shitty mom what the heck would I do with 2 kids?? I guess God must think I am fit to do this job. Its hillarious that it takes me soo long to get pregnant with Ty and now this one I get pregnant without activelly trying. Go figure..lol.
So now I have a bunch of worries..1- I am about 7 wks or so, I have donate plasma twice. I spoke to the lady and she told me I should be fine. Just start taking prenatals as soon as possible and hydrate. I been thirsty as heck.
2. I been on Zoloft. Reason number 1 why I am not on birth control. I been doing a lot of reading online and it seems to be okay to take it while pregnant. I am going to stop until I talk to my doc.
3. This goes hand and hand with reason number 2. I been a bit more sane because of the Zoloft what if I get out of it? Will I trully loose my mind?? That is scaring me to no end. God how much do I hate having to battle depression and anxiety. It seems like a never ending crap. Why cant I just be happy and have puppies and rainbows shine out of my arse like everyone else??
4. I still havent come to terms that this might be another boy. I want a girl so bad and will only feel trully complete if I have a girl. If we have a girl chances are we are 90% on the kid factory. IF its another boy I know against my better judgement I will try for a girl again. Ay Ay..13 wks of waiting and since I am such not a patient person I hope my anxiety doesnt kick in too badly.

Just so many changes are happening and I am having to process all this and sort out all this feelings. Something that I just dont like. I hate dealing with my feelings, I hate sorting crap out. Blah...
So that is my blog for today. As things fall into place I will post more.
I havent started the violently pucking yet. Everyone tells me each pregnancy is different. I hope and pray this one will actually be good to me.

Tchau
A

Sad :(

Sorry I havent blogged in a couple days. I am just at my wits ends and I dont know what to do. Dh and I are not getting along. It seems everything he does drives me nuts and just upsets me. I think we might need to go to counseling again :(
Ds is being misserable. Throwing fits, throwing himself on the floor and etc. IF I dont get a hold of this soon I dont knwo whats going to happen.
Yesterday I put him in daycare for 8 hrs to get a break and get some time to think and figure out what I am going to do. Well I woke up sick as a dog. Throwing up, stomach hurting, feeling dizzy and etc. SO I spent the whole day in bed feeling sorry for myself. I didnt go get my naisl done, I didnt go shopping, I didnt go look at the books I wanted. Nothing. Waste of $30 bucks putting him in daycare. I tell you.
Well that is enough misery sharing for now. Hopefully things will look up soon.

ps..Still reading :The lost art of keeping secrets. Really good book just havent been in the mood to actually sit down and read.

xoxoxo
A

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY !!!!!

So today its dh's first official father's day. Well the first one he could celebrate. The first one I was pregnant, the one after ds was born dh was deployed so this one is his first one at home. We had an amazing time. He said it so himself.
First we went to church and the service was amazing. At the end the pastor made all the fathers get up there and say a pledge to their kids. Absolutly beautiful. Then we came home ate lunch, ds napped and dh was supposed to be studying but he fell asleep.After they woke up around 3pm we decided to go to the pool. We decided to to to the pool in Harker Heights because one of my friends reccomended because that one has a kiddy pool and since ds has been so afraid of the big one and we have been soo frustrated we decided to give it a shot. It was $6 bucks to get in. Worth every penny. Ds played the whole time. Wasnt afraid at all. He splashed, ran around, kicked the water, played with other kids and even flirted. Such an amazing day. Perfect :)
I got a bunch of pictures to upload. I just want to thank all my friends for their amazing advice and wonderful ideas. If it wasnt for you guys I know things would be a lot thougher. Thank you again and Happy fathers day everyone.

Ohh and yeahh I did remember to call my dad. He was soo happy and joked that I remembered I was born and not hatched...lol.

Another lazy day !!!

June 10th, 2008

Dont come visit me. You wont be able to walk through the door. There is laundry all over by the laundry room, dishes in the dishwasher, my bed is not made, dh's pts all over the bathroom floor.
Try coming in through the front door. On second thought scratch that. The shoes are not where they are supossed to be, they are all over the front door.
Ds's toys are all over the place. I really need to pick those up. Anyone that comes by will think he has a lot of toys when in reality I am a cheap bitch that buys everything on craigslist :D
Talking about craigslist, I got another great deal. We needed a whoper box for the top of the car (Scotty says its called a whoper box) I dont believe him but whatever. This lady was selling one for 20 bucks when in actuality they cost 150. I love good deals. So now we got the box and can take the 3 million things I insist on taking every time we go on vacation. What can I say? I really do need 40 pairs of underwear for a 2 week vacation. you never know what can happen and momma always told me to wear clean undies.
Anyways, back to the house mess. See I had every intention of doing housework but munster was in such a good mood that we just played all day. Tomorrow I will catch up. Heck, 3 days ago this house was spotless so this can only mean one of 2 things :

1. I am loosing my mind and my medication really needs to be adjusted or

2. Dh gets up during the night and makes a mess because deep down he is really jealous I get to stay home all day.


Lets go with number 2 because if he ever finds out how many hours I really spend in the computer he would slap me silly :)

Xoxoxoxox
A

ps..Reading "Room for Improvement"..awesome chic lit. Doesnt require a lot of thinking. just perfect for these lazy summer days

Nothing much!!

Today we just hung around and chilled. I cooked and baked, dh played with ds a lot. He is in love with his sidewalk chalk. We also went to the park and I am just waiting for tonight to watch Army Wives. I cant believe its back I am soo happy.:)

Here are some pictures :



Munster feeding the ducks. THey came to eat right off his hand :)
This duck has a cute toupee. How adorable!!
Happy MUnster!!!
Bagels and Corn dogs. Ugly because it was my first time making them.

Lazy, Lazy ohh soo lazy!!

June 7th,2008

Today has been such a lazy day. We did a lot of cleaning and organizing but not nearly as much as we should have done. Hey family time matters more right??
This afternoon I got some sad news. I have 2 boxes of clothes, toys and just stuff that either munster doesnt use it or anymore or it doesnt fit him. One of dh's friend his wife is pregnant with a little girl but her neighboor is pregnant with a little boy. I told her I was going to separate the stuf and give it to her. Well today dh called his friend to see if it woudl be okay to drop the stuff off. His wife picked up the phone and told us that her neighboor had a misscariage at 6 months. When dh told me I just started bawling. It even upseted Scotty a lot. :(
I think I am going to bake her something and take it to her. I dont know. I dont know what is the right thing to do.
Well I still need to get ready of this stuff because I am trying to be as organized as possible so our move goes really smothly, so I decided to post it on craiglist for free. We have been so blessed. Munster had everything that he could possibly need and more so I always said I would pass the blessing on. I have given stuff to over 7 moms so far. So I figured why not continue. I posted on craigslist but told people that I wanted to give it to someone that trully needed. No someone that was going to turn around and sell it. Within 20 minutes I got over 50 emails. So I sorted through them all and instead of only picking 1 person, I decided to separate everything and pick 4 people. 2 of the ladies I picked their husbands just left them while they were pregnant, another one is this single soldier that got diagnosed with ovarian cancer was getting med boarded out. This will be her last child. The 4th one was this lady that left her abusive husband and she is pregnat. It felt so good. All through out the day they were coming to get the stuff and sharing their stories and pretty much making me cry. I love receiving presents. Everyone that knows me knows I love presents but I think giving makes me soo much happier.
So by 2pm it was time for me to go donate my plasma. Yes dh and I donate plasma. They are in shortage of plasma and they pay you everytime you go donate. I know some people dont agree with it but I use to donate before without getting paid so now that they pay us its just a plus. We both go and make an average of $600 bucks a month. Hey its trully helping us financially get out of credit card debt (we cut them all up and are living on a cash basis only. If we cant afford it with cash we dont buy it) so pretty soon we will get rid of this credit card debt.
Anyways this morning dh went to go donate but his blood pressure was too low so this afternoon I went. I donated got my money and came home. Dh had finished some of the housework and was hanging out with ds. We ate dinner and he left to go help his friend bleed his brakes. He explained to me what the process entails but there is no way I can repeat it..:P
And that was our boring day. I didnt cook anything special because we still had some baked zittis left over and I need to go shopping to pick up ingredients for a couple of stuff I want to make.

I am still reading the same book. And dh is still splitting his time between playing need for speed and studying.

have a good wekend everyone :)
toodles
A

Busy Bee!!!!

This is OTTIS!!!!
So today was a busy busy day. It started off with me wanting to bake. I havent baked in a while since dh and I are on this diet. (he lost 5 lbs I lost 4lbs). Its a 3 days on 3 days off. So finally today I got the green light to bake. I made this rum cake that came out soo good except with a tiny little problem. I need to stop thinking !!! I was making the cake and I decided to use this old Nicaraquan rum that I had for a long time. Now this thing is so old that I didnt even know I had it. I was all set on using Malibu but looking throuhg my liquor cabinet I found that one and decided to use it. I didnt think it was strong enough so I added more. Me thinking bad!! The cake now needs a warning that if you eat it you cant drive or operate heavy machinery :P So my day started off in the right foot. Nothing like baking first thing in the morning to put me in a good mood!! The rest of the day went just fine. I cooked baked zittis for dinner and used this wonderful vodka sauce. Dh said it smelled better than his mom. That is a huuge compliment. MIL cant cook for shit but can make a baked zitti to die for. So for the past 6 yrs I been trying to top her. I was sure today I was going to do it. Nope. As soon as dh tasted and realized it was ground turkey instead of ground beef he looked at me and said.."Sorry babe yours smells better but my mommys taste better"" !!! Idiot who asked you anyways...Urghgh I was soo mad. Ohh well maybe next time. He likes everything else I cookd. One day my baked zitti will top her. I hope. So anyways, back to the car dealership we went. We got there at 4 and didnt get home until almost 8pm. The good thing though is I came home with Ottis. He is parked in my car port and I love him. We got a great deal after signing a lot of paperwork and pretty much signing our lifes away. But the good thing is we got a good deal and we love the car. Also my insurance dropped 80 bucks and we will save a ton on gas. Cant ask for more than that. Well off to bed early I am going because I am pooped. Have a great weekend everyone. ps. I am reading "Augusta Gone" in case anyone is interested. Its a memoir and I think I am going to cry before the end. :)

Ohhh lalala !!!

June 5th, 2008

I need to start dating this blogs because I never write the day I am supossed to. So in order to keep some kind of order I am going to date them. God I love the little things I can control!!!

So today was a great day. The morning flew by. I took some cough syrup with codeine last night to help clear up this junk and wow!! I was wired. I had more energy than Taz. Amazing. So I did laundry, dusted, cleaned my floors, put 3 loads of laundry away (I wash them on time but procrastinate to put it away) went to Target to buy some bins in order to keep my sons toys organized (i Have to add..I went to Target to buy bins and I came out of Target with only bins. I am so proud of myself. That is a record :)),put my whites to soak, put all the dishes away, changed the sheets on my bed and I even managed to fill my sons poll and read my book for about 1 hr. Whewww!! All that energy was stored from almost 1 wk of feeling crappy. I feel so much better right now.
So the munster slept for about 3 hrs. Thank God for growing spurts..lol.
Dh was supossed to get home at 3:30 but wasnt able to leave work until 4:30. I just told him to meet me at the dealership. We got there (with ds because one of our friends flaked) and started talking to the guy. We were supossed to take it for a test drive but they couldnt jump it. I told them to just start on the paperwork and worry about that later. 2 hrs into the haggling and dealing dh's friend finally came to our rescue and took ds with him. He was going to Walmart to shop with his girlfriend and decided to be an angel and give us a break. I am going to miss him. I think I click with him so much because just like Scotty and I, he is a Cancer. Whats not to like about Cancers??
So finally at around 7 pm we came to an agreement in price. We were trading both of our vehicles in , so I was trying to get a good deal. I wanted good money for our trades, almost no down payment and I wanted him to lower the price of the car. I got everything I wanted. Almost. Only have to do 1k down. No biggie. So by this time all the banks are pretty much closed so he said he is going to call tomorrow morning and work out the deal with the banks and will call us to go finalize the papers and get the car. We could have taken the car home but he wants to send it to their shop to figure out if it needs just a jump or a new battery.
The funniest thing to me though is that living in a military town you are bound to run into people. 3 of dh's friends from his motor poll were also there buying cars. They wanted to get their cars with the same salesman we had because they either had purchased another vehicle with him or heard good things about him. One of the wives told me though to continue to dealing with him and trying to bring the price lower that he works with you. So that rocked.
It sucked having to get into our old Trailblazer and drive home but hey its all good. Tomorrow we will have a new car and I will post pictures.. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeepie. So ready to be a 1 car family again. Even though our monthly payments will probably be a bit more (we are taking some negativite equatity because we lost money in the trailblazer) we still will spend a lot less. Thats what happens when gas is almost 4 bucks a gallon.
So that is it for today. Dh is studying for the board (I dont know if he is retaining any info. He is so stressed out about passing that he is freaking out) and I am going to finish this book tonight . :)


xoxoxoxo
A

Crazy day...

This is the munster. He has been waking up at 5:45 am. Insane hours. Nothing short of giving him some Malibu is making him sleep until later. Dh said I cant try the Malibu so I am stuck waking up at 5.45. He falls asleep during lunch though. I dont..:(
PRetty Jamaican Patties. I think they are pretty for a first time try!!! So keep your mean comments to yourself..lol.

So last night I couldnt sleep for the life of me. I got a hold of my insomnia and I am trying to quit smoking. I am on zoloft and life is going pretty good but now of course I catch an upper respiratory tract infection. How the heck I got that I have no clue, but anyways I been weezing and coughing my lungs out for a week. I didnt give much thought to it because I just figured it was from the quitting smoking and my lungs clearing up. Nope. Last night it got bad and I kept dh up half the night finally this morning he had enough, he called and made me an appointment. We couldnt get daycare because ever since ds turned 18 months old he is in a new class. I personally think that every mother is absolutly tired of their kids and no one can handle the terrible two's, so they drop them off and have someone else deal with their little crap for a day. So no daycare meant I had to take my son to the appointment with me. Not good. Dh the wonderful husband that he is, asked his CO if he could take the afternoon off to watch ds while I went to my appointment and thank God he did. I get there she diagnoses me with that URTI and gives me a breathing treatment. I am puking my guts out half way through it because so much more junk is getting loose. She writes me a prescription for 2 antibiotics with codeine in it (I have to take that at night), a couple pills and 2 inhalers. Now I felt like a junkie walking out of there with my brown paper bag full of drugs. No I am not taking all this crap. I am just taking the antibiotics so I can sleep better. I hate all this medicine.

So after 2 hrs I get home and since i am feeling a litte better I decide I am going to bake something. A little background though up to about 4 months ago I didnt cook at all. But I promise in another post I will explain the change in me.

Anyways, dh has been asking for jamaican patties for a while. We use to pay almost 5 bucks for 2 frozen ones. Way too expensive and not worth it. I searched allrecipes.com (my favorite website in the whole world) found a recipe for it and decided to make. They came out absolutly delicious. I tried to overstuff them but they still came out delicious. I was soo happy. So thats pretty much what we had for dinner.

After dinner dh played his carbon for a bit and then we decided to go for a car ride and get some coffee. Now just so you can understand how unpredictable we are we went out for coffee with the kid and the dog and ended up at a car dealership with the guy almost closing but finding the car we want and an appt for tomorrow to go look at it. We been talking about trading both cars in and going back to a 1 car family, but dang I didnt realize going out to get coffee caused that..but then again that is nothing different for us.

So anwyas that is enough for tonight. I am going to read my book while my hubby plays video game and tomorrow I shall be back with more.
Dont miss me too much :)

So I am blogging now...

At the idea of my therapist I have to write on a journal to keep my thoughts in check and help me with my anxiety. Journals are so old school that I have decided to blog instead. I suck at writing and my spelling is just horrible and my thoughts are random, repetitive and I jump around. Why anyone would want to read this I have no clue but hey here we go.:)
We have so much going on at once that is just driving me insane, hence the therapist, the antidepressants and now the blogging. But that is drama for another day.
Anyways, life is going along at a pretty fast pace and I actually love it. Pretty soon we will be out of hell hole aka Texas and into beautiful North Carolina. We are Pcsing in oct and I am extremelly excited about that. I am so excited about moving and Fort Bragg was definetly a post that we wanted, but this is scaring me. I have moved more times then I can count and never once can I recall being excited about the place we were moving to. I mean I was happy when we moved here but that was only because dh was going to join the Army. I was not happy about moving to Fort Hood. Our only choices were Japan or Fort Hood. Since my parents still didnt have their citzenship I didnt want to move to Japan and never see them and I was very scared about moving overseas. Repeat with me: "IDIOT...IDIOT...IDIOT"..lol. I know, I know. Live and learn. But hey I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason so therefore here we are, almost 3 yrs later and I am finally happy to be getting out of here. We have so much to do and decide before we move but I am still excited and cant wait.
Wish me luck :)


Each day I will post what I am reading in case you want reccomendations...: "Getting Warmer" by Carol Snow is the pick of the day :)