Sunday, September 18, 2011

Just what I was in need of...

I have been on a funk of all times. I had visions of being a size 6 by homecoming and because I am nowhere near that and homecoming is fast approaching, that has put me in a funk.

I have spent the whole week whining to dh and sobbing. I have regretted booking a vacation to Atlantis (no matter that I have wanted to go there since they opened) and instead debating changing to Antarctica so layers would hide my jelly. Instead of being excited about homecoming I have been feeling dread. Stupid fears about my husband being disappointment in me. In my heart I know that is stupid because I weigh the same thing I did when we got married, dh loves me for me and thinks I am gorgeous. He is a catch I know ;).
Well, its just been a personal struggle this past week, until I read what the amazing Nikki at Sanctimomious wrote : .

I had tears streaming down my face. Gosh how stupid have I been. I am going on vacation with my husband to a place that I been dying to go for a long time to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary, sans kid. Our first real vacation since our honeymoon. I am healthy, he is healthy and we are celebrating our love. What is the matter with me?? Only excitement should be felt not stupid insecurities.

Well, this whole feeling snowballed and I decided I need to love my body until I either love it or convince dh to allow me to have the gastric sleeve surgery in Mexico ;), until then I am going to get busy living. I am not going to let weight issues bother me or hold me back from doing anything I want to do.

I went out today and bought a dress for homecoming and one to wear on vacation. Asides from wearing a dress when I was invited to a wedding or in a wedding, I haven't worn a dress in 10+ years. This week all that will change because I will wear not only once but twice.

Also for the past couple days my groupon has been offering parasailing for 2 for a cheap cheap price. I have wanted to parasail since I was in hs but never had the courage because well I am fat and thought I was going to look stupid. I have looked at this groupon for 3 days and didn't have the guts. 3 am last night I woke up, grabbed my phone in a hurry and filled with fear that the deal wouldn't be there anymore. Thank God it was. I pressed buy and now in about 3 weeks, I am going to go parasailing. I am going to accomplish another dream. How awesome is that?? Will anyone laugh at me? Probably, but I wont care, because I will be 120 feet up in the air, holding the hand of my other half and having the time of my life.

Love A

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